tonights the night

hannahsmummy1

I am going to have to tell my hubby that im in debt and to what extent tonight. He keeps telling me we need to go to the bank to get my statements to see what i have coming in and going out. He hasnt got a one clue that i owe the money i do. I am petrified. I have no family or friends round here -we have not long moved to a new area. If he hits the wall i have no one to turn to. I realise that this is the best option in the long run, but i am so scared about what is going to happen- will he finish it with me? I love him, and we have only been married a year, i dont want us to finish but its all my fault for wanting a nice wedding that i had to go and get myself into debt for. Im sat here crying here as i type this as this is a situation i did not want to face, i never wanted to be in this situation again. He is going to go mad.

danielleindebt

explain to him you arnt trying to hide from it, as you have been sorting it out and have paid a few things off.

good luck and i will be thinking of you. you will feel so much better once its out in the open.

hypno06

Ok, first things first, please do not panic. Your situation is not so dire as it may seem on a day like this.

What I would do to prepare for this is to write everything down today - what you have spent, what it has been spent on, and what you are doing in order to repay everything.

This will prove that you have recognised that the spending was not acceptable, and would become a problem if you didn't tackle it, and you have tackled it and are making real progress in getting rid of the debt once and for all.

Because you are working well towards clearing things, I am sure you will find that although hubby may not be best pleased, he will know that you are not still increasing the debt, and you are being proactive in the way you are repaying.

Do you have a snowball DFD that you can produce to show when you will be debt free? That (or something similar) would really show that you are not taking this lightly.

As mentioned, although he may be disappointed, or angry, it is probably because you haven't shared things with him, rather than because you are in debt.

Good luck, you are doing really well and I hope you come back on here later just to let us know how you got on.

Thinking of you x

hannahsmummy1

i did a snowball calculator which shows that i should be debt free in 15 months! I currently work 2 jobs-even with a toddler in tow! I work my butt off to make sure i dont have to ask him for money! I know exactly what i owe even to the nearest pence! I was ill in hospital last week & the hospital are sure it was stress related- i couldnt tell them there & then that i was in a lot of stress at the moment! It will probably be the spare room for me tonight!

smashedbooboo

Hey hun, please dont get yourself wound up. I know the feeling you have right now. I did not tell my husband for years about my debts. And initially he went very quiet when i told him. Well actually he found a letter from a DCA i thought i had hidden. So i had to tell him. He then got angry then calmed down. He was more hurt that he felt i could not go to him. i was so scared. But once he knew it was like a tonne weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was really amazing. He may well go up the wall initially but if he really loves you he will sit down and help you. One thing i found is that instead of just telling him your in debt, tell him all the things you have done to sort it out. At least you are working on your debts. Just look at your signature. And trust me babes. if you love each other you will get through this. xxxxxxxxxxx you will feel much better after telling him. I know its not easy. But you know if he does go off on one for a while just let him steam for a little while and come and talk to us. You know someone will always be here to talk to you Good luck hun take care and big hugs

GirlRacer_2

I agree with everything that Hypno has said here. Good luck hun and let us know how you get on x

robnye

when you talk to him, can you show him what you owed to start and then show how much you have paid off since then...... whilst the chat may be difficult - he would at least see that you have been making attempts to pay the debts off

postingalwaysposting

hannahsmummy, good luck... i know it looks daunting and worrying at the momment but sit down with him and calmly tell him, as other have said include your amounts before and then how much is left now and also add in your snowball pridictions... i cant say what his reaction will be but once he sees you are doing all you can to pay this off and you arnt asking him for help i am sure you will be fine... chin up hun and remember if you need to escape/advice pop back on here and someone will help

elantan

will be thinking of you tonight i notice most people who do what you are planning on doing find it a positive step in dealing with the issue the fact they arnt keeping secrets anymore takes alot of stress off them ..i hope this is how you feel tomorrow ...all the best

weegie-dfw

Good luck with it! Your doing really well trying to sort it out yourself, but having the support of your OH is so important.

Me and my OH had a sit down to work things out a few months ago and it really took the pressure off.

xx

Snaggles

Hannahsmummy, I just wanted to wish you all the very best and I hope your talk with your husband goes well. He might be shocked and hurt that you have hidden it from him but he loves you and I'm sure he will understand in the end that you have got into debt because you wanted your wedding to be the perfect day for both of you. You are working so hard to repay the debt, and in just over a year you will be clear of it, so surely he will see that you are tackling it as best you can. Let us know how you get on, I'll be thinking about you xx