Get mad or get even?

meritaten

Person_one wrote: »

It is nice, its a kind thing to do for someone who is being screwed over in exactly the same way the OP was!

Please tell her, she's his victim too and deserves to know what he really is just as much you did.

I SO wish I could say what i really mean! when I said 'its not nice' I meant it would make you feel really bad and wouldnt be nice for the other woman to hear!!!!

barbiedoll

OP, I still say leave well alone. It's not your problem if she ends up married to him with a mortgage, kids and a pet rabbit, it's her problem.

If you come along and tell her about what a lying rat he is she will either
a) not believe you and carry on moving in with him regardless
b) believe you, bawl him out, listen to his begging and pleading and carry on moving in with him regardless.

She is moving away from home to be with him so I'm guessing that he now won't have the time or opportunity to hang out with anyone else......that's why you had to go.
He's made his choice, possibly a little late but he has made it. Telling his girlfriend will just make you look like a jealous, bitter saddo with no life of your own. And DEFINITELY don't put anything in writing, that includes emails and texts (A lawyer once told me that!) All that stuff has a habit of coming back to haunt you if you're not careful

Leave well alone and move on. You won't give him a second thought after a while, he obviously wasn't the love of your life.
Don't waste any more time on him.

Person_one

barbiedoll wrote: »

OP, I still say leave well alone. It's not your problem if she ends up married to him with a mortgage, kids and a pet rabbit, it's her problem.

If you come along and tell her about what a lying rat he is she will either
a) not believe you and carry on moving in with him regardless
b) believe you, bawl him out, listen to his begging and pleading and carry on moving in with him regardless.

She is moving away from home to be with him so I'm guessing that he now won't have the time or opportunity to hang out with anyone else......that's why you had to go.
He's made his choice, possibly a little late but he has made it. Telling his girlfriend will just make you look like a jealous, bitter saddo with no life of your own. And DEFINITELY don't put anything in writing, that includes emails and texts (A lawyer once told me that!) All that stuff has a habit of coming back to haunt you if you're not careful

Leave well alone and move on. You won't give him a second thought after a while, he obviously wasn't the love of your life.
Don't waste any more time on him.

Maybe she'll do C.) Leave him because he's a lying !!!!!!. Women do sometimes leave their partners!

dandelionclock30

From a different perspective just accept that the majority of partners are not monogamous anyway and never really have been. That one man one woman thing for ever exists just in fairytales.
Next time just please yourself and do what you want and let them do what they want, because they will regardless.Once you get your head round this reality it will be a lot easier for you.

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

I SO wish I could say what i really mean! when I said 'its not nice' I meant it would make you feel really bad and wouldnt be nice for the other woman to hear!!!!

Don't worry, I think that was me misinterpreting more than you not wording it right.

Rev

I've decided to tell her. Honestly, because I couldn't not tell her and like myself much, I'll be factual, if she doesn't believe me so be it. I've tried and can move on knowing I didn't just leave her unaware.

I have zero idea how to word it though, tried to write it a few times but just doesn't seem right.

Give him chance to tell her? More like give him a chance to make up a story about how I'm some raving nutter out to get him.

Rev

Saturnalia wrote: »

I think you should tell her. Being cheated on is hurtful enough, but then finding out that everyone else knew and you've been publicly humiliated and talked about behind your back when all the while you thought your man loved you - that is pain beyond description.

I haven't told anyone else, for that reason. I don't want to turn it into gossip. I asked here for impartial opinions. I love my friends but their views would be tainted by the fact I've been hurt.

dandelionclock30

If you tell her, what will happen is that he will say that you are a lunatic who is jealous and that you are a liar etc. She will not want to believe you and will stick with him whatever.Even if deep down she does believe you she wont admit it to herself and will be in denial.
No way will she kick him out especially if hes got money/house/a nice car etc.

Person_one

Rev wrote: »

I've decided to tell her. Honestly, because I couldn't not tell her and like myself much, I'll be factual, if she doesn't believe me so be it. I've tried and can move on knowing I didn't just leave her unaware.

I have zero idea how to word it though, tried to write it a few times but just doesn't seem right.

Give him chance to tell her? More like give him a chance to make up a story about how I'm some raving nutter out to get him.

Dear (Name)

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you deserve to know so you can make your own decision based on the facts.

I was in a relationship with (!!!!!!'s name) from dd/mm/yy to dd/mm/yy which I believed to be committed and monogamous but which obviously wasn't. As I understand it, you are in a very similar position so I feel you need to know about this, if you don't already.

Again, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news and wish you all the best whatever you decide.

Sincerely, (your name).

Person_one

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

If you tell her, what will happen is that he will say that you are a lunatic who is jealous and that you are a liar etc. She will not want to believe you and will stick with him whatever.Even if deep down she does believe you she wont admit it to herself and will be in denial.
No way will she kick him out especially if hes got money/house/a nice car etc.

Do you know this woman?