All too much

southernscouser

saffronflowers wrote: »

SS - party a financial decision, also I dont know how it would affect his job, yes it is probably stupid, maybe I am living in lala land but hopefully he will realise that his behaviour is unacceptable. I am still reeling from how quickly they arrested and handcuffed him. I think I am still in shock to be honest.

I really dont want it to be the end of marriage, but, it will be if he sont talk it through and accept some responsability. I actually think his parents will be shocked and angry with him.

I am also surpised the police charged him I have a horrid feeling it was becasue he was not very contrite and sorry, which does not bode well.

SFx

Some people will accept they need help and voluntarilly seek help. These people perhaps deserve a second chance.

Then there are those who refuse to accept responsibility and will always blame others and manipulate. They might 'accept' help if pressured into it but they are normally lost causes.

I don't know what catergory your OH falls into. If either!

I don't pretend to be an expert. But I've seen a friend go through a violent and abusive (mental and physical) relationship. It took her years to get out. Even a stretch inside for the !!!!!! didn't do it.

Now she is a mum, and in a happy relationship with someone new. Her one regret is she didn't listen to the advice earlier. Maybe it's something you can't be told. Maybe you have to go through too much !!!!!! until it clicks. I can't blame her though. She is a lovely person. Maybe her problem was she is too lovely!

You have to do what is right for you.

saffronflowers

I suppose one of the things that is also upsetting me is that my previous marriage was abusive and controlling so I am sitting here - realsing that I have gone and done the same thing again. I also have so much to lose, well not his debt, but i have to do what is right for me.

I cant thank you lot enough for all the support that you have given me - I don tknow how I would have got through today. I aplogise to all those I have not posted on their threads today, I just have not felt the strength to.

SFx

southernscouser

saffronflowers wrote: »

I suppose one of the things that is also upsetting me is that my previous marriage was abusive and controlling so I am sitting here - realsing that I have gone and done the same thing again. I also have so much to lose, well not his debt, but i have to do what is right for me.

Hun, YOU have not done anything! You haven't done the same thing again!

Some @sshole has done the same thing again! Not you!

hypno06

And please don't feel the need to apologise x

saffronflowers

Well he has just been released he took the caution - and the policeman did say that they did give him a serious talking too. So I do hope that he will at least give me a call to let me know he is alright

SFx

moonlightpjs

Hi SF
Sending you big hugs and lots of love
I'm hoping that if he does go to his Mums and she finds out what hes done (either by you or by him) then she will tell just where to go - surely no Mum, however loving would allow her son to dish out that sort of abuse to anyone, let alone his partner/wife and her grandchildren.

Please do not blame yourself, we all of course take people on face value and sometimes that trust is not well deserved when you do find out what they are really like but by trusting him so far that makes you a good person. He is obviously, in my opinion, someone who is not to be trusted. Yes, we all have problems but most of us do not take it out on the ones we love, in fact we cherish the support and love they offer though the bad times and the good.

Your feelings for him are not going to go away overnight, even though you have been through the most difficult of times but at the moment you need to concentrate on yourself and your children. Bullies can look after themselves!!! If you have enough credit on your phone I would call his Mum, explain the circumstances and if she has anything about her she will turn him away if he turns up at her door. Things will happen in their own time but please do not feel any pressure to allow him back in the house if you don't want him there. Maybe take a couple of days, maybe longer to get your head together and sort yourself out and then if and I mean if you feel like talking to him, do it on mutual ground, somewhere away from your house but somewhere you feel safe.

Thinking of you and please make sure you and the girls are safe in your own home xxxxxx

Triker

OK as at the moment I suppose until you know what mood your husband is in then nothing can move forward.

Just a thought but there is nothing wrong with having a back up plan.

Firts all police areas have a domestic violence liaison offer, they may not be on duty today but you can always ring and ask for some advice re your ongoing safety if it becomes an issue when he comes home. Secondly have you a good neighbour or friend that will take the children if necessary.

As you obviously have the internet could you ring or at least get the numbers of womens aid as previously suggested.

Also and this bit is probably the most essential please make sure that the mobile phone who have (your daughters right?) is fully charged and your sim is in and is in a place that you can get to or reach in case your husband looks to cut off your communication again. I think that bit was the most worrying from your original post that he smashed up all your phones, leaves you very vulnerable.


And sweetie, please do not blame yourself for what has happened in the past with first partner and now this, you may feel humiliated but hey join the club of those of us who got it wrong a few times in relationships, but guess what one day we get it right. XXX

saffronflowers

Well his parents are away, so they wont be in. I just want to speak to him, and know that he is OK - well daft think is I keep checking online banking to see where he is!!

Not sure what to do this afternoon.

SFx

onamission_2

saffron - have fingers crossed that it all sorts itself out soon.
you could be concentrating on backup plan. know where to go and what to do if he comes back and kicks off as invariably they do. just a matter of when....
have you changed pin codes for online banking? make sure you have a source of money in case.

x

saffronflowers

Blimey this is turning into a bit of a soap opera!!!!!! Well, he hs taken £50 out of the bank, dont quite know why he needs that amount of money, the bus costs about £2!!! Hey ho!

SFx