MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 2

fluffnutter

dizzi, all grandparents turn into self-obsessed monsters the moment the baby arrives. When my MIL first visited, she legged it up the stairs - bear in mind she'd never actually been in my house at that point - barged me out of the way and sent me flying into the wall in her haste to get to Freddie who I was changing in the cot at the time.

That's what they get like! They just want to get their grubby little paws on the latest progeny. They don't think you're just a uterus, you're not unacknowledged, you're just not as interesting as a baby.

The time just after our babies are born, particularly when you've had early or traumatic deliveries like you've experienced, are the times when we're at our most sensitive and sensitised. Anything sets us off. I remember hating my mother just after Freddie was born. I've kind of got the opposite problem to you, in that in all the eight months since Freddie was born, my own mother's only been to visit once (and that's because my brother suggested it). She's not uncaring, she loves me, and she loves Freddie. She's just wrapped up in her own life and it suits her for me to visit them.

Don't be defined by how you think your inlaws see you. The fact is they're probably not thinking anything of the sort. They're just (understandably) excited about their grandchildren - and unfortunately you don't get a look in. Ask your OH to support you a bit more, but even better, shrug it off. It doesn't matter. Enjoy your babies and let the grandparents get on with it. Who cares what they think?

You might not want to hear this but the card sounded OK. I understand that you're angry, and feel overlooked. But if you want an objective view, it's because you've become so sensitised to the smallest slight that you find criticism where none was intended. It's perfectly normal to thank someone for giving you a grandchild. It's the flowery kind of nonsense that I don't go in for, but it's not rude or nasty.

morocha

hi ya fluff, jade is 2 months old tomorrow, yep im a but down, think cos is my aanv on the 1st april and we will not be able to go out, J will not stay with anybody. Also others friends with babies similar age of Jade are sleeping only waking up once at night.

morocha

btw that baby of yours is gorgeous

*Nutella*

morocha wrote: »

hi ya fluff, jade is 2 months old tomorrow, yep im a but down, think cos is my aanv on the 1st april and we will not be able to go out, J will not stay with anybody. Also others friends with babies similar age of Jade are sleeping only waking up once at night.

I know it's tempting, but please try not to compare your baby to other people's - it's not good for your sanity. They may well not be telling you the full truth, even though they're your friends. And every baby is different - mine is 10 months and I can count on one hand the number of times she's slept through (and even that's using a generous definition of 'slept through'). Things really will get better - you're through the hardest bit now, so hang on in there.

As for your anniversary, can you not create a special night staying in? Order your favourite takeaway, put on some music, get a card/present for your OH, maybe even have a shower and get changed (!)... You may not be able to go out, but you can still mark the occasion. Making an effort is probably the last thing you feel like when you're knackered, but you'll be glad you did.

Sending you a big ((hug)).

fluffnutter

morocha wrote: »

hi ya fluff, jade is 2 months old tomorrow, yep im a but down, think cos is my aanv on the 1st april and we will not be able to go out, J will not stay with anybody. Also others friends with babies similar age of Jade are sleeping only waking up once at night.

She's still such a little baby, sweetheart. It's completely normal that she's still waking in the night. Nine week old babies aren't supposed to sleep through the night. They need food! There'll be the odd one who's sleeping for long periods at that age but, trust me, they'll be many, many more who aren't.

I've not been out once with the OH since Freddie was born. TBH, he doesn't drink and we've got into the habit of both going to bed early so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. You can still make your anniversary special even without a night out. Champagne, nice food, and no taxi fares home. What's not to like?

BadlyWrittenPoem

turtlemoose wrote: »

Great news that you're going home dizzi, how wonderful to have both your girlies together. So what has the age gap ended up being?

Ref front v rear facing - http://www.rearfacing.co.uk/

I have the britax first class plus which I will keep rear facing until Reu is 15kg - if he follows his current line he'll be approx 2yrs 9 months at that point. Then if they hvent changed laws/availability here, I'll be buying his next rear facing seat in europe, so that he can continue to rear face for longer.

We got a group 1 rear facing seat in this country - I forget where but I'll find the link later. You may well find you don't last till 15kg as it depends on height too - we had to move up at 9kg with DD1 because her head was above the edge of the group 0+ seat.

BadlyWrittenPoem

morocha wrote: »

hi ya fluff, jade is 2 months old tomorrow, yep im a but down, think cos is my aanv on the 1st april and we will not be able to go out, J will not stay with anybody. Also others friends with babies similar age of Jade are sleeping only waking up once at night.

I think mine was waking once a night at that age and even occasionally sleeping through but now (at eight months) it's generally twice and last night was four and I can't remember when she last slept through. DH is always trying to think up how we can get her to sleep more (and I sometimes do to because of him being convinced it must be being caused by something we are doing - he keeps talking about "a rod for our own backs") but I try to remind myself that the aim is to meet her needs rather than to get her to sleep a certain number of hours in a row. Do you cosleep? We do and I'm fairly sure that without that I would probably be demented by now due to the sleep disturbance - it makes it so much easier to feed in the night and go back to sleep afterwards than if you're actually getting up out of bed.

BadlyWrittenPoem

BadlyWrittenPoem wrote: »

We got a group 1 rear facing seat in this country - I forget where but I'll find the link later. You may well find you don't last till 15kg as it depends on height too - we had to move up at 9kg with DD1 because her head was above the edge of the group 0+ seat.

This is where we got ours from: http://www.pushchairsandcarseats.co.uk/item/2524/recaro-polaric-rear-facing-group-1-car-seat-asphalt-grey.aspx They said the reason they stock the Recaro Polaric and not imported ones is that because it is made for the UK market, they would be informed about any recalls and could contact customers. We actually went to the showroom so that we could check the seat fitted and they were very helpful. There are some links for lots of other UK suppliers here there are loads more than when we bought ours.

morocha

thank you ladies, it is nice to be able to come here and get support.

i think family is planning on taking us for a meal out. we will do something nice indoors lol... thank godness Jade sleeps at 12 and i can get in the shower, i dont mind using old clothes and tracksuit bottoms but having the 10 min shower is for my sanity.

funny thing is that dd has always been so independant and detached, so confident that i longed for a baby that would show me she/he needs me... got app at 4.30 need to get this thrush clear.

janninew

Hey ladies,

Feeling a bit down today, just been speaking to my friend who has a daughter who is 1 in May and she has started to walk over the weekend, feel like Poppy is so far behind other babies and don't feel like we are even getting close to any more milestones. I know you shouldn't compare but feel like she's getting left behind.

Right that's my moan for the week now, time to pull myself together, don't know if I'm hormonal but I feel close to tears at the moment.

Love that picture Fluff, he looks so cheeky. I remember years ago when my little brother started crawling, he could only ever go backwards, he got himself in some right pickles!

Been interesting reading reviews of car seats, we are still in our first size car seat, think it takes up to 22lbs and we only weigh 16lb at the moment so a way to go yet!

Hope you're ok Morocha.

xx