Ex Girlfriend Changed the locks

DaftyDuck

exarmydreamer... I have read all this thread. I have not, to my knowledge, made any mistakes based on the evidence given at the time.

The OP asked for advice, but failed to mention there was a child involved, or that her son was in prison, and many other points. Equally, as I have reiterated, the OP may well be aware of many other facts that we don't know that would demonstrate the girl involved is indeed playing nasty tricks.

But, I really don't see any evidence of that, and neither do a number of other posters that have posted in this thread.

What I see is a child that appears to have two difficult parents, and a grandparent that has obviously helped all three in the past, and could possibly play a really important role in negotiating some passable outcome. However, at the moment, in my opinion, she's not going to do that while she's taking such a negative attitude to the girl, and appears to show no interest in her grandchild. The OP is also using very strong invective to describe the situation, and is certainly not trying to be neutral. Reference has always been to "the Child", never to "my grandson". I find that distasteful, if I am honest.

My comment about the walls was, I think, appropriate. The OP blames the girl for preventing her son seeing her child. It's something more obvious that's the main cause of their separation and, as far as we are aware, the girl played no part in that.
The girl is possibly very scared, stuck in a difficult situation, with a young child to care for, and she's possibly not the manipulative person being portrayed.

I have made plain to the OP that I am being blunt, playing Devils Advocate if you like. She is, obviously, looking out for her son. I haven't seen her looking out for her grandson.

I repeat, if son were to apply for, and gain, custody, my opinion on the house would be reversed, and I'd feel the girl should move back to her parents and son and child occupy the house.

The child, and the interests of the child, should come first. Every time.

Lotus-eater

It seems obvious that the girl in question didn't want to be left in his mothers house while he was in jail, that's why she moved to this house.
And now she had decided to finish the relationship, from what we know who can blame her.

He said she could stay in the house and she is (with their son), so no problems there.
Wanting a break from his family and stopping them trying to convince her to go back to him, seems a reasonable step, that could be why she wants nothing from them.

The problem with this sort of thing on the net, is we know nothing of the temprement and nature of all of these people, any of them could be in the wrong, we simply don't know.

What we do know, is that she has broken the law by changing the locks and so far that's it.

What I think, is that 2 years for cultivating cannabis, isn't handed out to someone who grows a couple of plants for his own use, there must have been quite a bit, so who can blame her for changing her mind and deciding her son is better off away from this bloke.

OP your son has a right to enter his house and would be well to take someone with legal knowledge with him, as said before, get him to talk to the probation service and take it from there. He doesn't want to do something silly and be straight back inside.

Mojisola

DaftyDuck wrote: »

Reference has always been to "the Child", never to "my grandson". I find that distasteful, if I am honest.

I thought the OP was using the word "child" to try to keep the child's sex hidden. It's really not relevant to the thread for anyone else to know whether the child is a boy or a girl.

Posters often do this - you'll see reference to "this person" and "they" rather than "he" or "she" and so on.

DaftyDuck

Mojisola wrote: »

I thought the OP was using the word "child" to try to keep the child's sex hidden. It's really not relevant to the thread for anyone else to know whether the child is a boy or a girl.

Posters often do this - you'll see reference to "this person" and "they" rather than "he" or "she" and so on.

"My grandchild" would have sat better with me, a mention of the grandchild's presence from the outset, and showing primary concern for her grandchild rather than removal of the grandchild's mum.

Prison, breakdown of partnership, worry about where to live, anger at not seeing family members all these things affect the participents' reactions to each other. However, the one person without a voice, the one innocent, the one that possibly nobody is putting first is the child. His needs should be being put first by both parents, and by the OP.

Mojisola

DaftyDuck wrote: »

"My grandchild" would have sat better with me, a mention of the grandchild's presence from the outset, and showing primary concern for her grandchild rather than removal of the grandchild's mum.

Prison, breakdown of partnership, worry about where to live, anger at not seeing family members all these things affect the participents' reactions to each other. However, the one person without a voice, the one innocent, the one that possibly nobody is putting first is the child. His needs should be being put first by both parents, and by the OP.

I thought her primary concern was that her son would have a home to come back to and be able to run his business - which he'll need to do if he's going to support his child.

DaftyDuck

The business was only a later mention, it was changing the locks that seemed the main and original point of contention.

We just don't know what is in her son's mind, the girl's, or the child's. But, if I were the child, or the child's mother, I would be frightened. The son has a mum who is clearly willing and able to stand up for him, although I'd willingly believe he's worried too. Hopefully, with time and flexibility on all parts, some amicable outcome will be found. The OP could certainly be instrumental in that.

esmy

Some suggestions, OP, that might assist your son:

1. He doesn't have to go to his own house when he's on home leave - he could come to yours?? This will avoid any potential for conflict that might threaten son's home leave and early release. He is , of course, responsible for his own behaviour when on leave and I would imagine it's in his interests to avoid any trouble. He needs to speak with probation or whoever is dealing with his home leave about the issues and an address change.

2,. He can speak to a solicitor if he wishes about the property issue and the contact (or lack of it) with his child.

3. How has he run his business for the last 6 months when he hasn't had leave and no access to his property? He will be 'out' for a very limited time to start with so I think it's unlikely he will be able to conduct his business until he can have longer periods of leave. Has your son written to ex to ask if he can have the items he needs? Is there someone impartial who can negotiate with the ex to get things out of the property that your son wants? If she isn't responding to you,would her family help?

4. Amyloofoo in her post mentions some support organisations for prisoners. Your son will have access to these. There are also organisations that support prisoners' families:
https://www.gov.uk/support-for-families-friends-of-prisoners

HTH

pimento

If the intentions of the ex-girlfriend are as daftyduck says, to be evicted so she can be re-housed by the council, why not just tell the OP that? Why the complete radio silence?

I doubt the OP or her son would have any objection to her doing what was necessary to get somewhere to live away from the ex-boyfriend.

Dinnie2006

Quick update..As advised i did send a text Yesterday just saying i needed to collect the post, would be nice to see them both would understand if she felt it might be uncomfortable..so could she possibly just leave all post on table i would collect....Surprise Surprise ...No Response
Spoke with My Son..Who i might add is still holding on to the hope that things will work out between them...He will be instructing solicitor to request a key.
As in relation to why i think shes become this Monster..that is how she is portraying her-self to be...Yes my concern is for my Son..as iadvised in a prev post..she has battered him emotionally and is still continuing to kick him via the Child...by refusing him contact....the Child spoke with My son on a Daily basis via Telephone..now she wont take any calls...The Child spent a lot of his waking hours with us..and some of his sleeping...Now we have also disappeared from his life... What Mother subjects a Child to that...And before you all pipe up about what my Son did to his Son ...It was a crime that was committed before the Child was even conceived...

Padstow

From a purely legal view, you could with his permission, obtain power of attorney for your son.
That would allow you to deal with all his affairs including the property while he's away.