Am I too overprotective of my Son?

Claire212

I must be going about my child rasing all wrong. Lol.

I do not advocate myself as a perfect parent, nor do I slag off other parents. I mearly say "I don't care if Johnny can play Call of Duty/go on facebook till 3 in the morning. I don't allow it in my house".

Stunting his development. Hmmmm......not sure on that one. He still manages to find the odd swear word to mutter under his breath when he is asked to go to bed. I'm fine with this, it's growing up.

But it seems that to a certain point many do believe that letting children watch explicit things is ok.

I will have to seriously think about this one..... although I won't be rushing to buy a copy of Call of Duty just yet. Lol.

Person_one

Claire212 wrote: »

I must be going about my child rasing all wrong. Lol.

I do not advocate myself as a perfect parent, nor do I slag off other parents.

But it seems that to a certain point many do believe that letting children watch explicit things is ok.

Its a transition, a slow gradual change from child to adult, and starting to watch/see/do more grown up things are part of that. Its also important to remember that your son has to live in the world as it is, and sometimes you have to sacrifice ideals for coping ability.

Nobody's saying you're a bad parent, you've got some great advice on here and a bit of helpful constructive criticism. Please don't just ignore it and take your ball home.

Joons

Claire212 wrote: »

I must be going about my child rasing all wrong. Lol.

I do not advocate myself as a perfect parent, nor do I slag off other parents.

But it seems that to a certain point many do believe that letting children watch explicit things is ok.

No! You're not raising him all wrong, remember, on here, everyone has an opinion, doesn't mean it's the right one!

And yeah, you're right, some do, in other words: they turn a blind eye to it - that's not being a good parent. What you are doing is. I went to the pics with my friend and her 13 year old son, as soon as I heard him swearing I said to my friend, can you ask him to stop swearing, I don't like it. If I hadn't, she would happily have let him carryon - it was horrible, and wrong! All for the sake of actually making an effort and sorting it out as a parent, she'd rather just ignore it.

bluenoseam

There are actually two games I could come up with having direct links to !!!!!! off the top of my head & numerous more (including one with a couple of crude button press sequences) where sexually explicit material is present.

(By the way any and all innuendo in that post is absolutely unintentional)

As for the bullies, while I know it's unpopular, I've never met a bully yet who wasn't put off with a smack in the chops - they will generally tend to pick on those too tame to fight back.

meer53

My daughter is 12 and went to High School in September too. Compared to some of the girls there she is very naive, especially the girls with older sisters.

However, she watches Keith Lemon and Mrs Browns boys and loves them. She knows that bad language is just that and that she should never use it. She also understands most of the sexual content and often asks me questions about what is said. I'm happy to explain it to her. I'd rather it be me who is doing the explaining ! She also has a Facebook account which i monitor every day she uses it.

I'm not knocking the way the OP is bringing up her son but agree it may be time for a relaxing of the rules a little bit. They haven't mentioned whether they have asked their son how he feels about the restrictions that are in place. They might find things change if they did.

I know there are age restrictions on games and DVD's but sometimes you just have to make your own decision as to whether you feel your child could cope with watching or playing them. I know loads of boys under 18 who play games with an 18 limit, my daughter watches some films which have an 18 limit, it doesn't damage them, it's ultimately up to you as parents to make the decision isn't it ?

CH27

Claire212 wrote: »

I must be going about my child rasing all wrong. Lol.

I do not advocate myself as a perfect parent, nor do I slag off other parents. I mearly say "I don't care if Johnny can play Call of Duty/go on facebook till 3 in the morning. I don't allow it in my house".

Stunting his development. Hmmmm......not sure on that one. He still manages to find the odd swear word to mutter under his breath when he is asked to go to bed. I'm fine with this, it's growing up.

But it seems that to a certain point many do believe that letting children watch explicit things is ok.

I will have to seriously think about this one..... although I won't be rushing to buy a copy of Call of Duty just yet. Lol.

Growing up is hard.
Being a parent is hard. We just muddle through trying our best.

PS3 or Xbox have online stuff where they can play & chat to their friends. Has your son tried something like FIFA? It's a football game & is very popular.

julie03

you are not raising him wrong, i dont let my 10yr old play them either, he does have a games console but mainly plays mario games and lego games
he doesnt have a tv in his room and is only allowed tv till 5.30 ,(which some of his friends think is weird). though he does watch reality tv like strictly and british bake off and we let him stay up to watch documentries like Africa

Hope your son finds likewise friends at school and things get better for him

fluffnutter

Claire212 wrote: »

I mearly say "I don't care if Johnny can play Call of Duty/go on facebook till 3 in the morning. I don't allow it in my house".

Which, to be fair, is all you need to do. But I remember this as being rather hypocritical when I was a kid. Not only did my mum and dad say things like this but they'd also say 'I bet <name of my best friend> is not allowed to do that' or 'I doubt so and so's parents let her do this'.

I used to say 'You can't have it both ways! Either it matters what my mates do or it doesn't!'. And then get told off for being a bit cheeky

tonyh66

How is your boy's kickboxing? perhaps you need for him to have a word with his trainer regarding the bullying. If he is up to it sorting the biggest bully out (after a verbal warning) should draw a line thorough it. Also you should really tell him its alright to use industrial language when telling them where to go.
Bullies only pick on easy victims.

megela

fluffnutter wrote: »

OP, you've got a great opportunity to help your boy develop a bit of healthy scepticism and perspective. Where do you get the idea that all these boys are running riot and watching age-inappropriate things and !!!!!! on the internet and whatnot? I'd hazard that that's what your son's telling you. I bet he comes home saying 'They ALL do this' and 'EVERYONE does that'. I certainly used those sorts of arguments when I was a kid.

The fact is, they don't all do this and that. Most parents are doing a great job and most kids are nice. Your boy is noticing the ones that do have the more lax home lives, only because they're the ones shouting their mouths off. I bet the vast majority are just like your boy and are keeping their heads down for fear of being targeted by a few gobby kids.

When your lad talks about school, it's your job to put it into perspective for him, to give him the tools to deal with people like this (God knows he's going to keep meeting them all his life, they're not consigned to school!), to encourage him to see beyond the bluster and the showing off.

I had a similar conversation with my DD when she was about 10 and still going to bed about 7.30pm. 'But ALL my friends go to bed at 11pm'. I had to assure her they weren't - they were just trying to look big and important.

She is now 13, very sensible and responsible, and has luckily made some great friends at senior school. I also consider myself overprotective, but she knows it's because I love her and worry about her. We are gradually relaxing rules as she gets older.

I really feel for you and hope the situation gets better.