The continuing saga of my (comedic) love life!
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miss_independent
Posts: 1,191 Forumite
After posting a thread on Tuesday about encountering a terrible kisser which made some people smile, I thought you may like another laugh at my ridiculous love life.
Background - I'm 28. I've been asked out twice in my entire life. One of them turned out to be gay. The other was a cheater. I've been single for SIX years. Men NEVER approach me. Sorry, I'll re-phrase that. Straight, SANE, men under the age of 45 and over the age of 12 - never approach me. Ever. I often feel like some sort of "man repellant". I've been happily living my life, getting on with my career and interests, working on myself etc for the past six years. I don't *need* a man, I can look after myself but who wouldn't like to be part of their own romantic love story?
My New Year's Resolution was to go on a date. On New Years Day, I got asked on a date by a man (a friend who is in his late 40's). I'm pretty sure he was drunk because he has been in hiding since. But that's ok because I didn't want to go out with him but I didn't want to hurt him either. Long story short, I then ended up kissing a handsome, sweet friend with a terrible case of halitosis earlier in the week. Or rather he attacked me with his lips, several times whilst I tried hard not to vomit or breathe through my nose. It was my first kiss in six years. And it was the worst kiss of my life.
I was at a big party over this weekend. After my traumatic experience with what felt like being licked by the toilet on Tuesday, I decided I wasn't looking for anyone which was good because the 40 or so men under the age of 60 avoided me like the plague. However, I ended up slow dancing with several men in the 70 plus bracket who felt sorry for me. I really had no choice, they (like my kissing companion) had me in a vice-like grip. I eventually managed to hide in the toilets. And the good news is I have a date - one of them is taking me to see Alfie Boe! It's just a shame about the 50 year age gap.
Today, I received my first ever Valentine's card in my life. The man approached my mother, saying "she'll know what it's about" - handing me the card. Unfortunately, it's from a 50 year old, bald, extremely odd man who is a compulsive liar, wears tap shoes everywhere and who is always offering me lifts. Despite the fact he doesn't drive. I frequently drive past him whilst he waits for the bus as the rain bounces off his extremely reflective head. I think he polishes it. (I'm not being cruel, he does intentionally go for the skin head look - its a choice of his). From the tone of the card, he clearly thinks he is in a relationship with me. I don't know how I gave him this impression as I usually only say "Hi" in passing then quickly run away from him. But anyway, it's more than I got last Valentine's. Or the 27 before that.
Needless to say, my love life is looking up. Just not in the way I had imagined. Or hoped.
Be careful what you wish for folks.
Background - I'm 28. I've been asked out twice in my entire life. One of them turned out to be gay. The other was a cheater. I've been single for SIX years. Men NEVER approach me. Sorry, I'll re-phrase that. Straight, SANE, men under the age of 45 and over the age of 12 - never approach me. Ever. I often feel like some sort of "man repellant". I've been happily living my life, getting on with my career and interests, working on myself etc for the past six years. I don't *need* a man, I can look after myself but who wouldn't like to be part of their own romantic love story?
My New Year's Resolution was to go on a date. On New Years Day, I got asked on a date by a man (a friend who is in his late 40's). I'm pretty sure he was drunk because he has been in hiding since. But that's ok because I didn't want to go out with him but I didn't want to hurt him either. Long story short, I then ended up kissing a handsome, sweet friend with a terrible case of halitosis earlier in the week. Or rather he attacked me with his lips, several times whilst I tried hard not to vomit or breathe through my nose. It was my first kiss in six years. And it was the worst kiss of my life.
I was at a big party over this weekend. After my traumatic experience with what felt like being licked by the toilet on Tuesday, I decided I wasn't looking for anyone which was good because the 40 or so men under the age of 60 avoided me like the plague. However, I ended up slow dancing with several men in the 70 plus bracket who felt sorry for me. I really had no choice, they (like my kissing companion) had me in a vice-like grip. I eventually managed to hide in the toilets. And the good news is I have a date - one of them is taking me to see Alfie Boe! It's just a shame about the 50 year age gap.
