Ex Girlfriend Changed the locks

pimento

DaftyDuck wrote: »

There are so many contradictions in the information given - in the first post, "he is away from his single owned property". Yet, later, he "owns numerous property's", so the child won't be made homeless.

I read it as the girlfriends father that owns all the spare properties, not the banged up boyfriend.

pimento

DaftyDuck wrote: »

I'd have to admit I am far more on the "side" of the ex + child than on that of your son.

That's very clear.

DaftyDuck

pimento wrote: »

That's very clear.

But is an opinion formed as a result of the evidence given. Partly of the evidence that was not originally presented, that gradually built up a very different scenario to that originally portrayed.

The only thing the girl has done that is questionable is change the locks. If she is to be evicted from the property by her ex-partner, I'd be far from surprised if that wasn't the advice given out by Shelter. She is probably very worried about what happens to her and her child next, and is possibly not reacting the best for that reason. If she is to be rehoused by the Council, she'll have to be made homeless, and not become voluntarily homeless. It's an important distinction as far as the Council is concerned.

As to the property question... The OP did say "The Child will never be made homeless...Her Father owns numerous property's"... i.e. the father of the child. That is what I based my statement on, and it made sense at that point.

The OP has since corrected this to say it's the ex's father (not the child's father, but her grandfather) who owns property, but it is not a grandparent's responsibility to home the grandchild. They may well do so, but it is the duty of the parents to do their level best to do so. The OP has failed to indicate what alternative arrangement her son has made to house his child, other than suggest responsibility is passed back to her parents, or the Local Authority. She's also failed to explain why her son doesn't move in with her, leaving the child a home to live in.

We still don't know why it is essential for son to have the house in order to work...

Dinnie2006

Ok Final bit of info so that i,m not seen to be avoiding the Issue...Son needs to work from home as restores old cars and his workshop is at his home...He will be released on Tag which means he has to be at a property between certain times...Now to be released on Tag he should be going to the given address namely his home....As all contact from the ex is being isnored then how can we state to a probation officer that there is no issue with him going home...Please Read the posts...she has kept the Son from his Father which until she ended relationship she took him to visit his Father...She stated she was moving...She changed the locks...She keeps the Child away from all My Sons Family,,and she never has or is providing a roof or utilitys for the Son...She has a Income..She is being totally selfish and doing nothing in the Interests of Her Son...I understand relationships break down between adults but as a responsible parent she should be putting the Sons Needs first..by refusing him every childs right to know there parent she is damaging the Son...Now i could go on about this being a form of Child Abuse...but have a feeling i will be shouted down....I never stated it was the grandparents responsibility to house either the ex or the Son what i did indeeed state was she advised she would be moving out..is she wanted out the relationship then she should move out...i mearly advised her Father has Numerous properties she could move to if she wanted out...Her changing the locks only after she ended the relationship suggests there are some very nasty tricks being played...

pinkshoes

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

.he was more than happy for them to stay at the property while he was away to avoid house being empty..they have never lived together legally.

So what you are saying is that BEFORE he want to prison, his girlfriend and their child lived elsewhere, and he lived in HIS house that HE owns? (and presumable she and child stayed every now and then???).

Where did the (ex) girlfriend live BEFORE he went to jail?

Did he put it in writing that she could move into the house?

This sounds like the ex has possibly planned it so that she can get "evicted" and get a council house - would that be likely?

If he didn't put it in writing that she could live there permanently, then I think he (or you) should WRITE to her at the address, stating that as per the agreement, once he is back home on <date>, then her house sitting duties are no longer required. I would also put in the letter that you noticed that the locks have been changed, and ask for a copy of the key. I would perhaps also mention YOU (his mum) as a house sitter, so effectively you could also go to the property.

Ultimately, it's HIS house, and she's effectively squatting.

DaftyDuck

OK, so restoring cars at that property. He does not need to reside there - he can reside with you, and repair cars there. I don't think that's ideal, but it is possible.

The issue with his going to that address needs to be dealt with in tandem with arrangements for his child - who has custody/visitation rights. If she is ignoring communication, she is not being helpful, either to him, or to herself. Place of work & residence do not have to be the same.

I am reading the posts as best as I can. They are not always easy to follow, there are contradictions, and some of the information comes at a trickle.

Strictly speaking, she is not keeping the son from his father, that's him being banged up in prison for drugs offences that's done that. She was visiting him... then stopped. There could be all sorts of reasons for that. The relationship - such as it was - seems to have ended. She did indeed state she was moving; it may be taking her time to sort out, and she may wish to maintain her security and privacy in the interim.

Keeping her child away from members of your family is a decision for her; she may have her own reasons, and they might be valid (and equally, they may be idiotic).

You say she has never provided a roof for her son; however, as far as I can tell, neither has your son, until he was removed from the premises to go to prison, and required a house-sitter to look after the empty property. On the other hand, you did look after them (alll three, at a guess, which is a darn good thing to have done!). She is (possibly) doing her best to provide said roof at the moment, by changing the locks. It might be her only way of ensuring she is made homeless, and not makes herself voluntarily homeless (and that's an important distinction as far as the LA is concerned). I do not see evidence she is doing nothing for her son (although that may well be true), but getting locked up in Prison on drugs charges for ~ 2 years is not exactly doing much for a 3-year-old lad either.

