Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

securityguy

MentalMinnie wrote: »

My husbands parents paid for the wedding, which the monster in law thought would give her carte blanche to invite all her friends.

He who pays the piper calls the tune. If you want to get married your way, do it on your dollar.

CH27

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I had the same issue at my wedding last year. My husbands parents paid for the wedding, which the monster in law thought would give her carte blanche to invite all her friends. I recieved a list of 16 guests she 'would like us to consider' My husband didn't know about a third of them, and the rest he knew from when he was little, and frankly was suprised that his mum would even want to invite them. Our wedding breakfast had a capacity of 50, and with actual friends and family, we had either 4 or 6 spaces left. So we told her 'No' to nearly all, bar 4 friends. Out went the invites, and over the course of a few weeks, i would get emails asking me 'could i squeeze so and so in'. NO, she was told time and time again.

In the last couple of weeks before the wedding, she clearly wasn't getting her own way, so she ended up blatently asking her friend and her husband if they wanted to come! We had no space and had to bump someone from the sitdown meal. I was mortified and so angry.

To further pi$$ me off, at the evening reception, I see a load of husbands Aunt's 'society' friends appear, none of who were invited but my MIL and her sister (husbands Aunt) clearly thought it was a free for all! They spent half the evening holding court in the middle of the private bar room! :mad:

:eek:
Why on earth didn't you both stand up to her?

londonsurrey

securityguy wrote: »

He who pays the piper calls the tune. If you want to get married your way, do it on your dollar.

I think it's true of people like this monster in law, and when accepting gifts from them, it behoves the receiver to understand the numerous strings attached.

However, I'd like to point out that there are people out there who would not dream of acting thus when giving out gifts and paying for things.

rose28454

Hoorah. OH came to see me today and said he has thought about it and will not interfere with the guest list. He said it is their day and they must do what they want. Good.

poet123

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I had the same issue at my wedding last year. My husbands parents paid for the wedding, which the monster in law thought would give her carte blanche to invite all her friends. I recieved a list of 16 guests she 'would like us to consider' My husband didn't know about a third of them, and the rest he knew from when he was little, and frankly was suprised that his mum would even want to invite them. Our wedding breakfast had a capacity of 50, and with actual friends and family, we had either 4 or 6 spaces left. So we told her 'No' to nearly all, bar 4 friends. Out went the invites, and over the course of a few weeks, i would get emails asking me 'could i squeeze so and so in'. NO, she was told time and time again.

In the last couple of weeks before the wedding, she clearly wasn't getting her own way, so she ended up blatently asking her friend and her husband if they wanted to come! We had no space and had to bump someone from the sitdown meal. I was mortified and so angry.

To further pi$$ me off, at the evening reception, I see a load of husbands Aunt's 'society' friends appear, none of who were invited but my MIL and her sister (husbands Aunt) clearly thought it was a free for all! They spent half the evening holding court in the middle of the private bar room! :mad:

Feeling as you clearly do would it not have been more honest to pay your own way?

74jax

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I had the same issue at my wedding last year. My husbands parents paid for the wedding, which the monster in law thought would give her carte blanche to invite all her friends. I recieved a list of 16 guests she 'would like us to consider' My husband didn't know about a third of them, and the rest he knew from when he was little, and frankly was suprised that his mum would even want to invite them. Our wedding breakfast had a capacity of 50, and with actual friends and family, we had either 4 or 6 spaces left. So we told her 'No' to nearly all, bar 4 friends. Out went the invites, and over the course of a few weeks, i would get emails asking me 'could i squeeze so and so in'. NO, she was told time and time again.

In the last couple of weeks before the wedding, she clearly wasn't getting her own way, so she ended up blatently asking her friend and her husband if they wanted to come! We had no space and had to bump someone from the sitdown meal. I was mortified and so angry.

To further pi$$ me off, at the evening reception, I see a load of husbands Aunt's 'society' friends appear, none of who were invited but my MIL and her sister (husbands Aunt) clearly thought it was a free for all! They spent half the evening holding court in the middle of the private bar room! :mad:

But she did pay for it though, if you had wanted 'your' wedding, i think you shoudl have paid for it yourself.

At the end of the day, she paid for you to get married (which you did) and a wedding party afterwards (which she did). She's given you the marriage paid for which is very very generous.

notanewuser

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Going against the grain I think it's a bad idea not to invite family and may put a strain on family relationships.

Blood is thicker than water.

I was 26 when I married and I estimate that I may have seen my aunts and uncles on my father's side of the family two or three times between the ages of ten and 26.

I invited them to the wedding knowing full well none would come. Of their 6 children between them, I had seen 2 between the ages of 10 and 26. Them, and their partners plus children added 8 to the guest list. Thy came and it was lovely having them there. Adding the others would have added another 16. No thanks. They were invited to the evening do out of politeness, but none bothered. 2 didn't even reply.

Similar story on DH's side.

IMO, blood isn't worth anything if nobody bothers with you!

jemb

Perhaps if your husband would like them there he could offer to pay fo them to go?