Should we be expected to pay Mums bills

Mojisola

rose28454 wrote: »

I will obviously cease claiming carer's allowance aswell.

I wouldn't give up the CA unless you really are going to stop looking after her. Keep a diary for a couple of weeks and see how much time you are spending with her and making phone calls, etc, on her behalf.

rose28454

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't give up the CA unless you really are going to stop looking after her. Keep a diary for a couple of weeks and see how much time you are spending with her and making phone calls, etc, on her behalf.

Good point. I have already ordered new door keys online and re done her budget for everyone else to see this morning. Going to get compost to do her pots this morning. Have already started looking at my finances to see where else I can save money. Thanks

LannieDuck

That's brilliant, well done I hope you didn't mind my comment. It was intended to be constructive rather than negative.

Why don't you consider having a look for a small part-time job? To replace the money you were getting from your Mum, and also to mark the change in your availability to care for your Mum by yourself. So your siblings know that things are changing and can't just carry on like before.

I also agree with Mojisola. Leave the CA a couple of months and see if you've actually reduced the time you spend caring. If you have, great. But if nothing's changed, then you're entitled to the carer's allowance.

rose28454

I was away at the weekend so arranged a bed time visit for Saturday and Sunday. However Mum told the carer on Sunday morning not to bother coming t and bedtime as older brother invited her for lunch. I was worried when I did not get an answer in the afternoon and eventually found out sh had gone out. Spoke to her when she got back and she said she had forgotten I was away. So I called the agency and reinstated the 2 visits as I would not be home till past midnight.
When I went yesterday she was in a foul mood and complaining about everything. She wants me to cancel the t time visit and expects me to go 3 times a day. I had arranged 3 visits a day for this weekend as I am away helping my other sister in London with a job. My older sister said she might come and then booked her flight last night. So no worries this weekend.
I planted up some pots for her yesterday, tidied through, took her shopping and to the doctor. The doctor said how well she looked and I told him we had extra care and he said that it was great we had extra support. Going up for an hour this morning to finish the pots and then lots to do at home.
As older sis is home at weekend will try to get eceryone together on Monday night for a meeting. She is starting to lose her memory so power of attorney needs to be done asap. Got copy of previous one yesterday and it just appointed my Dad.
Had a brief discussion with Mum but she is a bit reticent as older sis keeps on about her spending money. I might download the forms and just discuss it with everyone at weekend.
I am determined she wont get me down this week.

LannieDuck

I would take the approach that you won't be able to go at T time any more, and whether or not your Mum has a carer is up to her. If she cancels the carer for a couple of days, leave her to it. A couple of days of having no-one come in to help her, and she might realise how helpful the carer arrangements are afterall.

It's not a choice of you or a carer; it's a choice of a carer or nothing.

(Not that you'd never go and visit her again (!), but you cannot continue to be her default.)

lily76

rose28454 wrote: »

I think I did not make it clear. Eldest sister says we should all pay for things and youngest sister is kind of saying that is she and the other 2 pay it wont be fair when Mums estate is done. Eldest brother and sister are executors and it is she who is issuing these orders. Mum is influenced by both of them. Oldest brother and sister pay a bit to Mum each month as at 86 she still has a massive mortgage ( due to brothers business failings and Dad being persuaded to take a mortgage), youngest sister to be fair gives Mum £100.00 each month and the other 2 £60.00 per month each.

Recently eldest sister organised a skiing trip for the youngest granddaughter ( my younger brothers daughter who is 8) and wanted youngest sis to go or at least contribute. This ended causing a big row as youngest sis has a successful business through all her own work and is generous but fells she should nto be told where to spend her money. Mum said she had plenty odf money and should contribute and I ended up in the wrong because I sided with my sis.
About 6 years ago it was decided Mum and Dad needed a new kitchen and eldest 2 said every one need to share the cost. Younger brother and I did not pay ( as we are both tackling debt mountains- and gradually winning thanks to MSE!). So younger sister figured that as Dad was paying some it should be divided in 6 and so she paid a 6th. However ever since Mum and oldest sis have said she did not pay enough!
I got a lovely headstone for a good price after eldest sis messed it all up and then the hand came out for money. So as youngest was asked to pay at Mums infront of her she felt she had to pay.
So £1000 headstone Mum only paid £300.00 and when I said I would draw it out if b/s ( I am signatory) she said no as eldest sis has put it into her head that she not touch the money.
Mums estate will be divided 5 ways between us all when she passes if there is anything left.
My youngest sister has always had an uneasy relationship with mum ( Mum always called her the Viper and threatened to give her away to the childrens home many times) and no matter what she does for Mum she is accused of meanness. She also got Mum a lovely recliner at Xmas which Mum forgets!!

I have to say OP, your family is a small resemble of this country. People who contribute more get the least treats and have always been manipulated the most. I do sympathize your youngest sister. She is every inch right. Your mum stands for the social welfare and tax system, and you and your siblings are the tax payers. :rotfl:

rose28454

I had a bit of good news yesterday. A local company is looking for a bookkeeper/ admin person 3 days a week. It is walking distance from my home and I know the company well. I am going to call them this morning and ask if I can pop in next week to see them.
They are a van hire company my sister uses and told her yesterday that their present lady is leaving and did she know anyone who might be interested.
As regards Mum oldest sis is home this weekend as I am away so that's a relief. I tried to talk to Mum about going to our local oap home as they do day care but she refuses to entertain it. It would get her out of the house and she would meet people but she said she is dizzy and wont go.

LannieDuck

Ohh, good luck with the job.

rose28454

margaretclare wrote: »

It's also not fair on the carers, as they won't get paid for a visit that was cancelled. I worked a bit for one of those agencies back in 1996 and that was the arrangement - visit cancelled, unless they could find you something else, you didn't get paid.

I thought you said you'd had all this sorted, Rose, arranged with Mum and the family, that you weren't going to get dragged into all this again? Now you say Mum expects you to go 3 x daily?

She expects but i am not doing it. I went for an hour this morning to plant some tubs and baskets and will go back at bedtime. Then away tommorow afternoon until Monday night.
Regarding the carer's visits i phoned the out of hours no on Sunday and reinstated it. I dont think it fair to mess people around but Mum and older sis think it's ok.

Gingernutty

That job sounds perfect and, if necessary could be used as an 'excuse'.

You'll be too busy to call round on the work days, everything has changed since you last did this, you didn't realise there was so much new legislation, there's so much to catch up on, there's so much homework involved - she'll be lucky if you visit at the weekends!

Fingers crossed for you rose28454, you need this!