She may have done her best to help the father see the son... taking a 3-year-old to prison is hardly the ideal. If the young lad found it traumatic, I'm not sure if taking or not taking was the best outcome. One party is mainly to blame for the situation, and it is your son.

Wise not to suggest it is child abuse....

Changing the locks appears to me to be more likely a frightened girl with a young child not knowing what is going to happen next, and reacting to try and protect what she (rightfully or not) currently has.

No, she probably shouldn't stay there long-term. She should, however, be helped by her son, by you possibly, by her parents possibly, to find suitable accommodation. Until such suitable accommodation is available for her child, and by default for her, she should stay put, and not be put under undue pressure to quit.

However, in my opinion, the child comes first. I think it's a shame you didn't point out there was offspring in the first place. The fact your son is in prison is relevant, but less so.

If she wants out of the relationship, rather than expecting her to move out, I'd expect the pair of them to work out what is best for their young child, and that to be their aim. I don't believe her moving into spare rooms of her parents house would be suitable. I don't see why her parents should provide her with any other property, not when it would be equally possible for your son to move back with you, and her stay in the house with the child. If (and it is a biggie) son wishes to apply for custody and got it, my argument would turn on its head; I'd be rooting for her to leave and him and kiddie to move in. She gets to move back to her parents, or find a bed somewhere else.

But their child comes first, second and third.

I am sorry, but I still read so much in your posts that I disagree with. It does have to be reiterated that I'm only able to base this on what has been posted, and I am sure there is plenty of detail - on both sides - that will add to your understanding of the situation. However, so much of what you say I view from another viewpoint.

You end saying changing the locks looks like nasty tricks. It is possible, but it's just as possible from what I have read that there's a scared mum who has spilt from boyfriend, who is in prison (and that really doesn't help) who is worried about where her and her child are going to live, and all she has done is change the locks.

Having a grandma who might even consider throwing accusations of child abuse (because she doesn't continue to take said child to a prison where OH is locked up is NOT child abuse; it might be the most sensible thing she can do) being the other keyholder isn't likely to make her keen to leave the locks unchanged.

Mojisola

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

Ok the House was never fit for them to live in.

The Mother and Son lived with us...he was working on getting in fit to live in before he went away...they were in more comfortable surroundings while living with us and as stated we looked after the Son 3 days a week...

the suggestion was to rent the property out to generate a income while away but the ex wanted to move in...

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

He has never asked them to leave the property...She said she was leaving then changed her mind and the locks

The house had no kitchen or Bathroom...

I can't imagine how it's doing the child any good to be living in a house with no kitchen or bathroom.

Surely it's the responsibility of both parents to "put a roof over their child's head"? Moving from a comfortable house or not going home to her parents but choosing to move into a half-finished house sounds like a bizarre choice.

Dinnie - your son really needs to get his position known to the authorities before he is released. He will need to go to the house every day to work - is she going to call the police and claim he is harassing her?

exarmydreamer

DaftyDuck wrote: »

That seems straightforward to me. If she's changed the locks, it certainly can't be to keep your son out; there are rather sturdier locks and doors doing that at the moment.

Nasty, no need for this comment!!!. Really nasty :

Believe me, I have every wish to believe that your son has learnt from his mistake, that he's a changed character, and that there's every likelihood that he'll do all he can for his child. I am, nonetheless, finding it difficult to see things the way you do.

Read the thread properly, you have made countless mistakes and assumptions. Don't comment unless you have all the facts. You seem to be on a one man/woman campaign against the OP.

I agree with previous poster, you will need to have in place all necessary paperwork relating to ownership of house and instruct eviction. So that Ex can be moved into council housing and not made homeless. The probation service need to be informed before his release and he should not see/contact her without a witness and legal advice on entering the grounds of his property.

Gigglepig

As in my previous post, i don't understand why op thinks this girl is a monster. As hard as the situation may be for the op, it is probably not easy for the ex girlfriend either. The way i read the posts, I don't think OP's attitude is helping build any bridges.

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

.she has kept the Son from his Father which until she ended relationship she took him to visit his Father...She stated she was moving...She changed the locks...She keeps the Child away from all My Sons Family,,and she never has or is providing a roof or utilitys for the Son...She has a Income..She is being totally selfish and doing nothing in the Interests of Her Son...I understand relationships break down between adults but as a responsible parent she should be putting the Sons Needs first..by refusing him every childs right to know there parent she is damaging the Son...Now i could go on about this being a form of Child Abuse...

Surely the number one reason the father does not have contact is that he is in prison?? It is his own actions that keeps him from his son. Once he is released he can take the initiative to go and spend time with his son.

What does op want, to force the ex and son to visit him in prison? I don't think that is reasonable, though I understand this must be very sad for your this man and his family.

ceebeeby

Wow dafty duck remind me never to ask you for advice. Some of your comments are so far from being acceptable.

OP I have no idea of the legal position, but I would suggest as per previous poster that your son speaks to someone in the prison to ask for some proper advice. Also, I wonder if he has any rights regarding his son visiting? Unfortunately, I don't think you have any rights regarding house or grandson and on this basis would probably recommend trying to maintain a neutral stance and not get drawn into the situation as much as possible, even if the only outcome is to maintain amicable relationship with your ex d.i.l. Which can only be positive for all concerned.

Hope it all works out okay