Get mad or get even?

conradmum

I would tell her, but out of kindness and female solidarity more than revenge. Ask yourself, would you want to know? Of course you would.

I would write her a letter, preferably to her workplace so he can't intercept it, or her email address. Be factual, not emotional, and give details that show you can't be lying, e.g. things that you would only know if what you're saying is true.

Then leave it at that and move on. For your own mental health it's best to avoid mulling over these things as much as you can.

Savvy_Sue

Rev wrote: »

She doesn't know about me. It's actually someone I used to be friends with. They're just setting up house together now. She's moved across country to be with him.

How about sending a really gushy sentimental 'new home' card? Saying how much you're missing him but wish him well and hope they're really happy together.

maintenanceman

phill are you really that bored or just want some attention.

Person_one

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

How about sending a really gushy sentimental 'new home' card? Saying how much you're missing him but wish him well and hope they're really happy together.

Playing daft games like that would be really immature.

She doesn't want to hurt this woman, she wants to do her the favour of letting her know the true colours of the man she's in the process of making a huge commitment to!

I agree with conradmum, it should be free of emotion, just the facts and no suggestion that you're doing it to ruin their happiness, just for the sake of sisterhood.

FatVonD

I'm another that would want to know. I think you should tell her as long as you realise it's up to her what she does with the information and it may well not be what you'd do.

I don't think you should over egg the pudding with too much detail. just an 'as part of the sisterhood I think you should know but understand you may have been aware anyway and it's up to you what you do with the information. I won't contact you again and would appreciate if you didn't contact me either. Good luck whatever you decide' note with a photo of the two of you together taken in that time frame.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

If I was the other woman, I'd want to know.

I'll second that.

She may not thank you for it. Very likely she'll "throw a few words" at you initially. She is entitled to know that she is dating a "cheater" though. What she does about it is up to her, but at least you won't have to live with a bad conscience from letting her go on dating him in all innocence of the fact that he is a cheater.

nlj1520

Having dated someone who turned out to be a cheater and having found out myself the person I wanted to suffer was my ex. Not the other women, they were victims like me and had their own paths to tread, not up to me to throw a huge rock onto that path.
What got me past the desperate desire for revenge was the belief that he would get his just desserts at some point even if I wasn't around to see it.
I subsequently found out (he called me a few months back) that he had got what he deserved. When he tried to pick things up with me again I was quite polite and firm......NO WAY.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

NoGoodNamesLeft

If she had found out first, would you want her to tell you?
That's your answer.

chewynut

Put yourself in the other woman's shoes. You're about to move in with your partner of two years and suddenly a woman appears to claim that he's been cheating on you for two years.

Would you want to know? If so then tell her. Especially before they move in together and it becomes a whole lot messier. I'd take proof too because some people simply don't want to know and will spend decades denying it to themselves and then another decade crying about it *cough* my aunt *cough*

LannieDuck

I would tell her. Not for revenge or in an attempt to 'get even', but because she's in a long-term, committed relationship... and he's not.

I would hate to be in that situation myself, and would much prefer to know before I got married or pregnant, rather than after.

OP, do you know her current address? I would send her a simple, polite letter. Keep it short and to the point. Don't let it get too emotional. You could include a way of contacting you if she wants to (an e-mail address?). That way she can choose whether to believe it/throw it in the bin. But at least I would have tried.