Am I too overprotective of my Son?

sassyblue

Person_one wrote: »

Ever seen grand theft auto? :eek:

Have now thanks. Yes l think that's going to be too young for an 11 year old. :cool:

scooby088

OP maybe you need to realise that your son at the moment is going through social change, there are kids of all ages at his school, there is a stigma if you don't watch certain programmes or play certain games you do get labelled. Doesn't mean anything about how you raised your son just means different parents parent differently.

Sooner or later you son is going to have to stand up for himself maybe harsh of me to say but mommy cannot continue to keep fighting his battles for him. I was being bullied rather badly when I was a first year in senior school, my mother sorted it out but then told me in no uncertain terms that was the last time she would do it, maybe harsh from my mother but I knew she loved me and would protect me if she could but she was right I had to stand up for myself, a good lesson learned and started me on the road to independence.

SuzieSue

I don't know if anyone has already suggested this as I haven't got time to read the whole thread but you should seriously consider taking him to karate lessons. It will give him a lot of confidence and he will be able to defend himself if necessary. It's a pity you didn't do this years ago, but it is never too late.

Spendless

My son plays Minecraft on the pc (I believe you can also buy an xbox version) if you are looking for a popular game for him to play to interact with others, but wish to steer away from shooting games.

I haven't seen Keith Lemon so can't comment, but I think it very much depends on the child. My son has had a more adult sense of humour since he was 7/8 (I don't mean in a sexual sense). He is very dry, as is his Dad. It took me a long time, to realise that since it was part of what attracted me to my husband I shouldn't be frustrated at seeing the same trait in our son.

bluenoseam

Claire212 wrote: »

I must be going about my child rasing all wrong. Lol.

I do not advocate myself as a perfect parent, nor do I slag off other parents. I mearly say "I don't care if Johnny can play Call of Duty/go on facebook till 3 in the morning. I don't allow it in my house".

Stunting his development. Hmmmm......not sure on that one. He still manages to find the odd swear word to mutter under his breath when he is asked to go to bed. I'm fine with this, it's growing up.

But it seems that to a certain point many do believe that letting children watch explicit things is ok.

I will have to seriously think about this one..... although I won't be rushing to buy a copy of Call of Duty just yet. Lol.

Perhaps a little learning of your own might be in order with regards to video games, probably won't surprise you to hear that most parents wouldn't know what games are & are not suitable because they simply don't play them! There's plenty of games out there which are violent in a manner whereby it's not gratuitous - you will however find that most games will start to get BBFC ratings (15 & 18) once guns & realistic violence are involved. Clearly the majority of games in this genre are unsuitable for an 11 year old, but in most cases it's no more or less excessively violent than your average Bond film.

What I would say though is that just because a game gets a 15 rating does not always mean it's OMG bad - it gets the 15 rating because of the involvement of realism. That's the point where it's less about disallowing it and more about the life lesson between real & fake. Looking at my collection I can see for example Splinter Cell gets a 15, where you're actively encouraged to sneak around the place as opposed to going in all guns blazing.

I'm only speaking though looking at the difference between myself & my eldest nephew who is 12 years my junior. At his age I was going down the town or into Glasgow on my own to concerts and suchlike, but he on the other hand still requires a lift to cadets for example. He's significantly more niave than I was at that age & does not have the same freedoms I did because his Mum fears that he'll get hurt. Might be a bit odd, but my Mum was less worried about me getting hurt & more worried that I'd be that guy who left home at 18 without knowing how to live!

pesky85

I don't think you are the cause of this bullying, at all.

The two things that strike out most to me are the facts that (a) he is not in a situation where he can socialise with his school peers other than in the classroom (where bullying seems to be an endless cycle until they find the next person to pick on) and (b) that he moved to this school without his primary school friends. Although unavoidable for your work situation, it probably means you will need to make an extra effort to help him make friends outside of school and in extra curricular activities.

As for adult TV content / you tube / video games....what does he think? Perhaps you could have an open conversation with him where he expresses his wishes for the types of things he feels he is missing out on. You could check them out and watch them with him.

Sadly, even if these thugs knew he was "in to" the same types of thing, they would probably find another excuse.

The school's stance is ridiculous, a trip to A+E and they wash their hands of it?

sassyblue

bluenoseam wrote: »

As for the bullies, while I know it's unpopular, I've never met a bully yet who wasn't put off with a smack in the chops - they will generally tend to pick on those too tame to fight back.

True. Quick, simple and they don't forget. :cool:

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

True. Quick, simple and they don't forget. :cool:

Violence = bad.

skipsmum

DS2 is 12, year 8, school of 2200 children. He is a typical nerdy kid and also has aspergers and mild cerebral palsy making sports difficult for him.
We live on a council estate in one of the country's "poverty areas".
He was home-educated so didn't know any children when he started.
Because the school is so large there are plenty of kids to choose from and DS has found a group of boys that he gets on with. He helped himself in year 7 by setting up a Warhammer club thats enjoyed by kids of all years. One of the teachers gave him a hand to start off.

He has struggled with a little bit of bullying, generally in PE, but I've found the school have been really quick to act, and they also have "vertical tutor groups" which means that he knows some of the older kids well. Schools can act if they choose to - I think your schools stance is awful.


He does have an x-box and is playing Halo 4 at the moment, and as we have an older teen (18) he also has access to call of duty and you tube.

DH takes an active part in playing the games (lol) which means we know what friends he talks to on the xbox and what the language is like, and I can honestly say that some of the more troublesome lads in the area that he plays xbox with give him no grief at all at school.
He often has friends for tea which means that I get to know them.

This week in the snow DS and his friends invited me and my DH out for a snowball fight. We were out for hours, had a great time, and got to know some of the other kids. I think this sort of interaction really helps him when hes at school.

travelgran

There's some good advice here but you do need to go back to the school on this one. First ask for a copy of the anti-bullying policy. It may be available on their web-site. Then arrange an appointment with his Head of Year, you can escalate this later if needs be. Check through details of what has happened when you or your son have reported bullying and find out if they are following their own policy. From the sound of things, probably not. This needs to be challenged. You can also find out which governor is responsible for this area and contact them.
If this is happening to your son you can be sure it's happening to others. Some parts of the problem he will have to learn to tackle himself but this is something you can do for him.
PS Physically tackling the bully as advocated by some can only work if the 'victim' wins! Even then the bully will only move onto someone else. Bullying in schools needs to be tackled at a 'systems' level as well as a personal one.