tonights the night

Little_Miss_Winner

Big Hugs Babe, but is it possible he is being like like this because you are letting him?????

sammy115

Gulp - I think you are married to my brother in law and you must be my sister. I can quite easily understand what you are going through as my sister goes through the same thing. She overspent and got a loan to pay it off. When she was away one weekend he found the loan agreement and said he would rather she had had an affair than taken a loan out. (He got over it!) He is a total control freak and rules my sister with a rod of iron. BUT I have to respect that this is the man she married and there is a reason she is still with him. I have told her if she ever wants to escape I will be there for her.

I think you are very brave to be telling him.. But listen, be strong and (struggling to find words here) what i am trying to say is don't let him bully you into doing something you don't want to do. (Like paying all your debt off immediately and having to beg someone to do so). You are a person in your own right - remember that. I used to be married to someone similar and it was only when I left him that I realised I had no confidence left.

Good luck love, I will check in tommorrow to see how you have got on.

PS I have just posted my story on the 'facing other halfs thread'.

sammy115

potogold wrote: »

Big Hugs Babe, but is it possible he is being like like this because you are letting him?????

I think that is what I was trying to say, but not as blunt.:p

Little_Miss_Winner

Sowwy, i have a habit of letting my gob run away...:o

southwester_2

This puts a differant perspective on it.

Hannahsmummy - You should not be afraid of telling him now, he doesnt seem to have helped you at all and therefore he is part to blame.!!

Sorry to be so blunt

Dithering_Dad

um, this may be a bit contentious, and usually I shy away from controversy, but would it be such a bad thing if you did split up? It doesn't sound like much fun with your hubby and his miserly ways.

No wonder you've had to get in debt if he earns all that lot and keeps most of it to himself!

I've just realised that I'm the only fella on this thread, so if this is an "X Chromosome only" meeting then please tell me to push off - I won't be offended.. much.

saffronflowers

HMs - urm - I have to say I am very uncomfortable reading your post. As I a previous poster said re her BIL that she respects him as he is the man her sister is married to and in that vein I hope that this post is respectful of your husband.

I am very worried that you are working two jobs with two very young children to get yourself you of what is pretty much negligable debt when your husband earns a collosul amount of money. It is wrong. I fear that you telling him will only give him more control over you and when you have cleared the debt he will find something else to excerpt and incorrect amount of influence over you.

It is not healthy for you or your children to live in a hosue where you basically seem to be frightened to breath and be normal. Kids are messy that is the nature of the beast (not that your kids are beasts!!)

Personally I think that you need to take control of your life and that of your children. Whether you can do this within your marriage I dont know. Part of me feels that you are with him for the security not necessarily for your life together. Please dont get me wrong I am not saying leave him etc I am saying that you have to live life as happy as you can be and do all that is in your power to be happy for yourself and your children.

The biggest of hugs sweetheart, remember you are an amzing person and you can do and be whatever you wish.

SFx

sammy115

Maybe I would do what a OH did to my friend. She transferred £100,000 over to another account, bit by bit and then left him. He is on the dole now! Although he obviously didn't check his account very often......

immoral_angeluk

Just want to say good luck and hope it all goes well. You'll probably find that it's easier than you think as I always find the thought of something is normally much worse than the actually doing...

Little_Miss_Winner

I've just realised that I'm the only fella on this thread, so if this is an "X Chromosome only" meeting then please tell me to push off - I won't be offended.. much.

Yeah shove off you!;)
(only joking......x)