Stepson won't wash thread....update.....

tyllwyd

I feel really sorry for you, and I hope it works out but you'd have all my sympathy if it didn't. You are in such a difficult situation - you are sort of in the position of a parent to him but sort of not. Good luck for the future - fingers crossed he gets himself a job and the situation moves forward.

heartbreak_star

Get the stepson into his own bedsit/sharehouse.

Don't do anything for him - laundry, meals, anything, while he's still at yours.

HBS x

londonsurrey

There's always the basics - your bf gets carnal knowledge of you on every day that the boy appears all scrubbed and fragrant and with clean wet hair.

Mojisola

Joons wrote: »

Yes, including the fact he lives in my home, we had a long, long talk with lots of shouting and arguing, stepson was there too, both have told me the problem appears to be me, no amount of nagging is going to change this situation. I either end my 11 year relationship and make myself even more unhappy or accept this is it, I've decided my relationship is not worth throwing away. I don't really see what option I have.

And so they've got you cornered. You are always going to give in because you don't want to end the relationship.

Doesn't your OH value the relationship and you?

Watch that this isn't just the first occasion where you're obviously in the wrong and you have to step in line with their way of doing things.

moneysaymoneydo

Sounds like the pair of them are having a laugh at your expense. Yes it may not be your business for the smelly kid to not wash himself but he is sleeping in your house, bed, sheets etc sitting on your settee etc and now you air your opinion in your own house to be told its your fault?. Now you tell us you are just going to put up with it say no more because you dont want to lose 11 years of a relationship?, it is really sad when you think about it no idea where your self esteem is at but you have been put in your place so you either put up with them running the show in your house or you decide you do have a say in what goes on, no offense but the bf doesnt sound much of a catch if he likes seeing his kid being skanky dirty, sounds to me like you need to sit down and think if you are in a rut, also there is such a thing as self respect and mutual understanding in a relationship i would say yours is way off balance :eek:

londonsurrey

You have every right to make your own choices.

I'm just concerned that for your own self esteem and mental wellbeing, you can accept that you do have a choice, it's just that you've chosen this choice for the time being. It's subtle, but it's the difference between "They're doing this to me, and I can't escape" and "I'm my own woman, and I happen to choose this for the time being and can change it if I wanted to. I'm not trapped forever. I have the key to use whenever I want".

claire16c

I wouldn't worry too much. One day the son will get awful tooth ache from not brushing his teeth & then face a massive dental bill. It's only a matter of time.

Errata

Good to hear your BF gives you a lot of money. In your shoes I'd be spending it on air fresheners - lots of them.

pigpen

bangersnmash wrote: »

Another thought that's relevant to consider in this context, dogs and cats mostly don't stink much or at all. You normally have to get your nose fairly close to dogs to get their aroma, which is normally reasonably pleasant light essence of doggy smell, in a healthy mutt.

To smell a cat you've generally got to put your nose right in it to get a sense of it and again, in a normal healthy animal it's a fairly pleasant little smell, not pungent or revolting or dirty. Animals naturally keep themselves clean and mostly fairly smell free by their body metabolisms.

Horses have a bit of a whiff but as with dogs and cats, it's not overpowering or disgusting, it's nice. Well, I like it, maybe some people wouldn't, sure.

Healthy humans are the same, no noticeable stink and when you get in close what little there is, on someone who is not covered in strong chemicals, is quite nice and inoffensive.

But dogs and cats don't sweat. And my cat stinks!!!! Horses stink too.. of poo and stale dirt and I've never been close enough to find out but I have smelled the stench on my cousins after riding and been down wind of them.. I have a terror of them so flee at the slightest whiff.

I'm not saying you are wrong because I don't think 99% of the stinky stuff is required, I do agree with you entirely.. just that it was a really poor choice of comparison.

paddy's_mum

The biggest danger, as I see it, is this:-

What else is Skanky Pants going to inflict upon you, in your own home, and have his father back him up 100% in insisting that your view has no value whatsoever? Drugs, prostitutes, crime, violence ...?

I simply do not understand how you can state that you're nobody's doormat. These two are inflicting their filth upon you and not only are you allowing it, you are "£$%^* well funding it!

I've had some dealings with a self-obsessed, physically dirty stepson whose main hobby is pornography and I can tell you from experience that this won't get better without very firm action from you ... indeed, you've just shown them that they can walk all over you and get away with it :eek:

Tell me again about this strong, loving, fair-minded, devoted partner who admires and respects you so much that he is quite prepared to make you live in a midden rather than man up and shove the boy bodily into a much-needed bath!

It's time you realised that it's not you that is risking an 11 year relationship .. it's this little turd and his spineless, enabling father who are doing that. If you rehomed a cat that would not be clean, how long and how foetid would your home have to become before your partner said the cat has got to go? That's how normal people react to filth!!!

I wish you luck but I do think you're going to have to develop some backbone and fight. Do you think the two of them are going to find another tolerant, turn-a-blind-eye 'hotel' so easily?

I'm sorry but these two are each in their own way exhibiting very bizarre and unreasonable behaviour and that is not going to change until you insist that it must.