Am I too overprotective of my Son?

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

Yes, her original post says her son required a visit to A&E after one attack.

Ah, I'd missed that.

Defending yourself when you're attacked is one thing, setting out to attack others is another thing entirely.

The OP should report the attack to the police, but of course if her child were to attack another then that should be reported too.

z.n

When it comes to P..n on the internet (not being prissy-we have a very firm firewall in or out) be very cautious. DS was pretty traumatised age just 11 at the topics of conversation among peers-I had to cover everything from animals to deviant violent ... to put it in context. Even DH who is quite jokey about that sort of thing was horrified-hence the firewalls on the assumption that if he can circumvent the blocks he is old enough to make a decent decision on when to press the off button -which DS is happy to have in place. I just hope they act as a brake. The good thing was that his hormones hadn't started racing so we were able to talk frankly without embarrassment (why would someone want to do that??) Otherwise two clicks and it is all freely available without age restriction and is potentially very very nasty. Do not be complacent and be prepared to tackle the issue head on if you want any imput at all. It wouldn't surprise me if some younger kids are traumatised by what they stumble upon.

On bullying, we found the development of an ability to banter was useful (laugh at insults and treat them as jokes) and deflected a lot of problems. A serious child might need help from an older male to develop this a bit. A bit of physical confidence in games (or at the least a confident refusal to back down in some way in a safe environment) sorted out one situation very quickly without trouble (one quick return shove putting other child on the ground). Getting a wide group of friends who are decent and safe (most kids are) gives the confidence of numbers. Ensuring competency at a relevant skill (football, karate etc) is known is good-get a school friend along one time to see and report back to the group-word soon gets around. Go to a few after school clubs that are open to all ages-it is great when a much older boy says Hi in front of peers.

Use DH as a guide to appropriate male tv -ours is willing to watch inappropriate tv with DS until I appear and tell them both off. DS loved seeing the odd snippet in Year 7 but wasn't forced beyond his comfort zone-he gets to see what others are talking about without having the emotional burden of having to sit through the whole thing before it is age appropriate. Now Y10 DS might argue that he does want to watch something and i take that as a sign he is ready to-but I retain the right to turn if off if I get uncomfortable. The prospect of me explaining why I am uncomfortable acts as a censorship system anyway. Seems to work so far without any arguments. He self censors games on the basis that his gaming pc is downstairs and his sister and i can see. None are ever more than 2 years above his actual age-no 18's allowed.

brook_son

I have a 12 year old son and its not easy getting the balance right. They change a lot once they start secondary school (he is now in year 8). I try to keep an eye on what he watches but its difficult as they are round friends, luckily he seems to like Nickelodeon but I dont think he would tell his friends about iCarly, he also goes to Boys Brigade again he would never tell his school friends that he goes. He does watch Keith Lemon etc but I wouldn't say that really start until he was 12. (he's nearly 13 now)
But would it make a difference to the bullies if he started to watch these things? my friends son is really quiet and not into all the boy stuff, he really has 1 good friend and some of the other boys keep calling them gay... it does upset him but at least its never got physical. I just hope the situation sorts itself out soon for you - but if it was me I would be back up that school TELLING them to sort something out its part of their job.

Tiddlywinks

Video games have age ratings for a reason... to protect.

Games are rated for 12-years and over if they include non-graphic violence to human or animal characters, a slightly higher threshold of violence to fantasy characters or significant nudity or bad language.

Games are rated 16-years and over if the depiction of violence or sexual activity looks the same as it would do in normal life. Drug and tobacco references also trigger the age limit.

Games are rated 18-years and over if there is a "gross" level of violence likely to make the viewer feel a sense of revulsion.

It's all about exposure and what that regular exposure does to the mind of a child (or adult). It de-sensitises us to violent and shocking acts.

Video games and films rated as 18 show violent acts and sometimes portray them as normal everyday acts - is an 11 year old really able to understand that this is not the case? How many times will he watch someone carrying a weapon and using it before it ceases to be shocking? How many more times before it becomes acceptable? How many more before it is just appears a normal and everyday occurance?

Children need to have context and - unless the parents are there ready to talk the kids through the films / games - there is a danger that the edges between reality and fiction blur and children become hardened to events that nature (as a protection mechanism) designed to remain shocking such as violence and death.

