Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

Mrs_Arcanum

poet123 wrote: »

Yes, I see that, but these are people who are invited to every family event, every milestone. They are very much known to the couple, the Bride just doesn't like the female half of the couple and if I am very honest I do see why ( they are not part of my circle) but my friend feels differently, and would be really put on the spot by not being allowed to ask them. They wouldn't upset the Bride, they would be very pleasant and very generous with their gift I am sure, they would just be there, in the background and in that setting, not evidence any of the traits the Bride so dislikes

Perhaps the habit of inviting them has overridden how people really feel most of the time. Does this make it imperative it continues?

poet123

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Perhaps the habit of inviting them has overridden how people really feel most of the time. Does this make it imperative it continues?

Not really, the rest of the family do like her as far as I know. Certainly my friend really likes her and they have a lot of other friends in common.

Hard situation from my perspective because if I am really honest I can see where the Bride is coming from here, but my friend can't. I can only say what I would have done under similar circumstances which is to think that for the sake of one couple who I would only have to smile at and be polite to (and receive a large cheque in return no doubt!) I would grin and bear it for the sake of not upsetting my mum.

SuzieSue

poet123 wrote: »

Because it wouldn't really impact her day, but would really upset her mother and it would be a kindness to spare her mother that? Is it really so wrong to ask for that when you are bending over backwards in every other regard?

I totally agree with this. A lot of young brides are very selfish nowadays and have this idea that it is their day and they can do what they want. My sister was the same. They do not care about anyone else's feelings. If she likes her parents enough to accept their money then she should also care about her parents' feelings. The world doesn't revolve around her and her wishes.

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

Because it wouldn't really impact her day, but would really upset her mother and it would be a kindness to spare her mother that? Is it really so wrong to ask for that when you are bending over backwards in every other regard?

how do you figure it wouldn't impact the bride's wedding day? If she really dislikes this woman, it could be a real bugbear to her every time she spots her there, that this woman who she really doesn't like and really didn't want to invite, is there. I wouldn't be happy with my mother if she insisted a friend of hers who I disliked was invited to my wedding, I really wouldn't.

I realise its a difficult situation, but maybe the bride wants this "I invited you to my family occasion so you have to invite me to yours" to stop before she has babies and these people who are not her friends and who she dislikes "have" to be invited to the christenings too.

poet123

There will be 150+ people there. She (the Bride) will be otherwise occupied to spend her day fretting about one couple in the midst of all that. Imo weddings are often about compromise (I know that is not a fashionable view) but to me having the bill of c£20.000 picked up is worth such a compromise, that, and keeping her mother happy.

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

There will be 150+ people there. She (the Bride) will be otherwise occupied to spend her day fretting about one couple in the midst of all that. Imo weddings are often about compromise (I know that is not a fashionable view) but to me having the bill of c£20.000 picked up is worth such a compromise, that, and keeping her mother happy.

i agree with you - and I'd completely agree if the bride was ambivalent(sp) about this couple being there. But she's not, she dislikes them and doesn't want them there. As i said before, this is not going to be an easy compromise for either the bride or her mum it seems.

SuzieSue

balletshoes wrote: »

But she's not, she dislikes them and doesn't want them there. .

Because she has no respect for her parents and is acting like a spoilt princess.

balletshoes

SuzieSue wrote: »

Because she has no respect for her parents and is acting like a spoilt princess.

yep, i'm not disagreeing with that either - but thats my opinion of the bride's attitude to the whole event so far.

sedment

My husband and I had the same issue, how we resolved it was in the 3 months before we planned to send out the invites, ( this time covered our sons first birthday, christmas and new year), was to take a note of everyone that we saw. We never told anyone what we were doing to stop any "drop ins" and random visits.The people that we regularly saw and cared enough to spend lots of time with. These people were the ones that got a day invite. Various aunts that dont bother, cousins and random family members got a evening invite.
Still caused ructions and people annoyed that this one got a invite and they think they should have, but its your sons and his fiances wedding, they need to do what THEY want.

MentalMinnie

I had the same issue at my wedding last year. My husbands parents paid for the wedding, which the monster in law thought would give her carte blanche to invite all her friends. I recieved a list of 16 guests she 'would like us to consider' My husband didn't know about a third of them, and the rest he knew from when he was little, and frankly was suprised that his mum would even want to invite them. Our wedding breakfast had a capacity of 50, and with actual friends and family, we had either 4 or 6 spaces left. So we told her 'No' to nearly all, bar 4 friends. Out went the invites, and over the course of a few weeks, i would get emails asking me 'could i squeeze so and so in'. NO, she was told time and time again.

In the last couple of weeks before the wedding, she clearly wasn't getting her own way, so she ended up blatently asking her friend and her husband if they wanted to come! We had no space and had to bump someone from the sitdown meal. I was mortified and so angry.

To further pi$$ me off, at the evening reception, I see a load of husbands Aunt's 'society' friends appear, none of who were invited but my MIL and her sister (husbands Aunt) clearly thought it was a free for all! They spent half the evening holding court in the middle of the private bar room! :mad: