40+ and single on 'single awareness day" again! Anyone else?

dandelionclock30

Instead of dating sites and hanging out in pubs/clubs have a think about instead joining some type of sports club.
You dont have to be mega fit as there are always beginner type groups in all sports clubs.Things like climbing,kayaking,triathalon, running, cycling etc.
All these attract a lot of men who will be pleased to help you with the activity.Even if you dont meet anyone romantically you will be meeting new people, getting fit and having a laugh. Chose something that you do have some interest towards and take it from there.This is miles better option than dating sites.

supermum38

Torbrex, I'm sending you love today. I'm sure you are a lovely guy. Just wish there were some like you near me.
I am really attracted to guys who can make laugh, in fact it's almost a requisite when I do chat to any bloke.
I often smile and chat to strangers as part of job but it brings to mind something a male friend said to me once...
'They probably think you have a partner because you are too nice to be single!'

Maybe I should wear a badge saying 'single'?

I stopped 'looking' for over a year as well with no luck and that's why I went back to the sites...wish I hadn't bothered.

Here's another funny for you all...

I saw a book while I was working a few years ago and decided to buy it. Can't remember the name exactly but it was something like 'How to find a husband'. Anyway i followed the book (it included dating websites) and I did meet someone I married.
Only the marriage didn't last. He petitioned for divorce before our first anniversary.
To put it simply, he was old enough to be my father and didn't mind how I behaved until I had the ring on my finger...
Then I had to wear high neck tops, no shorts skirts, could not talk to 'any' men, even his friends and he brought my lunch to work every day. My friends stopped visiting because he was always grumpy and sat in on our conversations! Yes, a control freak! I think the fact I was so much younger made him insecure so things got tense.
I was his third wife and would you believe it, he went on to marry my ex boyfriends mother!

supermum38

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Instead of dating sites and hanging out in pubs/clubs have a think about instead joining some type of sports club.
You dont have to be mega fit as there are always beginner type groups in all sports clubs.Things like climbing,kayaking,triathalon, running, cycling etc.
All these attract a lot of men who will be pleased to help you with the activity.Even if you dont meet anyone romantically you will be meeting new people, getting fit and having a laugh. Chose something that you do have some interest towards and take it from there.This is miles better option than dating sites.

I've done exactly that! Last year I joined an archery club and I'm now doing two different modules for a degree with the OU.
I've been friendly with all the men but still not so much as an invite for a drink?

Can't figure it out!

Welshwoofs

supermum38 wrote: »

That's my biggest worry! I've been happily single for a couple of years and filled up my free time with activities in the hope I might meet someone that way. I haven't yet although my new friends seem to. I'm convinced it's my age and I'm now edging closer to the next decade!

Don't let your age phase you. I split up with my partner when I was 42 and had plenty of 'oh god, who's ever going to want to take on a crumbling old bag' moments but I then went on to find a lovely bloke who makes me feel like I'm in my 20s again.

It's just a matter of being open to possibilities and not giving up I guess.

January20

lix75 wrote: »

Love comes when you stop looking for it

This is complete rubbish! I have been single for 13 years - by choice so I have no regrets and no desire to be in a relationship - and love hasn't come knocking at my door - especially when I'm in my hermit phase and stay at home for days!

supermum38 wrote: »

I only returned to dating sites because my son's girlfriend actually signed me up to one because she said I was too nice to be single!

This is such a silly thing to say! So does this mean that your life is not worth living, that it is wasted, that you are wasted because you don't have a man in your life? I think not! She is young and idealistic so don't set your expectations along with hers.

I don't think you are happy being on your own. I can see clues of this in your posts. You do sound a little desperate (said without meaning to be offensive) but you must work out why this is. Is it because you really want a man in your life or because you feel left out, because people are putting pressure on you, making you feel like your life is wrong?

I find people can't accept that a person - especially a woman - could be happy on their own. I hear my friends complain about their relationships and in the next breath they will ask me why I haven't signed up to an online agency! I feel I constantly have to justify my choices! Personally, I would rather be on my own than have to ask someone permission to go out with my friends!

Valentine's day is a tricky one too where it's thrown in your face that you are alone whilst seemingly the rest of the world is in couples! I got to work this morning and somebody had received a large bouquet of red roses. It's not easy, I know.

In the end, you have to decide what is going to make you happy and aim for it, but don't waste your present life in search of a future that may never happen.

supermum38

January20 wrote: »

I don't think you are happy being on your own. I can see clues of this in your posts. You do sound a little desperate (said without meaning to be offensive) but you must work out why this is. Is it because you really want a man in your life or because you feel left out, because people are putting pressure on you, making you feel like your life is wrong?

You are right of course! I do want to be in relationship but the right one! This is one of the reasons I cut out the players in my life to have some time to think about what I wanted in my life then with a clear head and no hang-ups find someone I could have a proper relationship with. Admittedly, I am getting a little impatient and days like today just remind how long I have been single.

It's not that I feel worthless or I'm trying to conform to what other people think I should do! I am my own person and being 'older and wiser' means I have learned to walk away if a relationship isn't working.
I worry about getting older and I worry that all these extra activities I am pursuing to improve my life means I won't be leaving any room for a potential partner but I'm not going out 'on the pull' or messaging every bloke in my area on the dating sites. My effort is half-hearted. I want to meet someone to share good times with. I get especially lonely at Xmas (my family are abroad/miles away) because my teenagers go off to do stuff with their mates/girlfriends so days like today always remind me that I am still single.
I have now planned to go away at least once a month this year, since I'm not needed at weekends, to keep me occupied.
I'm sure that when I meet someone I will miss the freedom I have now but I look forward to sharing days and activities with that person!

Maureen43

Supermum - I can relate to everything you say!

So nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this.

supermum38

I hear you Maureen43.

sending you my love for today!:A

[Deleted User]

No your not alone... ive all but given up now hoping i will meet a normal guy. Ive told the one ive only just met recently today that its not working. All the guys ive met seem very keen to start with, then somewhere (normally between the first and second month) they cant be bothered. It seems to me they like the idea of being with a woman but dont want to put the effort in of seeing them. Im 47 btw. Petite size 8 and have been told i look no where near my age (not that that should having anything to do with it). All the guys ive met in the past just want the fun without the relationship. So ive all but given up, and its got to me today of all days. Especially when i went to the effort of buying a small gift today. Just edited to day edeneve, ive been there too, exs wanting 2nd and 3rd chances. All the men i meet have all said the same thing, you should treat each relationship different, because im not your ex.... then heyho, they all end up the same because they cant be bothered to make an effort.or they lie, or cheat, or have baggage.

dibuzz

In 20 years of marriage and the 5 years before that I never got so much as a card off my ex, in fact Ive never received a Valentines card, how embarrassing is that?
At least now I'm single people dont ask what I got, I used to feel so small telling everyone I'd got nothing as usual.