Should we be expected to pay Mums bills

rose28454

Back from an exhausting weekend and waiting to hear back from the job. I just had a preminilary phone interview but am hoepeful of a proper interview.
As to Mum I went away on Friday afternoon and sis arrived Friday evening. I started work at 6.00a.m on Saturday and the first text from sis was at 10.00 to say Mum had too many pints of milk in the fridge and why had I not cancelled it. Mum does not have a problem with it so I just texted back to say do what you want. I had arranged 3 times a day care whilst away and spoke to the Adult Social Care office before I went to say sis was home and they said just to leave care in place.
However sis called me later that morning to say could she not change it and again I said do what you want. So the carers came late every morning ( 12. instead of 10) and then only came about 8.00 instead of 5 and 9.
So last night I got back about 9.00 after being up working since 4.30a.m. and popped up to see my Mum and sister as she was flying home this morning. First thing she asked was would I take her to the airport at 8.00a.m. even though my bil had offered and there then ensued me having to call other sis to try to get her boarding pass printed and to insist I would not be getting up to go.
So they could not manage the printing so I came back home to print it myself and then younger sis called to say she had done it. I was really upset and exhausted and my daughter got upset as we could not even have a moments peace after a long weekend working. She had come with me for a couple of the days to get away and help out. Mum also mentioend when I called in that she wants to change the care arrangements to once in the morning and bedtime but I said we would discuss it later in the week as also I am away for 11 days working in June so arrangements have to be made.
Then this evening I notice my Mum has a large bruise on her leg ( to add to the one on her other leg) both of which were done by my sister banging her leg on the wheelchair foot rest cause she is so clumsy.
Because the care arrangements were messed up over the weekend the carer came late this morning and very early for the t time visit.
I despair

LannieDuck

If she's happy with them coming twice a day, could you just leave it like that? Is there much benefit to the three-times-a-day arrangement?

And I assume your bil took her to the airport in the end (and not you)?

Mojisola

rose28454 wrote: »

I despair

You're doing well - in things like your replies to the texts - but you still haven't quite mastered saying "No" and walking away from the situation!

Knowing your family, I wouldn't have popped in on Saturday night. I know your sister was there but previous experience should have prewarned you that some problem would be thrown at you.

Getting herself back to the airport and sorting out her boarding pass were things she needed to organise in advance - it wasn't your problem! "Sorry I've been working flat-out all weekend. I need to get home now and I won't be up that early tomorrow." Stop trying to sort out their messes for them.

paulineb_2

Mojisola wrote: »

You're doing well - in things like your replies to the texts - but you still haven't quite mastered saying "No" and walking away from the situation!

Knowing your family, I wouldn't have popped in on Saturday night. I know your sister was there but previous experience should have prewarned you that some problem would be thrown at you.

Getting herself back to the airport and sorting out her boarding pass were things she needed to organise in advance - it wasn't your problem! "Sorry I've been working flat-out all weekend. I need to get home now and I won't be up that early tomorrow." Stop trying to sort out their messes for them.

I think thats very good advice.

rose28454

I onlu popped in on Monday night because otherwise I get a load of texts and emails when she has gone with instructions ( which I mostly ignore). I was really angry when I got back and told my Mum and sis how incosiderate they both are. My sister worked for the UN for 30 years in a high profile job but is hopeless in organising her own life. Regarding the twice daily visit I am going to try the morning and night visit thing but will then do Mum her cooked meal at lunch and leave a snack t out. I will do that from next week as my Aunt is coming at weekend for a couple of days so will leave till after that.
And yes she did get a lift to the airport but not from me. Thanks all for replying

LannieDuck

Did anything come of the possible job in the end? (fingers crossed...)

rose28454

hI
Here is an update as I need some more advice. Mum spent 5 weeks in hospital in July and then a week in respite care as she broke her wrist. She has been home since 20.8.13 and now has morning, evening and night time care visits. Everyone has finally realised I am giving it up and I am stopping at the end of the month. I have managed to lose 2.5 stone since end of July ( CAMBRIDGE dIET) and am planning to become a counsellor as my new business. I should be able to make enough to replace the £100.00 per week and more.
DD is progressing and still with me for now.
So eldest brother and sister decided we needed to advertise for someone to move in with Mum and in exchange for free accomodation just provide some assistance at weekends and possibly evening.
Also then the idea is to get someone to take my place Monday to Friday. We had a family meeting yesterday and basically Eldest brother bullied all of us into agreeing. There is a lady interested who was a solicitor but gave up last year to look after her own parents in Kent but they are now both in homes. She spent since April camping across south of england and ended up here and decided to stay. She now works part time in a shop and lives in lodgings. Myself and younger brother have our misgivings as we cant understand her giving up being a solicitor and spending 4 months camping. Also when she came she kept telling us that she is involved in our cathedral, works afternoons and is getting an afternoon job too so wouldc not have much free time for Mum. However oldest brother and sister are impressed she is a solicitor. This one wants accomodation.
Also another lady applied who already comes into our town every morning looking after other people and is looking for 5 days a weeks about 2 hours a day. She is also CRB checked. She is not interested in living in. She would take my place and the place of the cleaner so Mum would be £20.00 a week better off.
Mum kind of gave in as my brother is such a bully. But this week after 2 months of not making her own t in the morning she managed to do it so is trying to do more. Brothers main concern is she is there on her own such a lot but I pointed out that a lot of old people are and perhaps him and other brother could visit more. No reponse!
As to the accomodation Mum sleeps downstairs and there are 2 double and 1 single bedrooms. ELdest sis sleeps in the middle bedroom when she is home so the plan would be to give this woman the big bedroom ( which is lovely and has a fab view) and the toilet and bathroom upstairs ( that Mum does not use). I think she should be given the middle room but eldest sis wont sleep in Mum and Dads old room (the big room ) as she is superstitious.
Anyway plan is to call these 2 ladies and get them back for interview.
I dont think Mum minds me leaving but does not really want someone moving in.
Last point is Mum gets full Council tax relief as she is on Pension Credit so having someone else in the house would affect this but not sure how much she would lose. Brother said how would they know but dont want Mum caught up in a council investigation into her entitlement. I have worked hard to get her as much money as possible and they all seem to be overlooking it.
Reading this I seem to be trying to talk myself out of change but I live nearest to Mum and dont want another whole set of problems for me to deal with.
Comments anyone.

thorsoak

1. Bully the others into insisting upon references and a NEW CRB check for both applicants.

2. If someone does live in, then there would be a responsibility for Council tax - maybe that could be taken into consideration when working out salary.

Don't let older brother do anymore bullying/interfering. You're doing so well!

Tiddlywinks

Good grief - this is your mum - if she doesn't want a stranger moving in with her then that is her choice.

Sorry, but, first things first - ask your mum and then listen to her answers.

This is HER life and HER home... please just let her have her say about her life.

rose28454

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Good grief - this is your mum - if she doesn't want a stranger moving in with her then that is her choice.

Sorry, but, first things first - ask your mum and then listen to her answers.

This is HER life and HER home... please just let her have her say about her life.

My sentiments exactly. Having carers and cleaners coming in is one thing but someone living in no. However I met my older sis out shopping with Mum a few minutes ago and she seemed to agree with that.
Oldest brother is and always has been a bully and I think he just wants to tick the box ( as he is always saying). He wants it to be seen he has done best for Mum when in fact he wants no responsibility.