All too much

itsarichmansworld

:grouphug:

Honey you know we're all here for you anytime

I think you need to go have a lie down or have a cuppa and try relax get your head clear you need to make a decision about your marriage.

Is there any relatives you can go live with?

Call the council if you have a council house to secure your house.
Or call your home insurance they should send locksmiths round as well so secure your house you have kids in the house it has to be secure

Much love to you hun x

smashedbooboo

First of all you need to make sure your house is secure. Have you got anyone with you. At the moment all your emotions will be rolled into one. But instead of them getting hold of you channel those emotions into something positive. I think you know the way things are going hun. and you have some hard decisions to make. But once done you will be able to rebuild your life again for you and your children. And dont think twice about getting him arrested or removed if it happens again. I personally would not let him into house for a second chance. But thats me. Once a bully always a bully. xxxxxxxxxx

immoral_angeluk

So sorry you've had to deal with such a horrible person. You did the right thing. Domestic abuse isn't just physical it's emotional too and it sounds like you've had a really rough time with him. Want to send hugs and I'd definately get the locks changed. You should be able to claim this on your house insurance too.

GirlRacer_2

Good morning Saffronflowers, I'm sorry about everything that happened last night. I don't really know what to say to you as I've never been in this position myself. However, I just wanted to send you lots of hugs and let you know I'm thinking about you x

immoral_angeluk

smashedbooboo wrote: »

First of all you need to make sure your house is secure. Have you got anyone with you. At the moment all your emotions will be rolled into one. But instead of them getting hold of you channel those emotions into something positive. I think you know the way things are going hun. and you have some hard decisions to make. But once done you will be able to rebuild your life again for you and your children. And dont think twice about getting him arrested or removed if it happens again. I personally would not let him into house for a second chance. But thats me. Once a bully always a bully. xxxxxxxxxx

I completely agree. If he's done it once he will do it again. I had an abusive ex and every time something happened he'd promise never again.. but of course it kept happening over and over until I left.

vickitoria100

a wealth of valuble advice here already.

i just wanted to add that...

saffronflowers wrote: »

Last night my husband was arrested for domestic violence, he did not touch me

Saffron, I don't like to judge but domestic violence is not always about physically hitting someone. It sounds to me like his controlling behaviour, smashing the phones so you can't use them, taking your car key and batteries, calling his mum to tell her you're "getting him arrested", they're all phsycological means of him "getting power" and that is domestic abuse in my eyes.

saffronflowers

It is my house, I am the sole tenant on the tenancy, I dont know if the council will come out today, and I am sure they will charge, yes the police took photos etc but at the end of the day even if they charge the costs to him it comes out of our money.

It is soo hard I work for the CAB and deal with all this sort of stuff but it is so hard when it is you that is going through it.

16011996

i wish i could offer you some advice, but i don't know where to start. but am thinking of you and sending nig hugs your way. whatever you do must be whats best for you and you kids.
160

Triker

Hi saffronflowers, well bet your head is spinning isn't it?

Can I ask why or what set him off to do what he did last night, was there a particular trigger? Was he drunk?

From what you have described already about your husband I'm guessing he does'nt appear to take reponsibility for much, e.g the debt, his behaviour.

Can I ask are you a 'capable' person who just gets on with everything, I ask only because it appears that your husband needs to understand that you cannot, and from now on shouldn't, be dealing with his debt and negative behaviour.

If you wish your relationship to carry on then use last night as a starting point in order to build a new, positive and dare I say on a more even footing relationship.

He'll either get it or not, perhaps one way to assess whether your husband is serious about dealing with his issues is to ask him to be honest about them to his parents. That way you make sure that you are not being sidelined with them and everything is out in the open.

If he refuses to acknowledge he has a problem or indeed that his actions are frightening and controlling and obviously unsupportive then maybe you ask him to have some time away from you in order to give you time to recover and think.

Don't forget sweetie part of you will be in shock and will be trying to 'make sense' of the extreme behaviour.

I send you strength and wish you well.XXX

saffronflowers

I have to admit that I do take the responsability and he probably sees me as controlling as I do deal with everthing, at the end of the day - nothing is all someones fault and I have to take my responsability as well. I dont like not being able to sort something out straight away. I just to know where he is and that he is OK

SFx