Ex Girlfriend Changed the locks

Tuesday_Tenor

I don't think her changing the locks per se is a problem or illegal.
She could have lost a spare key somewhere where she is concerned it could fall into the wrong hands, so changing the locks is a good idea.

However, she cannot lock him out of his own property. She MUST give him a new key. And she should obey any instruction he gives her about giving a key to someone else, such as yourself.

As this has only just happened, how do you know she isn't going to give him/you a new key? Have you asked her about it yet?

Dinnie2006

Ok as the saying go,s in for a Penny..as you can all see from the time i sit wrtitng this as a very worried parent and grandparent at present i dont sleep well..
Will now try and fill i the gaps that i choose to miss from this sorry tale..
Yes Ceebeeby My Son is in Jail...its a 1st for this Family and not anything that we ever wish to deal with again..it completly devasted us..but as he commited the crime...( conspiracy to cultivate) 1st offence, he accepted the punishment... .Now the major problem we have is that he is due day release in next few weeks..if she were to call the police when he turned up at home he runs the risk of losing all furture day release and early release on tag..Now we can only assume that is her aim
She has completely blown us out the Water with the way she has behaved, She played the dutiful G/F the child was taken to visit my Son every week. came to stay with us and we looked after the Child 3 times weekly and have always done so.Then bang she sends my Son a Dear John letter in which she advised that she was ending the relationship and getting a Flat and refuses to let him see his son. He has tried calling her she cuts the call he has wrote she ignored the letter . We as a Family have all tried contact that has been ignored.
The sentence was bad enough to deal with but we now have the added problems that she can delay his release. Also my Son runs his business from Home so if he lives elsewher he cant earn and without earning will not be able to pay mortgage. He knows he did wrong and i,m not trying to get sympathy re the Sentence.But she has battered him emotionally.
There was never any need for the locks to be Changed we have a Spare key and she was very much aware of that.
My Son had never any intention of making them homeless.

dancingfairy

She seems particularly scheming/clever and manipulative.
You need to find out what the terms of the day release are. Presumably since it is not a domestic abuse offence there is nothing to stop him going to his property to try and get access to his files etc? I would suggest contacting the police station and explaining the situation, explaining what you think she is up to and explaining that your son wishes to remove files and/or the computer relating to his business(with the police there to prevent any funny business).
How cna he run his business from another address? Does he needto set up a postalredirection? He obviously will need to set himself up at one of his other properties.
He will also need legal advice with regards to seeking access to his child and with getting his ex out.
Does he have legal cover with his house insurance that might cover him? with any employer? I believe Which do legal advice as well- not sure how good it is and what situations it would cover but might be worth a look. Whilst good legal advice could be expensive, if it means he can try and get his business back up and running and doesn't end up in prison longer then it may be worth it.
A messed up situation, best of luck
df

fluffnutter

pigpen wrote: »

Easy.. he keeps his child and kicks her out on her thieving derriere. She stole his home and all his possessions, he owes her nothing. Sounds like justice to me and in her shoes I would expect nothing less.

You can't just 'keep' children. If she's a good mother (and what's to suggest she isn't) then dad isn't just going to be able to 'keep' the child. He's got to try to maintain a good relationship with his ex, despite what she's done, for the sake of their child.

I really don't get it. If you have children together, regardless of how angry you are, how badly one of you wants to behave etc. etc. you man up and act like grown ups when it comes to your kids. Anything else is simply unforgivable.

dancingfairy

I agree with Fluffnutter, whatever the rights and wrongs of the past, he now has to try and do the right thing by the child. I'm not saying he should let the mother stay there rent free etc but needs to try and keep it strictly legal if there is a chance of the mother playing games etc.
df
Edit: What I mean is he's been a bit of an idiot, but he's doing his time and sadly instead of stepping up to the plate whilst he's away the mother now appears to be playing her own game. It's now up to him whether to step up to the mark and sort things out or whether to go in all guns blazing (which may well make the situation worse).

Dinnie2006

Ok to try and maintain a good relationship means contact...and in previous notes i explain that the Mother is ignoring all Contact He Wrote to her advising that he thought all further contact was probably best in writing to avoid further hostility as she kept cutting call...he stated in the letter that they would have to put their feelings aside and do what is best for the Child..still no Contact The Child had weekly contact with my Son until the Mother ended the relationship. She wont let anyone else take the Child to see his Dad. . My sons Siblings have Children who have had a close relationship with the said Child and the Mother refuses to let them have any contact...The Child has spent lots of time with us and has now not been allowed to see us because its her only weapon of attack...Why she feels she has to attack us is beyond belief..Now if that's a Mother acting in the Best Interests of the Child..

DaftyDuck

I really do seem to be out on a limb here, and I'm aware I may well be insulting the O.P. by what I say, for which I am genuinely sorry.

We have here a child, and two parents. The male has gone to prison. He is still in prison. The female has chosen to end the relationship and has stated she intends to get a flat. She has changed the locks to the house she and her child are living in, where all three were living. He is, at the moment, unable to get access to the flat because he's in prison. Grandparents don't have (necessarily) visiting rights on children, so refusing to let them see the kid is possibly a red herring. I'm not sure what the legal position is with son granting access to flat to his mother is when girlfriend and child are living there.... I'd feel uncomfortable with that myself.

