All too much

Triker

Well if he was arrested and held over night at the police station you could always ring the custody suite and ask if/when he'll be released.

saffronflowers

Thank you that is a good idea - had not thought of that!

SFx

Triker

But you'll probably have to borrow someone's phone as I just remembered he smashed all yours. oops sorry forgot that bit. XX

saffronflowers

No I have put my sim in my daughters's phone.

SFx

Jennie_2

Hi Saffronflowers...

A big hug first of all...

You need to sort this out with baby steps - one little step at a time. You have to think about the immediate needs of you and your girls...

Do you have any friends nearby that can help? At least taking the girls for you for the day?

Can the police point you in the right direction of some mediation? Maybe the Samaritans can?

Only you can decide whether or not you want a future with this man but whatever you decide you have to find a way forward.

You need to have a think about what has brought you to this point. Has the debt situation triggered this behaviour in him?

A friend of mine and her husband are in terrible debt, and this wonderful man she has been married to for nearly 30 years is now continually drunk, secretive, manipulative and displaying bizarre behaviour. They too have had bailiffs turning up at the door and she has found him hiding under the bed with bottles of spirits.

In my friends case the monetary situation seems to have pushed her husband over the edge. He has been running away and pretending it isn't happening. Is that a possibility for you husband?

Try and talk it through with him today, without your lovely girls in earshot.

Please keep safe and let people know where you are. Can you stretch to a Pay as You Go Mobile that you keep to yourself in case of emergencies.

Let us know how it goes. There are some lovely caring people here and we will do what we can to help. Listen to it all. Use what is relevant and right for YOU.

Be thinking of you!

be_focused

Sounds like you and I are similar in some ways, wanting to sort things out quickly and stuff and making sure all the debts are kept up to date and taking responsibility for it, or control as some would see it (someone needs to). I can understand that you don't want to give up on your husband and yet at the same time you are angry and confused. It's ok to be where you are, but know that it will pass, and everything will be ok. One of my motto's in life is that there are always more good times to come and always more bad times too, just hold out. You want everything to be ok and so do we all. Wishing you peace.

Hippolyta_2

hi, really felt the need to post a reply on here as reading your message struck a real chord with me. A couple of years back i was living with a guy who i had been with for 6 years, we had 2 kids, and like ur husband he never took responsibility for anything. He did go out to work but also spent all the money, and didn't think it was his problem when the gas was being cut off or the bailiffs were at the door. He didn't want to be in control of bills but he definately needed to be in control of me and hated me doing anything without him. He was jealous, controlling and possesive and became gradually more and more violent. He started off smashing things, the phone was a favourite by the way, and ended up hitting me. He would always appologise after and i stayed because i didn't know what to do. Then one night he was beating me and a neighbour called the police, he was arrested, and charged and told he wasn't allowed to return to the house. I felt so guilty, yes me, i didn't press charges but the police said they had enough evidence to do it anyway. It took all of this happening, and those first few days on my own to realise how much better off i was alone. I never let him come back, and he moved away. He still see's our kids, pays no money for them suprise suprise, but my life is so much easier without him in it. Plus I recently met a guy who has shown me what it feels like to really be in love and be loved, and sharing responsibilities is a big part of that.
I know you must feel confused and scared, but give yourself some time away from him and it will help you decide what you really want. You sound more than capable to me. Keep strong and good luck, you will be happy again.!!

onedayiwill

I have no advice, having never been in this situation, but want you to know that I am thinking of you. I am sure that you will find a way to get through this, but please ask friends and neighbours (who knows, they may turn out to be friends) to help you. You don't have to deal with everything alone. If you were my friend, I would drop everything to come and help, even if you lived far from me. Maybe you have some friends like that - now is the time to find out.

ani*fan

Hiya saffron

Just wanted to send you some sympathy and hugs :grouphug:. It sounds as if you are being mistreated on many levels, physical, emotional, financial and no wonder your head is all over the place.

Have you tried contacting women's aid? I don't know where you live but they have branches all over the place. You can find their number in the phone book. They have a much better handle on domestic abuse than the samaritans and will understand issues that may seem confusing to others such as why it may seem pointless to change the locks when you would gladly open the door to the person you love anyway. Abuse is designed to confuse...it helps the abuser gain power.

I'll be thinking about you all day and sending you positive vibes.

Take care.

jo1972

Hi there,

I don't really have any advice just wanted to give you a bit of moral support, there are plenty of people on here that will be able to give you advice, plus a few that probably understand your situation so you are in the right place. Do not suffer in silence, let everyone in to support you. I hope you get some good advice and manage to improve your situation. Sorry I'm a bit crap with things like this!!

Jo.x