Ex Girlfriend Changed the locks

DaftyDuck

Or how about leaving her be, in her own home, with her child, without pestering her all the time.

Maybe send the message "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, send me a text, and I'll try my best".

Person_one

When an OP drip feeds the story, the additional information nearly always paints them in a worse light.

We're all strangers on here, you may as well just be upfront at the beginning so you can get advice that is actually relevant rather than what feels nice to hear.

DaftyDuck

The OP could have written.

"My son is in Prison for drug offences. He's trying to evict his girlfriend and daughter from their home before he gets out, but she's only gone and changed the locks so I can't get in there. How do I get her out?"

I'm sure that's equally as inaccurate as the question originally posed, but it is in effect what is happening.

There are so many contradictions in the information given - in the first post, "he is away from his single owned property". Yet, later, he "owns numerous property's", so the child won't be made homeless.

And... the thing that riles me about this is not mentioning the Child at first. And... what really riles me is referring to "the Child" as an object. She (and close reading reveals it has a sex at lest) She is your grand-daughter, and should be the centre of attention in this matter. Housing her should be your first priority, not getting your son his property back.

So, he was willing to let his child (and her mother) stay at his property while he was, (as you euphemistically put it), "away", , "to avoid house being empty..." How very grand and noble of him. After all, your child and mother make great free house-sitters.

Shame on her for thinking the father of her child should "continue to think that my Son has to keep a roof over her head...". After all, she and your son's child can always "return to her parents they have 2 spare rooms"... perfect environment for a child of a man who "owns numerous property's"... so maybe, as you suggest he should evict her and "that way she will have to be rehoused by the localauthority", and he won't have to (I deleted this bit ) to provide them with a home.

Mind you, she did change the locks, and as you say, "There are rules there called Law and she has broken that".. not that son would ever break the law.... no siree!

Just out of interest, if your son "runs his business from Home", was that the same business that ended up with him in Chokey?

Mojisola

DaftyDuck wrote: »

The O.P. says they'd not leave the Child homeless as father owns numerous properties, but then goes on to say the girl's parents have two spare rooms... and that if he evicts her, she'll have to be housed by the Local Authority.

Hang on, if he's got numerpus properties, what the Hell is he even thinking of poking his daughter into a couple of spare rooms at a parent's house, or shoving her off to the LA. He should house her. Oh, and offer his child and her mother somewhere nice to live; as nice as he's got. He's a bluddy father now.

I thought the person with numerous properties is the young woman's father, not the OP's son.

Dinnie2006

Whoaaa...Blimey...i have never stated he is the owner of numerous propertys..i stated her Father is....so let me get this straight ...as a ex who refuses to let the Son see any of his family who until she decided to end a relationship had a happy loving relationship with us is justified in now changing the locks on a property she has no rights to be in ..She Ended the Relationship and advised my Son she would be getting a Flat ( when he told he to do that she changed her mind then proceeded to change the locks)
Yes he works from home and no its nothing to do with Drugs
He knows he did wrong and has never once denied this..he did the crime as they say and he is doing the time
But what is now a major concern is that he is due "Home" soon and she is aware that if she calls the Police he could end up being back inside...Now how that is in the Intrest of the Child is Beyond me...As clearly stated he still pays the Mortgage.. but that cannot continue is he cant work...then the Mother and Son would have a: no where to live ( house would eventually be repossessed..B end up claiming benefits...

RAS

I suggest that your son need to get hold of the probation staff who work in the prison and ask them to help him?

That way, he can try and prevent problems when he comes out? They may be able to ensure he has access to legal advice?

DaftyDuck

OK, even if the ex's father is the one who owns property, it's not up to him to house his grandchild (or the State), it's up to the pair of them as parents. (You did say "The Child will never be made homeless...Her Father owns numerous property's"). They find a home for their child, then worry about who lives there as well - one or both of them. Child first. If that's the only property that they have, child in, plus whichever parent gets custody, and I'd guess a recent drug's sentence wouldn't help your son; he moves back in with you.

As far as I am aware, a mother doesn't have to give visitation rights to a grandparent, or any other relative. It might be better if she did, but not essential. She did initially take her son to the prison to visit your son, and that was decent of her. Why did she stop?


You say your son never had any intention of making her homeless - what arrangements has your son therefore made to home them, if they are not to stay at his flat?