Here's some interesting articles:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4594376.stm

http://www.techspot.com/article/629-do-video-games-make-you-violent/

Is it worth the risk?

Treevo

Person_one wrote: »

Nice Godwin there! The violence used to prevent greater violence is sometimes necessary but never good.

The OP's son is old enough to be charged with assault, suggesting that its ok for him to start hitting and beating up other children as retaliation for name calling and exclusion is wrong on many many levels.

I wonder how name calling and exclusion put him in A&E? Care to explain.

gingin_2

Dumbe wrote: »

The games etc are rated that way for a reason and 11 is still a child.. I am to be honest a little horrified by some of the opinions that think an 11 year old should be allowed to watch and play 15 rated programming ( never mind 18's stuff)

.

We went into a gaming shop with DS who wanted us to buy a game for him and the sales assistant said quite the opposite. We allow ds to play games over his age limit as long as we have researched them first and this particular game had endless reviews saying it was wrongly rated and should have been a 12. The assistant was the one who told us that because of the very narrow guidelines that PEGI set out for the games, many are wrongly rated and that this one is fine, he also said that PEGI were changing the way they rate games for this reason.

Like Spendless, my son is Year 8. We had problems in year 7 with one particular boy who seemed to torment many kids my son included, my friend's son had it far worse and it was only because the mother was persistent in getting the school to react that they acted upon it. I think if there is genuine bullying going on, you need to become a pain in the school's backside to get it sorted, just keep on and on and on until their only option is to sort it rather than take up their time having yet another phone call, or meeting with you. My son has had no problems this year and the end of the last, I think in year 7 there is a bit of a power struggle when they go from being the eldest in primary to the youngest in secondary.

I completely agree re. clubs. My son is on the geeky side and he has made good friends through the chess, computer and debating clubs at school. I would get him to sign up for as much as he can and then encourage him to invite them home as often as possible ( late night sleepovers are very popular).

purple.sarah

Claire212 wrote: »

Hi,

My son does go to after school activities, he goes freerunning and Kickboxing, this has little effect as no children are there from school. It breaks my heart to see him come home from school everyday so unhappy as something else has happened.

Unfortunately the school are powerless (Despite constantly giving us the 'zero tollereance' rubbish) and we have learned previously not to involve the police.

tyllwyd, while I don't consider myself too strict I don't think I want him watching anything that the children at school seem to do. It is not so much letting him watch more adult programmes. He watches One born Every minute with me and asks questions that I am happy to answer, it is more that children are watching specific programmes that I find too explicit for an 11 year old. x

Here are some examples of how to complain to the school about bullying and how to take it further. Don't let them get away with doing nothing. Bullies find a reason to bully someone, their behaviour is because of their issues not because of anything your son did or didn't do. The school has a responsibility to protect your son, consider moving him to a different school if they don't take that seriously.

marisco_2

Claire212 wrote: »

Am I harming my son? Should I allow him to play on these games just to fit in? Shoud I allow him to watch !!!!!! on you tube or Keith Lemon with his bits out on a weeknight?

No you should not lower your standards, just so your child can fit in with children who are clearly being dragged up. !!!!!! is not suitable for 11 year olds, neither are x-rated films or games. There is a watershed for a reason, which is why the likes of Keith Lemon are shown after 9pm. If it were suitable for children to be exposed to then there would not be laws against it.

meer53

marisco wrote: »

No you should not lower your standards, just so your child can fit in with children who are clearly being dragged up. !!!!!! is not suitable for 11 year olds, neither are x-rated films or games. There is a watershed for a reason, which is why the likes of Jack Lemon are shown after 9pm. If it were suitable for children to be exposed to then there would not be laws against it.

Not all children who watch Keith Lemon are being "dragged" up. As far as i know, it's not illegal for children to watch shows like this.

mrcow

marisco wrote: »

No you should not lower your standards, just so your child can fit in with children who are clearly being dragged up. !!!!!! is not suitable for 11 year olds, neither are x-rated films or games. There is a watershed for a reason, which is why the likes of Jack Lemon are shown after 9pm. If it were suitable for children to be exposed to then there would not be laws against it.

Really not trying to be a pedant, but as a Jack Lemmon fan, it has to be said. He was just a wonderfully funny actor and would be worth any 11 year old watching.

Not to be confused with Keith Lemon - a pointless waste of airtime. Hardly suitable veiwing material for a young pre-teen.