Today, I received my first ever Valentine's card in my life. The man approached my mother, saying "she'll know what it's about" - handing me the card. Unfortunately, it's from a 50 year old, bald, extremely odd man who is a compulsive liar, wears tap shoes everywhere and who is always offering me lifts. Despite the fact he doesn't drive. I frequently drive past him whilst he waits for the bus as the rain bounces off his extremely reflective head. I think he polishes it. (I'm not being cruel, he does intentionally go for the skin head look - its a choice of his). From the tone of the card, he clearly thinks he is in a relationship with me. I don't know how I gave him this impression as I usually only say "Hi" in passing then quickly run away from him. But anyway, it's more than I got last Valentine's. Or the 27 before that.
Needless to say, my love life is looking up. Just not in the way I had imagined. Or hoped.
Be careful what you wish for folks.
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Comments
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w I,m sorry for laughing at your misfortune! However I have a feeling that of you are half as entertaining and amusing in IRL then you are going to be just fine!Norn Iron Club member 4730
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Beware of making yourself out to be the star of a freak show. In case that is what you become.
Not meant unkindly. You need to put yourself where you can be found by more suitable men.You might as well ask the Wizard of Oz to give you a big number as pay a Credit Referencing Agency for a so-called 'credit-score'0 -
Beware of making yourself out to be the star of a freak show. In case that is what you become.
Not meant unkindly. You need to put yourself where you can be found by more suitable men.
Think it's too late for that! I've got a busy, active life where I encounter lots of people. More suitable men just aren't interested in me
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miss_independent wrote: »Think it's too late for that! I've got a busy, active life where I encounter lots of people. More suitable men just aren't interested in me.
So put yourself where the men are interested, choose some other venues, pubs, clubs, find some other hobbies and go there.
Funny as it is the comedic love life to read, change it about a bit, so what you are doing right now is not attracting them in, change it about a bit, maybe your clothes, or hair, your attitude towards the meeting of men, go join an assertive class, stop going online and seeking cyber men, buy a lovely puppy and start getting out there, taking the man magnet out and about:D
Shake it up a bit, it doesn't have to be comedic:D0 -
Oh Miss Independent you do make me laugh! Why do you think you're so, in your words, 'man-repellant'? Are you quite aloof? Are you so gorgeous that men just assume you're out of their league or couldn't possibly be single? I'm glad I'm married because I honestly think I'd have been single these last 18 years. I never get asked out. Well that's a lie. I once got asked out a few years ago and when I told him I was married, his response was "happily?". Even if I was miserable I still wouldn't have gone out with him. He was bald and ginger (how is that even possible?), wore bottle-bottom glasses and had bad breath. How dare he think I would go out with him let alone cheat on my husband with him? I'm no oil painting but I think I could do better than that! If you're reading this Albert (yes that was his name) I'm truly sorry and I hope you met and settled down with someone less shallow than me.......0
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Like the bald man in sex and the city that the character name escapes me rejected because she considered herself much prettier than having to go out with a short bald guy even though he made her very happy, she was embarrased to be seen out with him, they split up and then got back together.
Yes I know it is only a show:rotfl:0 -
At the age of 28, what on earth were you doing at a party where there were 70 year olds?0
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Like the bald man in sex and the city that the character name escapes me rejected because she considered herself much prettier than having to go out with a short bald guy even though he made her very happy, she was embarrased to be seen out with him, they split up and then got back together.
Yes I know it is only a show:rotfl:
That was Harry (or "Hairy"), who was Charlotte's divorce lawyer. Loved SATC!0 -
I agree with some of the other posters, don't let these comedy disasters become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Why do you think that the right type of men aren't interested in you? You sound like a funny and warm person to me, and I would think that most men would find those qualities attractive.0 -
At the age of 28, what on earth were you doing at a party where there were 70 year olds?
There were over 200 people there from age 10 to 80's - the majority of people were within 10 years of my own age. It was a party for a social club I'm part of, with members past and present there.0
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