Stepson won't wash thread....update.....

trevorsminted

Such a shame when you admit to giving up and you will just put up with it, its the old ground down continuously until you give up a bit like a battered wife finally they say nothing as they are fed up and disappointed after believing he/she/it will change and its the same old, oh well yep give up say nothing and let them treat you the way they do, you say you are not a doormat of course your not your a woman with no say in her own smelly home but with enough cash to choke a horse oh well every cloud has a silver lining!

Personally i would tell my smelly bf and skanky son to do one with the wedge of cash to a rented flat to slob out, find some dignity love you are worth more than being taken the pi:: out of!

tesuhoha

Just find a loud mouthed teenage girl to come into the flat to babysit/clean/pretend to be a friend from work for the day. There are plenty enough of them. (loud mouthed teenage girls)

Pay her to say very loudly and cattily that he stinks and his breath smells. You'll be doing her a favour to earn some money.

yellowcrocus

I lurk a lot on these boards and its not often that something motivates me to a long post but there seems to be something terribly wrong going on here.

After reading through this thread and some of the previous ones I feel incredibly sorry for this poor young man who is made to feel so unwelcome in his home. I can feel the distaste you have for him emanating from every post, I can guarantee he is aware of it.

Children of this age may seem like vile, antisocial versions of grown ups but in fact they are incredibly psychologically vulnerable and have very fragile feelings of self worth. He is still legally, technically and emotionally still a child and still needs to be protected as such.

He is 17 years old, from a broken home with (you suggest) inadequate parenting, he has no friends, no social life, no job prospects, no hobbies and nothing to do all day but to mope around, in the flat of a woman who seems to have no interest in forming a relationship with him and who seems hell bent on making him feel even worse about himself than he already does. I can only imagine how very miserable he must be.

Cut him some slack OP. Reach out to him and find positive way to interact with him. You might find that if he thought for two minutes that anyone gave a monkey's that he might feel like washing once in a while. The way things are going for him at the moment I'm not surprised he can't bear to look in the mirror.

Macca83_2

Joons wrote: »

Don't panic for those of you I have bored with my whinging on this subject but I just wanted to say, things came to a head and I was told by my b/f and stepson that his way of living is nothing to do with me, all I achieved was upsetting myself over something that didn't upset the people involved. So, I have finally realised that no amount of trying to persuade my b/f to do things differently will make any difference. BangersandMash: you were so right, no more tying myself in knots over something I cannot change. From today it's a non talkable area between me and my b/f, I've decided now to keep well out and accept the fact that this is how they both want to be. Sorry if I was not prepared to listen to what you had to say, I now can see you were absolutely right.

Ooft...

Sorry, Im playing catch up here. I read your previous post but didn't realise there had been an update. Im struggling to know where to start but Im gonna hazard a guess and suggest that you do care deeply for this boy. You've spent 11 years with his father. You've seen the son grow into a young man in this time. It must be incredibly frustrating to see him sitting about the house, doing nothing with his life, refusing to wash... I cannot believe for one minute that you're not worried about him. You must be.

Im worried that this turn in events will be detrimental to your own health. You've been pretty much told to put up and shut up. How do you honestly feel about this?

Mojisola

Joons wrote: »

It's my flat and I thought we had agreed house rules but my rules seem to be getting ignored!

We've both explained to him about pesonal hygiene etc over and over again, he does it for so long then stops.

I never let my daughter slob about, she was told to get out and work and she did so why should I put up with this or, as he's not mine, should I be ignoring it all?

Joons wrote: »

I actually think he likes being this way, he seems fairly happy and content, doesn't seem to have much ambition or drive.

I just want respected enough in my own home, I don't think I should have to keep asking for basic rules to be followed, ie, please keep clean!

Joons wrote: »

I have asked him nicely and explained to him about personal hygiene, not once have I made him feel bad or spoke in a derogatory way, I could pretty much swear that he likes me quite a lot, always seems to want to talk to me etc, so not the actions of a kid that feels picked on I'm sure, I'm not the kind of person to pick on anyone. You say he needs support, sympathy and positivity - that's exactly what I have tried to do - all to no avail.

yellowcrocus - quote - Cut him some slack OP. Reach out to him and find positive way to interact with him. You might find that if he thought for two minutes that anyone gave a monkey's that he might feel like washing once in a while.

It sounds as if Joons has already tried all that.

I wonder what Joons' daughter thinks when this young man is allowed to get away with behaviour that wouldn't have been accepted from her?

Amanda65

Hi OP

I remember the last thread and have skimmed this one and think to be honest you OH needs to speak to his son and try and get to the bottom of the problem.

I have a 17 year old son who is in the shower every morning (twice some days if he's done sport), would be out with his mates all the time if I'd let him and holds down a part time job as well as studying as he is desperate to learn to drive but needs money for insurance. All his friends are the same.

You have a 17 year old boy who sits in all the time in his dressing gown, appears to socially interact with no-one other than you and your OH and chooses to have poor personal hygiene. To me that signals depression and that is the problem you should be addressing.I would be more concerned about why he chooses to live this way.

Joons

Mojisola wrote: »

yellowcrocus - quote - Cut him some slack OP. Reach out to him and find positive way to interact with him. You might find that if he thought for two minutes that anyone gave a monkey's that he might feel like washing once in a while.

It sounds as if Joons has already tried all that.

I wonder what Joons' daughter thinks when this young man is allowed to get away with behaviour that wouldn't have been accepted from her?

My daughter, whose advice is always on the nose tells me and has been telling me for quite some time to leave them both to it.

Mojisola

Joons wrote: »

My daughter, whose advice is always on the nose tells me and has been telling me for quite some time to leave them both to it.

It's good that she isn't upset at you treating them differently.

Dunroamin

Sorry if I've missed this but, at 17, why isn't he still in education?

19lottie82

Dunroamin wrote: »

Sorry if I've missed this but, at 17, why isn't he still in education?

Becasue you can leave school @ 16?