Get mad or get even?

Savvy_Sue

Person_one wrote: »

Playing daft games like that would be really immature.

Very possibly. I think it sometimes helps to think through the options though ...

The other one I thought was a note along the lines of "just thought you'd like to know my STD tests have come back clear, quite relieved as you can imagine."

Person_one wrote: »

She doesn't want to hurt this woman, she wants to do her the favour of letting her know the true colours of the man she's in the process of making a huge commitment to!

I don't see any way of doing it WITHOUT hurting the other woman though. Certainly the man is likely to play it down, "nothing in it, she always had a thing for me" etc.

And I suppose my suggestions - while not entirely serious - are coloured by that: it can't be done without causing hurt.

Person_one wrote: »

I agree with conradmum, it should be free of emotion, just the facts and no suggestion that you're doing it to ruin their happiness, just for the sake of sisterhood.

TBH I'd leave the sisterhood out of it. The facts, yes. Proof, yes - although some people just won't believe proof.

but the chap's going to spin it as the OP trying to ruin their happiness, whatever is said or not said!!!

Wellyboots6

If it were me I would want to know. I would hate you for telling me and ruining my happiness, but over time I would be thankful

Another spin on it though...

Could it be that he has decided to change his ways and he is now going to be faithful to her? There could be a chance it works out between them and you could end up ruining something that could actually work.

Not that I believe that though!

Robin_TBW

Tell the other woman. In a letter. With picture evidence.

victory

Robin_TBW wrote: »

Tell the other woman. In a letter. With picture evidence.

Why? To hurt her? To ruin her life? To destroy her when probably she knew nothing? Seems quite cruel on a maybe innocent person?

pigpen

Count your blessings.. she is stuck with a cheating rat and you had a lucky escape.. just be smug when you hear on the grapevine he is still at it and cheating on her with someone else.. and get yourself tested for std's..

balletshoes

victory wrote: »

Why? To hurt her? To ruin her life? To destroy her when probably she knew nothing? Seems quite cruel on a maybe innocent person?

wouldn't you tell her then Victory? I don't doubt at all that, if she doesn't already know, the other woman is going to be devastated, whichever way the OP words it - but doesn't she at least need to be informed? Right now, at least for the last 2 years, she may have been living a lie.

Slinky

victory wrote: »

Why? To hurt her? To ruin her life? To destroy her when probably she knew nothing? Seems quite cruel on a maybe innocent person?

What may be worse is a few years down the line when she has children with him and can't escape. If she has the knowledge, she can do what she likes with it.

I would prefer to know, even though dealing with the issue when it arises will be horrible.

tea_lover

conradmum wrote: »

I would write her a letter, preferably to her workplace so he can't intercept it,

That's just cruel imo. No one should get news like that at work!

FWIW, I wouldn't say anything at all. Just walk away and leave them to it.

georgiesmum

Sorry but I'm for revenge. I would certainly let the other woman know. Not just because she needs to know but because he, the b*****d needs to be found out.
Might not be the Christian thing to do but boy would i feel good.

sweetsheep84

I would want to know tbh. Truth is better than living in bubbles of lies. But it is quite tricky to tackle. The other one could be in denial or call you crazy.

I am just trying to picture myself in her shoe. If someone came to me and told me this, I will obviously tell her to foxtrot oscar. But then after I calm down, if she did present evidence to me, I will be grateful of her for plucking up the courage to tell me. I will then see what should be done.

So yeah. Telling her is what I will do but there is no easy way of doing it.