You said " There was never any need for the locks to be Changed we have a Spare key and she was very much aware of that." Is that not the probable reason she did change the locks? I note you take a strong exception to her breaking the law by doing this... Maybe she took exception to what your son did?

I'm sorry that I seem to be at loggerheads with you - I'm only reacting to what has been presented here, and no doubt there's far more history - on both sides - than can possibly be detailed here. However, at the moment, I'd have to admit I am far more on the "side" of the ex + child than on that of your son.

Claree__x

I think some of you are being rather unfair to the OP.

The ex was visiting her son in jail up until this point, so she clearly doesn't have any immediate moral issues to what he's done.

OP's son presumably thought he'd get out and they'd all live together or she'd go back to where she was living before - presuming they were still a couple.

The ex stated to OP's son that she was going to get a flat and has now changed the locks on HIS flat and is refusing to take calls from OPs family, even though she was on good terms before she did so.

I can't see how anyone thinks the OP is in the wrong here - other than the obvious initial prison offence thing...

amyloofoo

OP, I'd suggest that we don't really know the reasoning behind the ex-GF's actions as neither yourself or your son have been able to sit down and have an adult conversation (not that I'm suggesting this is your fault). Rather than something to be feared, perhaps the day release could be a good opportunity for the two of them to sit down in a safe place (with other, neutral people around so there can't be any false accusations and both parties feel secure) and discuss plans going forward, primarily relating to the child, but also living arrangements. This organisation may be able to help him and provide some more relevant advice including any legal support that may be needed http://www.prisonersadvice.org.uk/

From the sounds of it, (and I don't know all the circumstances so may well be wrong) it seems as though your son's ex-GF was initially shocked by what had happened and over time has become more angry with your son and his behaviour. The break up may or may not be permanent, and could simply be a way of her asserting herself and trying to take some control of a situation in which she's been made to feel powerless. In the same circumstances my DH would expect to be sleeping on his Mum's sofa for a good long while - is this not an option for your son? She is likely to need some time and space to calm down and assess whether they can get past this horrible experience as a couple.

I can understand how it would be scary to be in prison, or have your child in prison, and not know what's going on with your grand/child or property - but please try to see this from her point of view. She's been raising a child in a supportive relationship and suddenly finds herself in the role of a single parent through no fault of her own and struggling to find suitable accommodation. She has to decide if her ex-partner is a suitable influence on their child given his behaviour and probably feels estranged from the wider support network of his family. She needs help and support as well as your son, there's some good advice from this site http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/content/567/Just-split-up which may help both of them.

Going forward, if they are going to split up and be living seperately then your grand-daughter is going to have a lot to get used to and may well need some support. Action for Children are able to advocate for, and offer tailored help, to both parents and children. Some of their relevant services can be found on the following page http://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/our-services/family-support/targeted-intervention/mediation. You, your son, his ex-GF and (most importantly) your Grand-daughter can get through this difficult time, but there's going to be a lot of building bridges, repairing trust and compromising - whether or not they end up back together.

Edit: If you want to have a relationship with your Grand-daughter then you need to stay out of the property issue, however you feel. Where their child is housed is the choice of the parents, and you'll only antagonise the situation by getting involved. Focus on asking for contact, including with the other children in the family, and keeping conversations light and neutral. If your son has an issue with his ex then he needs to deal with it, not his Mum. Once his ex can see that you're trying to be fair she'll be much more likely to trust you around the child, and will also take your opinions more on board.

Dinnie2006

Ok everyone has their own view..i,m not taking any of this personal...
Yes my Son did wrong but the ex was well aware of this before the Son was Born,,he is now 3..
Its not a Flat my Son owns its a House..and yes he did think they would all live happily ever after there was no indication to suggest otherwise...

People are entitled to the opinion...This was a bolt out the blue for him and us...she ended the relationship partly on a visit to my son and partly via a call and gave no indication that there was anything wrong.. When she next visied us.As i said this is a First offence and where as i,m not condoning what Mt Son did she should be acting with a bit more Dignity and Respect ...he is after all still maintaining a roof over her head...which legally he does not have to do...
He misses his Son as do we all and there is nothing we can do to help maintain contact..we have as previously suggested, left her alone ..we have in no way pestered her..we have never turned up uninvited...we tried to contact re collecting mail...no response..