Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

ALIBOBSY

Sadly all these sorts of arguments are because people get bogged down planning/thinking about and worrying about a wedding when the couple should be thinking about the marriage.

My personal opinion has always been its a big waste of money (unless you are rolling in it) and bonkers if anyone borrows to do it.

We wanted our day to be about us, how much we loved each other, and starting our lives together not a big party for people we hardly ever saw.

We invited just immediate family-siblings and partners/childrn, and parents. We did invite one auntie and uncle-mine, but we actually get on better with my aunt than my mum alot of the time, my other uncle is abroad and couldn't have come anyway, and OH had an uncle he can't even remember as FIL doesn't speak to his family and hasn't since he was about 30 ish (don't ask), plus aunts who live "down south" he hadn't seen since a child-tbh after 16 years of marriage I have still only met them once at a funeral.

We had the people closest to us for the service and a meal afterward (the parents voluteered to pay half each for the meal), we then had a sort of open house at my mums afterwards with a homemade buffet when we saw neighbours and friends. It was lovely.

As it was near christmas a local charity here drive around with a "sleigh" and "santa" so we even got to go and say hello to santa at our wedding lol.

OK my mum had a couple of little moans and one neighbour made a jibe about how small the wedding party was but who cares. Best thing I ever did in my life is to stop worrying about people I either don't know or rarely see and what they think. It's really freeing, enjoy your life, value your close family and friends and let the rest sort itself out.

Ali x

Ladyhawk

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

OK my mum had a couple of little moans and one neighbour made a jibe about how small the wedding party was but who cares.

I just don't get this sentiment. Does the bigger the wedding party mean the more successful the marriage? From what I've seen the opposites seems to be true!?!

Person_one

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I just don't get this sentiment. Does the bigger the wedding party mean the more successful the marriage? From what I've seen the opposites seems to be true!?!

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Your friend who is the MOTB, not the one getting married?

Yes, my friend is the MOTB, but I am actually quite close to the Bride too....so a tricky path to tread. I can see both sides, I think my friend can be guilty of wanting perfection as she sees it, which is not the same as others see it, and I think age plays a part in this, her daughter sees perfection as something different.

I feel for my friend in as much as I can see how embarrassing it will be for her if she isn't allowed to invite couple x when they know they are paying for the wedding and when couple x have invited them to all their family occasions. What can she say? Sorry but Susan can't stand you? This is compounded by the fact that some of her friends (such as me and my OH) would be on both guest lists.

pigpen

poet123 wrote: »

What can she say? Sorry but Susan can't stand you? This is compounded by the fact that some of her friends (such as me and my OH) would be on both guest lists.

She can say.. I don't know who she has invited because it is none of my business.. or She has invited the people she wants there.. both are true in essence.

poet123

pigpen wrote: »

She can say.. I don't know who she has invited because it is none of my business.. or She has invited the people she wants there.. both are true in essence.

I suppose she could, but when that couple realise that most of the others in our circle have been invited it will still be embarrassing. And really, if we are all honest, if we were paying that amount of money willingly and with no constraints as to cost overall, would we really be happy if our child could not empathise with our position and think that one couple, in the scheme of things, would not materially alter their special day?

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

I suppose she could, but when that couple realise that most of the others in our circle have been invited it will still be embarrassing. And really, if we are all honest, if we were paying that amount of money willingly and with no constraints as to cost overall, would we really be happy if our child could not empathise with our position and think that one couple, in the scheme of things, would not materially alter their special day?

I agree with you.

POPPYOSCAR

OP I would not get involved in this.

Let your son sort it out with his father, it is not your responsibility.

skintchick

poet123 wrote: »

I suppose she could, but when that couple realise that most of the others in our circle have been invited it will still be embarrassing. And really, if we are all honest, if we were paying that amount of money willingly and with no constraints as to cost overall, would we really be happy if our child could not empathise with our position and think that one couple, in the scheme of things, would not materially alter their special day?

It depends on the venue numbers. My parents psid for my wedding which was not cheap but once we'd invited our friends and close family there was no room for my parents' WI or Rotary mates who I don't even know, and they had to accept that.

If the money had come with strings I'd have given it back.

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

I suppose she could, but when that couple realise that most of the others in our circle have been invited it will still be embarrassing. And really, if we are all honest, if we were paying that amount of money willingly and with no constraints as to cost overall,
would we really be happy if our child could not empathise with our position and think that one couple, in the scheme of things, would not materially alter their special day?

i think it would depend - if I knew my daughter, the bride, couldn't stand those 2 friends, and that them being at the wedding might upset her, I think I'd understand. Its her day after all, not her parents'.

If it gets embarrassing for your friend, I'd suggest she goes along with the "the bride and groom decided on who to invite" tack.