40+ and single on 'single awareness day" again! Anyone else?

[Deleted User]

I agree 100% with your last sentence. I have no ties, own home, own car, no debts, im financially stable, look after myself and am independant. And im having trouble. I made myself available (not too available, i still got on with my own life/family though), because i was on a dating site to date. Seems he was just filling in time whilst he was waiting for his course to start. Talk about feeling used.

Gloomendoom

supermum38 wrote: »

It really just boils down to the differences between men and women and the fact that very few couples stay together until their children grow up nowadays.

Is it really so few? According to statistics the average marriage is expected to last 32 years, with 60% of marriages estimated to survive their 20th anniversaries.

Source

Edit: I've just realised that I have made the error of assuming that all the couples you refer to are married.

supermum38

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Edit: I've just realised that I have made the error of assuming that all the couples you refer to are married.

That's kinda the point. Only one of the couples I referred to got married. The rest never made it that far even when they were together for 4 or 5 years.

There are probably statistics for that somewhere but wouldn't it be fair to say that less couples get married nowadays and just live together instead?

It has to be a 'society' thing?

VestanPance

supermum38 wrote: »

That's kinda the point. Only one of the couples I referred to got married. The rest never made it that far even when they were together for 4 or 5 years.

There are probably statistics for that somewhere but wouldn't it be fair to say that less couples get married nowadays and just live together instead?

It has to be a 'society' thing?

Maybe they should consider not having children until they are with someone they would commit to marrying. Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than a marriage. It seems too many people jump quickly into having children with very unsuitable partners without ever giving it much thought.

To counter your experience every single one of my friends is married to long term partners and has children. I'm the only divorcee among any of my friends or relatives.

supermum38

VestanPance wrote: »

Maybe they should consider not having children until they are with someone they would commit to marrying. Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than a marriage. It seems too many people jump quickly into having children with very unsuitable partners without ever giving it much thought.

You are so right! When I look at women I know, most have children from more than one father and are not even with the second father anymore. The only exceptions are one couple who have been married for years (although his second wife) and another couple who have 13 children between them from previous marriages and are now married but had no more kids and been together (and now married) for nearly 10 years.
From this I would say that that women should not have children if a man is not prepared to marry them (show commitment in other words).
For me this was the issue with my first serious relationship after my first marriage. He wanted a child(ren) with me but would not marry me. Our disagreement led to the break up of a 4 year relationship.
He now has two young children with a girl (much younger) and doesn't even get to see them that often as he didn't want to marry her either and they broke up.

I suppose it boils down to the lack of commitment from men and the women having children with those unwilling to commit?

Back to our changing society again?

VestanPance

supermum38 wrote: »

I suppose it boils down to the lack of commitment from men and the women having children with those unwilling to commit?

Back to our changing society again?

Not all men are commitment phobic, not all women would have children in the manner you suggest. I'd say your stories say more about the people you know than society in general. What you've described is completely alien to me.

supermum38

VestanPance wrote: »

Not all men are commitment phobic, not all women would have children in the manner you suggest. I'd say your stories say more about the people you know than society in general. What you've described is completely alien to me.

I'm not denying this is a one sided view. I am basing my comments on what I see around me but it does seem to be a general trend when you look at the comments from other women on this thread.

julie2710

Oh dear! Here we go with the stereotypes already! Not every single mother of more than one child didn't marry, had children from different fathers or didn't think they were in a long term committed relationship.

I sometimes think this is half the problem with my finding someone. They assume as I'm single and have two young children I'm the typical "single mother".

I was married to my ex, had been with him for 10 years and was 37 when I had my first child and 40 when I had the second. I thought I was married and in a serious relationship, that was partly why I was so late having children as I hadn't been in that position before. Clearly my ex husband didn't think the same and was quite happy to go off with a younger model who batted her eyelashes at him for five minutes.

Maybe if society was a little less judgemental things would be easier!

Gloomendoom

VestanPance wrote: »

To counter your experience every single one of my friends is married to long term partners and has children. I'm the only divorcee among any of my friends or relatives.

Same here, although I don't have children.

loveabargain13

Supermum thanks for starting this thread.... I am 29, no children, no valentine... love to meet someone but happily not deperately...not so sure I will find him in the Zumba class hehehe