tonights the night

saffronflowers

Sorry but why did you borrow £9000 for your wedding surely it is something that you pay for together. Where did he think all the stuff came from and got paid for? Sorry that is a bit blunt, not meant to be. Hug

SFx

Dumyat

yeah I'm kind of struggling with that one too. why is it your debt when it was your (both of you) wedding? And why are you having to work two jobs to pay it off?

Isabelle

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

I am going to have to tell my hubby that im in debt and to what extent tonight. He keeps telling me we need to go to the bank to get my statements to see what i have coming in and going out. He hasnt got a one clue that i owe the money i do. I am petrified. I have no family or friends round here -we have not long moved to a new area. If he hits the wall i have no one to turn to. I realise that this is the best option in the long run, but i am so scared about what is going to happen- will he finish it with me? I love him, and we have only been married a year, i dont want us to finish but its all my fault for wanting a nice wedding that i had to go and get myself into debt for. Im sat here crying here as i type this as this is a situation i did not want to face, i never wanted to be in this situation again. He is going to go mad.

Hi hannahsmummy

Sorry to hear you're so unhappy about all this. Don't forget we're all here to help/support so you do have someone to turn to!
As far as your husband is concerned, I'm sure he will be more supportive than you imagine. The fact that you are obviously keen to deal with the problem and have made the effort to join MSE will show him that you are serious about sorting it all out!
Let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you!
Isabelle

hannahsmummy1

its complicated- the wedding thing i mean! My parents originally agreed that they would foot the bill for the wedding- they at the time had savings from when they re-mortaged their house. So they offered- which was a hige weight at the time. They couldnt get their hands on the money straight away (again complicated which i wont bore you with) anyway to cut a long story short i was told by my father i should have gotten a cheque from my mum- but never did- for the full amount of the wedding- never got a cheque -but the money was gone from their account so he assumed (wrongly) that i had gotten the money. So i was waiting for money that was never going to arrive- hence the reason i had told hubby it had all been sorted out- to my knowledge it was- my mum then tells me that she has had to bail my brother out (again a long story- he is involved in drugs) to the tune of over 10k- so she had used their savings- she said she was sorry- so i told her not to worry i would pay for the wedding, which is what i did- only now im paying the price- getting myself into debt! With hindsight i would have done things a lot differently- ie NOT gotten into debt for the wedding, but whats done is done, my parents feel awful & responsible-even when ive told them its not their fault- they are in dire straights financially too because of my brother (again complicated!) so thats the reason about why the wedding cost 9k etc- hope this explains it

southwester_2

Explains a lot and if he doesnt support you now, then he doesnt deserve you

SortingIt_2

Hi there,

I wanted to quickly post before I finish work. Firstly well done you! This has obviously been extreamly hard on you andn for some time by the sounds of it, you should be proud of yourself and I hope that this has made you realise that you are stronger than you think!!

I really hope that it all goes well tonight, I am sure it will. I think that it is time your husband wakes up to his responsiblities, he did after all marry you. I think once you explain everything he will understand and hopefully in some ways it should make him think about himself as a person - why you couldn't or didn't feel you could come to him in the first place - after all he should be one that is closest to you and that you should be able to tell anything??

Please think about what you want out of this conversation tonight, you have struggled enought not only financially but with your health too and I think he should know this, it's only fair. There should be no reason for you to hide anything now, you have told him and therefore you should only be trueful and honest about all your feelings. This is the ideal time, he knows and is expecting a talk tonight so get it all out in the open - it can only do you good!

Please don't take offence to anything I have said and I hope I am not speaking out of terms as I am only thinking of you.

Good luck with tonight and I wait in anticipation for your post after which, I am sure is going to be a positive one.

Thinking of you xxx

southern_chick

Hi HM

i can't offer any advice that hasn't been given on here already, just wanted to add my support and say good luck for tonight, please let us know how you get on.

just a thought, has your oh ever been in debt in the past, before you knew him and managed to pay to all off, it could be why he is so manic about knowing where all the money goes?

good luck

SC XX

Skint_Catt

Hugs to you for tonight. I hope he's thought long and hard about it.

Is the £350 for his ex-wife for a child? If not why is he paying her money?

I don't really want to say this but is he likely to get violent?

C xx

Pumpkin_2

HM just wanted to add good luck for tonight you have been through a lot and you seem like such a strong person, I hope you get things sorted out for you and your daughter, whether that means staying with him or not.

Little_Miss_Winner

Thinking of you hannahsmummy, wer'e here wheneveryou need us whatever time of day and night someone will always be around.... xxxxx