Get mad or get even?

Rev

Split with OH a few weeks back. Thought it was mutual. Both want different things etc. Hard but these things happen.

Then find out for the whole 2 year relationship I was one of two. Not so much 'the other woman' as it seems both relationships were started at the same time.

Now. What would you do? Turn the other cheek leave them both two it and move on. IE - Get angry and get over it.

Or tell all, let the woman know she was being cheated on just as I was. IE don't get mad, get even.

I'm torn. I'm not ashamed to admit that Part of me feels spiteful and thinks their should be consequences, I feel hurt at being treated like this. Feel stupid for not realising etc. And if it were me, I'd want someone to tell me.

Part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish. Let it go and move on. It's not my fault. Sometimes relationships work sometimes they don't. It hurts but in time I'll get over it and heal.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?

Tiddlywinks

Move on... do you really want to get embroiled in a slanging match?

Fighting over him will only make him believe he is worth the fight.

sweaty_betty

Walk away. You've had a lucky escape.

Mojisola

If I was the other woman, I'd want to know.

barbiedoll

If you were "one of two" then he now has a vacancy. She will find out sooner or later what he is up to, you don't need to be the one to tell her. It will just make you look vindictive and spiteful and you will one day hate yourself for making her unhappy. He is more than capable of doing that to her so you really don't need to. And let's face it, unless she already knows about you, she's blameless in this. Ultimately, she's just another one of his victims.

I know that you feel stupid and used but you really are the lucky one. At least you know what a lying ratfink he is. Have a good cry/scream/whinge etc etc and move on. And thank your lucky stars that this is only two years out of your life. At least you weren't married to him!

Be lucky, onwards and upwards!

marisco_2

Are you sure it is only a double life your ex was leading? I am sorry to raise this point but there may well have been more than two of you involved with him.

To be honest my first concern would not be about getting even but in getting checked out for sexually transmitted diseases. You cannot be too careful.

sassyblue

Did she know about you? She might have done and on that basis I'd say nothing in case you get another shock.

Walk away and laugh, he won't change. X

Rev

Already done. All clean thankfully.

There may be more than two. I don't care much tbh. I'm not going looking.

That for me is the only sticking point. If it were me if want to know.

But you're right, I'd probably just come across as a crazy cow!

She doesn't know about me. It's actually someone I used to be friends with. They're just setting up house together now. She's moved across country to be with him.

Thanks for the replies.

balletshoes

Rev wrote: »

Split with OH a few weeks back. Thought it was mutual. Both want different things etc. Hard but these things happen.

Then find out for the whole 2 year relationship I was one of two. Not so much 'the other woman' as it seems both relationships were started at the same time.

Now. What would you do? Turn the other cheek leave them both two it and move on. IE - Get angry and get over it.

Or tell all, let the woman know she was being cheated on just as I was. IE don't get mad, get even.

I'm torn. I'm not ashamed to admit that Part of me feels spiteful and thinks their should be consequences, I feel hurt at being treated like this. Feel stupid for not realising etc. And if it were me, I'd want someone to tell me.

Part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish. Let it go and move on. It's not my fault. Sometimes relationships work sometimes they don't. It hurts but in time I'll get over it and heal.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?

It wasn't working out, you guys split up.
You don't need to be mad with the woman - she wasn't the one having the relationship with you. However, if you can let her know then leave the pair of them alone to sort it out for themselves, then I think thats what I'd do.

Rev

I'm not mad at her. Not at all. I'm mad at him. I just think she deserves to know.

But can I be bothered with backlash, if there is any.

Mojisola

Rev wrote: »

I'm not mad at her. Not at all. I'm mad at him. I just think she deserves to know.

Are there any mutual friends who would tell her?