tonights the night

*zippy*

You have already been given great advice, so just want to add good luck for tonight, we will be thinking of you.

Keep us posted how you get on, i'm sure it will help others thinking of telling their partners.

deliciosa

Good luck, you must be terrified. Big hugs x x x x x x x x x x x x x x make sure you tell us how it went

newlywed

I felt really ill before I told my OH the full extent of my debt. But we were snapping at each other and both really cranky as each time he wanted to go out, go for a meal, buy something for the flat etc I snapped at him as he had no work and I had huge credit card bills.

When I finally sat him down, added up everything I owe and told him, he wasn't impressed but he didn't shout and scream or anything. Now we are working together to sort it out and he is even supporting me in a DMP and sat down with me to work out half of all our bills etc.

So don't expect him to be impressed and say nevermind, but honestly once it's done you will feel so much better. All our snapping over money has gone now and he understands if I say I don't have the money to buy something extra for him. I'm not trying to hide things from him either.

I very much doubt his reaction will be anything near as bad as you are imagining. You will work through it and 15 months isn't long - mine will be at least 5 years to sort out, but then any loan I'd have tried would have been for that long anyway.

Thinking of you x

hannahsmummy1

Hi all- again!

I have sat down this morning and done a big spreadsheet and done my incomings and outgoings, how much my minimum payments are, how much extra i throw at my debts, when i hope to be debt free by and also the snowball calculator i did as well. I know his reaction will be fierce at first, but i do feel slightly better already about telling him. He is one these people who's bark is worse than his bite, once he has had his rant thats usually it- he doesnt stay angry for long. Hopefully he will see that my heart is in the right place by trying to sort it out all by myself, but it hasnt worked!

sammy115

Hi Hannahsmummy1 - can I just ask, and please don't take this the wrong way, why would your OH want to take you to the bank to get your statements to see what you have coming in and going out? What prompted this? Does he already have an idea that you might be in debt do you think?

You say you got into debt to pay for the wedding you wanted. Was he not aware of the costs and did he not wonder how you were paying for it.

As I said please don't take these questions the wrong way, I am not meaning to be critical at all.

Good luck telling your OH. I am one of those who hasn't/won't/can't tell my OH.

saffronflowers

Hannah'sMummy - I suspect if he does have a fierce reaction it will be more because you have been going through all this stress on your own and it is so in a man's nature to protect the ones they love. If he does rant and rave keep very quiet tilll he has blown. At the end of the day you have found your solution, and all you asking for is his support to sort it out. Best of luck and I am sure that it will go better than you fear.

Big hus

SFx

hannahsmummy1

sammy- its ok- i will answer the questions- he has a very well paid job, he just got a pay rise, and will now earn around 57K before bonuses- he doesnt give me a penny- at least he hasnt done since before christmas-out of the money i get each month-which amounts to just over 200-after minimum payments and other outgoings-so the excess gets put towards my debts. He sorts out all the bills and pays them all, everything is in his name too- including the house. As far as he knows i only have one outgoing a month of 10 pounds and the rest is incomings,he knows how much i get paid-i have to give him my wage slips from both jobs for him to put in his finance folders that he has 4 of! He keeps receipts for everything, and knows where every last penny he spends goes. He doesnt blow any money at all never- and he wont be able to understand why i have spent all that money and where it went and what i did with it- this comes from the man who the other day when my daughter got paint from somewhere he went mental (shes 2) and couldnt understand where the paint had come from- i put all the paints away so i figured it must have fallen out of the cupboard- he said it couldnt have- he just doesnt understand anything- i cant have the windows or the blinds open in the house- i cant have hot water on because of the electricity, i cant make many phonecalls unless its in the evening, he goes through the phonebill with a fine tooth comb, gets its itemised and wants to know who it is im ringing, why is the phonebill 30 pounds a month etc- i get lonely as i dont have no family or friends due to having to move with his work. its only recently our daughter is allowed in the living room, we have been made to sit and basically live in the kitchen at the previous house- he says he doesnt want out 2 year old trashing the place. His ex-wife gets money from him, she gets 350 a month, she also got half the profits from their house when he sold it, i never ask him for a penny and he still treats me like this. My parents believe i made a huge mistake when i married him- this is what he is like-hope you all understand a little of what i have to go through now with him

hannahsmummy1

In answer to the wedding question- he knew how much things were costing, he never offered to help pay for the costs- he knew i put some on my card and got 1 loan to pay for some- but the day before the wedding he turned and said he wanted the loan paid off before we came back from honeymoon- so i had to beg borrow and even steal from my own daughters bank accout the money to pay the loan off- which i did!

Little_Miss_Winner

Think by the sounds of it, he is living in a dream world. Sorry to be blunt hannahsmummy and i do really really feel for you.

BUT

Why is everything in his name including the house, why don't you have a joint account, why do you have to account for every penny, yet he doesn't?

You had to pay the loan off for the wedding before you came back off honeymoon? WHY?

How much do you earn doing your 2 jobs on a monthly basis?

Sorry for all the questions babe, but i really feel that your husband is being so unfair! From what you wrote he seems to be a complete control freak? Sorry if i have mis-understood, don't want to upset your or anything far from it, i think HE needs to wake up and smell the coffee...

hannahsmummy1

he is a control freak, i have told him this many times, its one of the few things his ex-wife said to me after we got together that is true!. Even his own mother says he is. My mum cant stand him and tells me all the time he is a control freak, she is forever wanting me to go back home and live there! He doesnt ever have to justify his actions to me, i never ask to see his statements or his banking or anything like that, he has always been like this since we got together-so i know whats going to happen tonight!