The O.P. was shocked by son going to Prison (first ever in family). Girlfriend, we are told, took child to prison regularly, was as good as possible. Then, a "Dear John" letter.... and she says she's getting a flat on her own. Maybe she is even more shocked, and may even be worried that prison has done little - worse than nothing - in reforming him, and she might actually be worried at changes he has undergone... worried enough that she's choosing to end the relationship now a release is imminent. Potentially she (thinks) she has the child's best interests at the forefront.

There seems to be a lot of invective being used but, presented from the other side, maybe this isn't anything bad at all. She says she's looking for a flat - maybe she is? She's changed the locks - but her 'other half' has other reasons why he can't get to the door at the moment, and maybe she wants some distance between her and others involved while she sorts this out. Maybe having a pushy Gran turn up unannounced (I know, you probably wouldn't... but you'd have a key to her home... because that's what it is!) Maybe she'll have moved out by his release date? She can't stop O.Ps. son from seeing his child - that's for the courts to sort out.

To me it is very, very significant that the O.P. (sorry if I'm blunt) didn't mention that there was a child involved until a later post (repeatedly called "the Child" - does he or she not deserve earliest mention and most attention?), and also failed to mention that her son was in prison. Originally the picture painted was of a poor lad who'd been locked out of his property by some scheming girlfriend.

In actual fact, the mother of his child, and the child (is your grandchild a boy or a girl, or is it just a Child?) are living there, the son went to prison, and it's not him who is trying to gain access to the property, but Granny!

The O.P. says they'd not leave the Child homeless as father owns numerous properties, but then goes on to say the girl's parents have two spare rooms... and that if he evicts her, she'll have to be housed by the Local Authority. Hang on, if he's got numerpus properties, what the Hell is he even thinking of poking his daughter into a couple of spare rooms at a parent's house, or shoving her off to the LA. He should house her. Oh, and offer his child and her mother somewhere nice to live; as nice as he's got. He's a bluddy father now.

embob74

I have to agree with DaffyDuck that the whole story does not appear to have been given.
It seems odd that the gf would dutifully visit her bf in prison and then cut all contact.....who knows what has really gone on?
After reading that the son keeps trying to contact the gf and all the family are doing the same I don't really blame her for changing the locks. I don't think I'd feel comfortable about a family that feel it's ok to hassle me having access to where I was staying.

sulkisu

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

Ok to try and maintain a good relationship means contact...and in previous notes i explain that the Mother is ignoring all Contact He Wrote to her advising that he thought all further contact was probably best in writing to avoid further hostility as she kept cutting call...he stated in the letter that they would have to put their feelings aside and do what is best for the Child..still no Contact The Child had weekly contact with my Son until the Mother ended the relationship. She wont let anyone else take the Child to see his Dad. . My sons Siblings have Children who have had a close relationship with the said Child and the Mother refuses to let them have any contact...The Child has spent lots of time with us and has now not been allowed to see us because its her only weapon of attack...Why she feels she has to attack us is beyond belief..Now if that's a Mother acting in the Best Interests of the Child..

You sound pretty angry with her, understandably so I guess, but try putting yourself in her shoes for moment.
Playing devil's advocate, I'm not saying that her behaviour is right, but the problem with relationships is that nobody really knows hat happens in other people's.
As a partner and mother, I would be pretty !!!!ed off if my OH jeapordised our happiness and security by getting involved in something so stupid, and going to prison for it. Perhaps she wasn't 'playing the dutiful girlfriend'. Maybe she tried to be one, but in the end just couldn't do it. And I am sorry but I have young children and I wouldn't take them into a prison environment to visit - not to spite him, but because of the effect it might have on them, seeing him there, being searched etc. Not nice. So having said that, ending the relationship and not wanting their child to go to prison to see him, doesn't really shock me.
You are obviously standing by your son and trying to see it from his perspective, so perhaps she feels that she has to cut contact with you. You say that his going to jail has hit you hard as a family - I can only imagine what it has done to her. It is possible that she has been advised that this (staying in the house/changing the locks) is the best thing to do. You don't mention how old they are, or how old the child is. Depending on how long his sentence is, she might be concerned about her financial security or him losing the house - it will be hard to pay a mortgage forever while imprisoned. there may also be implications if the proceeds of his crime helped pay for the house. Maybe her being there might stop it being seized. I just think that it is easy to dismiss her as a schemimg maniulative !!!!!, when in fact she might just be doing what she thinks is right for their child.

Either way, I hope that you get things sorted.

LannieDuck

Try asking the ex why she changed the locks. Maybe she lost her key?

How about sending an e-mail/text message "Hi XX. Just letting you know that I'll be popping over to the house on XX date at XX time to pick up XX that my son's asked for. If you and baby are around, I'd love to see you both. But no need to go out of your way if you're not - I'll let myself in."

Obviously you know the key won't work. But it might prompt her to get in touch.