All too much

rosieben

Some excellent advice here. I can't add anything but just wanted to say that you sound really capable and I'm sure you will decide what to do for the best.
I'll be thinking of you, and please keep in touch so we know you are ok.

I really hope you can sort things out and, whether it is with or without this man, I wish you and your girls a happy future.

saffronflowers

Well I have just spoken to the police station and he is still being detained, something tells me he must have kicked off at the police, cos I would have thought they would have just let him out this morning when he had calmed down. This is dong my head in the police wont tell what is going on cos of the data protection act.

SFx

southernscouser

I'll be honest with you. Sorry if it's a bit blunt. By the way I've only read your OP.

Your OH from what you've written sounds like an @rse. I know we don't have the full picture but it sounds like you are making all the effort and sacrifices to pay his debt when he couldn't give a !!!!!! himself.

Then we get to the domestic violence issue. DV isn't just about hurting you with his fists. What he did last night IS abuse. No-one deserves to have to live with that.

Ask yourself what you get from this relationship?

Good luck.

Jennie_2

saffronflowers wrote: »

Well I have just spoken to the police station and he is still being detained, something tells me he must have kicked off at the police, cos I would have thought they would have just let him out this morning when he had calmed down. This is dong my head in the police wont tell what is going on cos of the data protection act.

SFx

And what are you doing now....?

lynsayjane

saffron I'm afraid I have to radically disagree with most of the posts so far. Luckily (for them) no man has ever raised a hand to me, they'd bloody regret it if they did! But I have as a primary school child seen my mother slammed against a wall and pinned there by the throat. By my stepdad, a man I cared for greatly. This scared the living daylights out of me. I can't recall now whether my mum allowed him straight back into the home or what, as I say I was a small child, but I know it wasn't the last time. A couple of years later it was my little sister that stopped me haring down the stairs when I heard him yelling at my mum again. He is six foot and a big guy but I was damned if I was going to lie in my bed and listen to that.

I don't know how old your girls are but for their sake this monster should not be allowed back into their home until you know for sure that nothing like this will ever happen again. He has shown himself to be manipulative and bullying, there is a very very fine line between this and physical bullying....and once he hits you can you be sure he'll never hit your girls?

I'm sorry if this is harsh and I'm sat here near to tears of sympathy for you all. I've never told anyone the above story, though there is light in the tunnel. He got kicked out after the second time, totally changed and now over ten years later they are still together and mostly happy.

saffronflowers

Either getting him or the police officer in charge to call me back -

southernscouser

saffronflowers wrote: »

I have to admit that I do take the responsability and he probably sees me as controlling as I do deal with everthing, at the end of the day - nothing is all someones fault and I have to take my responsability as well. I dont like not being able to sort something out straight away. I just to know where he is and that he is OK

SFx

Sorry hun but sometimes something IS all someones fault.

I could be barking up the wrong tree here but you sound scared of him. You are trying to make excuses for HIS behaviour.

Are you afraid of him? If so then to me that says it all. You should never fear someone who is supposed to love you. I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh or insensitive but I've seen it before.

saffronflowers

No one is being out of order - I just dont know wht to do - or what is going on, why is he still there - the girls are being really great, and well behaved, but I am just sitting here not really being able to think straight.

SFx

lynsayjane

saffronflowers wrote: »

No one is being out of order - I just dont know wht to do - or what is going on, why is he still there - the girls are being really great, and well behaved, but I am just sitting here not really being able to think straight.

SFx

hunny I really hate to bug you, I know it's so much to take on board, after all this is a life changing day for you. But your first step really needs to be fixing these locks. Do you have a male friend (or a useful female friend) who could fit new ones for you? even if they are not used to keep your husband out there are other threats out there to you and your girls and you really really need to be able to secure your home. Don't be worried about asking for help from anyone, if they are your friends they will want to! Hell if you were in aberdeen I'D come over and do it (after all I did have to break into my own home then replace the locks after a silly accident!)

if it's a council house you are in they should have an emergency contact, I'm sure if you explained teh circumstances they would have someone over asap, after all there are kids involved. If they do charge I'm sure they'd be understanding and allow you to pay it in instalments or at a later date. but this is priority number one. Once you are all safe inside your home then you can sit and think about what to do.

scubaleopard

I think you have been through so much --- far too much!!! Instead of worrying about hom all the time think of your self. I know it is really hard and at times like this it is difficult to see the wood from the trees BUT you need to put you and your girls first , stop thinking about hime for the moment and get yourself safe and with some space to allow yourself to think and reflect on your life. Why not contact your Mum the " I told you so's" might be worth
hearing if you could go there for a while and sort your head out. THINK ABOUT YOU!!!!