Ex Girlfriend Changed the locks

sharnad

DaftyDuck wrote: »

Or how about leaving her be, in her own home, with her child, without pestering her all the time.

Maybe send the message "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, send me a text, and I'll try my best".

It's not here home it's a place she is illegally occupying

DaftyDuck

Well, morally and legally he should be providing a roof over his child's head! Whatever custody arrangements are later made, he is currently in prison, so the child's mother lives there too. That seems straightforward to me. If she's changed the locks, it certainly can't be to keep your son out; there are rather sturdier locks and doors doing that at the moment.

You said "he was more than happy for them to stay at the property while he was away to avoid house being empty". That sounds more as if he was using them as glorified house-sitters, and never had any intention of housing them on his release. You have said they had never lived together... "They have only lived in my sons house while he has been away". It certainly doesn't look like he had a "happy ever after" view of their combined future.

How long has he been in prison, and how long is he still in for? I'm surprised he'd get a custodial sentence for a first offence.

Believe me, I have every wish to believe that your son has learnt from his mistake, that he's a changed character, and that there's every likelihood that he'll do all he can for his child. I am, nonetheless, finding it difficult to see things the way you do.

DaftyDuck

sharnad wrote: »

It's not here home it's a place she is illegally occupying

Why is it not her home, and why on earth is she illegally occupying it? She was invited to live there by the owner, who is father of the child - and it is currently the only home his child has!!! She hasn't been legally evicted, I'm not even sure she's been asked to leave. I haven't seen that clearly stated, but it may be in there.

They have a child. As far as I am concerned, the couple have to do the best for the child that they can. They have one property between them which, at the moment, he cannot occupy, as he's "away", as it was politely put. So, mother and child live there. When he is able to come back, they make the best arrangements that they can. That may mean he gains custody of the child, it may mean anything. I simply do not know. But, to turf mother and child out so they live in a room in her parents' house, or get lumped on the Local Authority is not, in my book, responsible parenting.

Dinnie2006

Ok the House was never fit for them to live in.The Mother and Son lived with us...he was working on getting in fit ot live in before he went away...they were in more comfortable surroundings while living with us and as stated we looked after the Son 3 days a week...they suggestion was to rent the property out to generate a income while away but the ex wanted to move in...
Yes i can without doubt confirm it was a first offence..My Son is 31 and never been in trouble before..he spent 3 years before the actuall sentence knowing that he was getting a custodial sentence that in itself was a sentence...
He has done 6 mnths and is due to move to a open Prison this week whish allows him day release he has 5 Months left to serve..
So her Changing the locks now can only indicate that it is My Son she wants to keep out as she is well aware he will be getting day release...She will also be aware that she could stop all that by Calling the police..Her Mother in in the Police...

Gigglepig

Dinnie2006 wrote: »

she should be acting with a bit more Dignity and Respect ...he is after all still maintaining a roof over her head...which legally he does not have to do...
He misses his Son as do we all and there is nothing we can do to help maintain contact...

He is maintaining a roof over the head of is child - this is good but it sounds like it is the only thing he does. does he do anything else for his child at all? You are right he doesn't legally need to do anything, but what sort of parent does nothing for their child?

from the ex-partners point of view perhaps he doesn't exactly sound like someone who deserves lots and lots of respect for being a great boyfriend and father? The ex girlfriend may be hugely disappointed that her man messed things up in such a big way and at present cannot do anything for them apart from letting them stay in his empty house.

Surely he can get access/contact with his son so that you can see grandchild when he comes out of prison, unless he is deemed to be completely unsuitable? In the meanwhile, what about sending frequent cards since you at least know where the grandchild lives?

londonsurrey

Clare, I suspect that the disingenuous nature of the title and initial posting, leaving out the existence of the baby, is not helping matters.

Morally and legally, the baby's existence will change things, so any advice given without taking the baby into account is just wasting the advisor's time.

DaftyDuck

If her mother is in the police, it must be an additional embarrassment to her that her partner was sent down for drugs offences.

You have repeatedly said your son would not leave them homeless. So, what actual arrangements has he made for alternative accommodation? Her changing the locks may be done out of fear; if she had been living with you, but the relationship with your son has ended, moving back with you would be an understandably unpleasant option. Other than moving in with her parents, or hoping the state will look after them, what options does she have?

Seriously, what alternative arrangements has your son made that means they wouldn't be homeless? And what occupation is it that has to be done from a flat that's not fit for living in?

Dinnie2006

He has never asked them to leave the property...She said she was leaving then changed her mind and the locks...None of us are proud of what he has done ...we as a close family serve this Sentence with him...
I have had no cross words with the Ex G/f she has cut all contact i have always been there to help her when needed and she has even remarked i have been a been parent to her than her own have...now i,m not looking for a pat on the back for that i loved that girl like my own..so like i have previously posted this has completely rocked our world...Its as tho the girl we loved has been replaced by a Monster who is hell bent on causing as much pain as she possibly can....
The house had no kitchen or Bathroom...
Please all feel free to explain how the mortgage can be maintained if my son cannot earn....
Ok i,m going to bow out now...Don,t want to get into any heated discussion...That was never my intention....Legaly hes aware what he can do. Morally he will show her the Respect she has shown him....

DaftyDuck

Why does your son's earning depend on him having sole possession of the flat?

If he hasn't asked her to leave, what's the problem? She may have a dozen reasons to change the locks... including having met some of your son's new associates!

What other arrangements has he made to house them?

Gigglepig

Op I don't understand why you think she is a monster?

You say she has NOT been asked to leave so why is it a problem that she is still there?

From what i read she has
- left your son, but it sounds like the situation put a strain on their relationship so that is understandable
- after breaking up not made effort to visit him in prison and is distancing herself from his family (fair enough)
- changed thelocks (not right, but also understandable if she wants privacy maybe he/his family may suddenly lock themselves in)