Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

rose28454

CH27 wrote: »

After reading this I am surprised your son is even inviting his Dad to the wedding.
I would be terrified of a repeat.

Well he has been sober for 5 years since I threw him out. He and I have an amicable relationship now but I can see this throwing a spanner in the works.

balletshoes

rose28454 wrote: »

Well he has been sober for 5 years since I threw him out. He and I have an amicable relationship now but I can see this throwing a spanner in the works.

but the wedding isn't about you or your ex - its about your son and his bride, and what they want on their wedding day.

Emmala

I didn't want any cousins at my wedding, but my mum wanted to invite one (the one she and my nan were closest to) and as she and dad were paying I said OK.....BUT then my uncle rang my mum and gave her grief for not inviting either of his children to the wedding....upshot was that as it was mum and dad's money, I just said give in and invite all the cousins! Frankly, my uncle shouln't have said anything even if he wasn't happy, and had we been paying I would have stuck to my guns in the first place.

Weddings bring out the best and worst in people......but in your case I would say that the 'get out' is that your son and his fiancee are paying, therefore it's up to them who they invite. You could say to his dad that while you understand his anger (?) and have pointed this out to your son, ultimately it's their day and their pocket so he needs to speak to his son and if he really feels that having cousins at the wedding is more important than being their himself then that is a choice he has to make and live with for himself.

However, I would also say to your son that you understand how his dad feels....point out that the choice they are making is unfair, that people see wedding invites in black and white and that he has to understand that the choices they make may upset other people. And yes, it's their choice to make but he mustn't expect you to get caught in the middle as it isn't fair (he may well be making his decision knowing he has you to hide behind).

Tricky one, I hope you can find a solution!! and that when it happens, they have a lovely day!

londonsurrey

The father hasn't bothered nurturing the relationship between his son and the father's side of the family. The result is now showing, and it's only when it's on public display that he's bothered?

Tough. Tell him to get a brain, and it's the missing relationship (his fault) that anyone with half a brain would be worried about.

If he's that bothered, he can try to work on creating that relationship so that when the first child arrives, the happy family group will be invited to the christening.

Fire_Fox

Clearly the father's family have not bothered treating their cousin the same as the mother's family have so why should they get equal treatment in return? Best weddings I have been to are where the people who were invited had a special bond with and love for the happy couple. The atmosphere and emotion of the day is completely different to when random partners and distant relatives are invited for the sake of duty IMO.

You get married once (hopefully) the best day of your life should be shared with who you want to share it with, most people wouldn't want random strangers crashing and gawping so why random relatives? Blood is thicker than water cuts both ways.

rose28454

Yes it is their wedding and if he said they were not inviting my brothers and sisters I would say ok. My own relationships with my brothers and sisters are quite fractured so I would understand. When my younger brother got married 8 years ago and was not speaking to my older brother my Mum did a similar thing and got me to put pressure on me to persuade younger brother to invite him ( I worked for the younger brother so saw him everyday). In the end he gave in and invited my brother. The only person it affected really was me cause it may it very uncomfortable for me as I dont speak to older one. I vowed then that I would not expect either of my children to invite anyone they did not want to.

*Louise*

From the other side of this.......I don't understand why people complain about not getting invites - why would you want to go to the wedding of someone you never see or aren't close to?

I never even invited any of my 5 uncles to our wedding - they've never bothered with me so I wasn't inviting them just for the sake of tradition. My mum did try to complain, but in the end she saw the reason why. She did get her own 2 aunts and uncle on the list though - but she paid the extra for the meals and I have no isseus with any of them.

OP - it's your son's wedding list, and therefore it's his responsibility to face up to his dad and stand by his own decision. He shoudln't expect you to fight his case for him.

scotnan

rae18 wrote: »

....point out that the choice they are making is unfair,

Unfair to who though?
People who haven't bothered nurturing a relationship with this lad throughout his life by the sounds of things.

thorsoak

rose28454 wrote: »

Yes it is their wedding and if he said they were not inviting my brothers and sisters I would say ok. My own relationships with my brothers and sisters are quite fractured so I would understand. When my younger brother got married 8 years ago and was not speaking to my older brother my Mum did a similar thing and got me to put pressure on me to persuade younger brother to invite him ( I worked for the younger brother so saw him everyday). In the end he gave in and invited my brother. The only person it affected really was me cause it may it very uncomfortable for me as I dont speak to older one. I vowed then that I would not expect either of my children to invite anyone they did not want to.

Rose - save yourself some stress - AND STAY OUT OF IT!! Your son is an adult and should be able to stand up to his father.

You seem to be an appeaser and try to please everyone - and it looks as if you finish up in the wrong every time. Let others deal with it. x

Dunroamin

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Going against the grain I think it's a bad idea not to invite family and may put a strain on family relationships.

Blood is thicker than water.

But cousins aren't very close relatives.