40+ and single on 'single awareness day" again! Anyone else?

supermum38

Hi all

So another valentines day and no date...again!
I'm guessing this is about the 5th year in a row for me but that doesn't mean I've been single all that time. Just that the people I was seeing were non-committal and not romantic enough to make a fuss about it.

I decided to completely remove the two main characters described above from my life permanently about two years ago as I was fed up of being treated like something to relieve their boredom.

Since then I've been concentrating on my two teenage sons and getting my life (finances + career) in order and registered on some dating sites.
Having used these sites some years before, I didn't expect much and to be honest I've probably only met 2 or 3 people. None went on to a second date which didn't surprise me.

I guess the only reason I started this thread is to chat with anyone else in the same boat. I don't have any single friends anymore so don't have anyone to go out with and I absolutely would not go out alone! Sure I meet people at work but no men even flirt with me?

I'm hardly unattractive for 42. I'm blonde, buxom and only a size 12/14. I dress nicely and make an effort everytime I leave the house. The only experience I had was being chatted up by a very tasty (and sober) 24 year-old a couple of weeks ago while meeting a friend for coffee a couple of weeks ago BUT I draw a limit at anyone young enough to be my son!

Anyone else out there feeling a bit bewildered at being single for a while?

lix75

You're not alone

I have a date with Ms. Bronchitis today. She wouldn't leave the 'house'.

Turning 38 in the summer, recent break-up, not many friends. Joined OKC and don't have time for it. I don't have babysitting money either so dating is a bit tricky. I do have success on OKC, mostly with married men who are looking to go astray. And yes, some men in their early 20s, looking to have fun :-)

On flirting at work, I don't think it's an environment conducive to flirting (unless we're talking drunken accidents after work ).

NAR

See you have scared everyone off because you are a better catch than they are! :rotfl:

edeneve

Hi...know how you feel....I'm 41 and a single mum, teens to ex hub and young ones to last ex who cheated and got another woman pregnant, hes just had another baby with another woman...I'm well rid...but as to meeting someone else, ah think I've given up for a variety of reasons...

I have dated but all seem to have some underlying issue...one turned out have a criminaL record, crazy ex and acohol problems,

one guy dated for near a year, when eventually told his daughter she stopped talking to him and didn't want him having a gf so we split.

Another guy who was lovely but sadly no romantic attraction...damn

and a handful of funny first dates.

I've come off the sites as TBH can't be bothered at the moment, seemed to have lost my belief in men for a while. Just annoying as both ex's have new partners and new lives, one lives life of riley as doesn't take any responsibility for kids, other sees kids every other week but lives in a lovely place by the sea. Bloody annoying as he was an abuser and a cheat and then he ends up walking straight into another relationship, in her house, transfers his job to the place and lives in a lovely place by the sea....grrr.... I've been waiting over 7 years now for older kids to leave school/college so can move away to be nearer sea and have a more relaxed life. Anyway off the point.

I'd love to meet someone genuine but TBH don't think there is a man out there for me sadly.

supermum38

Thanks for the replies.

Re: work. I am actually a rep so I visit a store as apposed to actual work there as a worker and years ago doing the same job, I was always chatted up by the workers. I guess it's maybe my age? but the stupid thing is then I was stressed, a struggling single mum who needed a babysitter. Now I am self sufficient, debt free with a nice (secondhand) car, independent teenagers and slimmer.

My theory about dating sites is based on personal experience. When I message guys with 'real' profiles. I get 'thanks but no thanks' and the messages I get are from frumpy/religious/young/uneducated perverts with NO chance of a date with me! I'm not vain but I have so much to offer, why do the supposedly decent ones reject me??

My ex's have all continued to pursue me with apologies saying I was the 'best' they ever had and were stupid to let me go but after their 2 chances I decided I was worth more than that. It has taken years to get over 2 abusive husbands and now I am 'free' of hangups and responsibilities, I want to find a partner.

The few friends I have have partners and they don't like us going out. Admittedly, I have made new friends by taking up new activities but again none of the men have approached me?

Every female friend I have has a partner so what's wrong with me?

supermum38

Edeneve, I hear you!

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever meet anyone!

Sending you love.X

Welshwoofs

I tend to think that when you're in your 40s, the men on dating sites often have an over-inflated opinion of their own worth and are busy going after 25-year old women.

In general though it's the law of averages; the more people you communicate with/meet, the more likely you are to find someone who suits.

As for valentine's day; I'd just ignore it. It's a manufactured commercial spend-fest and anyone in a relationship pretty much feels duty bound to take part lest they appear to be unromantic....the irony being that the mere fact that you're propelled to be romantic on the day the greetings cards tell you to be is de facto, not romantic.

supermum38

You are absolutely right 'Welshwoof'!
I've found a similar thread on here today and it's helped me realise that I actually don't feel the loneliness so much day to day but it always haunts me on special occasions like today (or Xmas).
Truth is It's always the same people on all the dating sites and I don't make enough effort. I'd rather meet someone in person but just don't seem to be able to.
Anyway, after some lovely replies on the forum and a nice message from a friend, I'm feeling a bit happier now...

SailorSam

Excuse me, lets not have a one-sided thread,
there's some pretty weird women out there on dating sites as well.

Joons

My single friend has been really upset with these damned dating websites, met a guy she really liked, on the 2nd date he was saying how much he liked her and planning their next meeting - she never heard from him again and he's ignored all texts and calls.

I reckon the ratio between men and women is too inbalanced, the men seem to have a lot more to choose from and let's face it, they are greedy !!!!!!s! Plus, the females beat them hands down the looks department.

lix75

Love comes when you stop looking for it

I don't think the online sites are completely useless as you can meet people, go out, have fun, etc. but the chances of meeting a true partner via these sites are slim to none.