Am I too overprotective of my Son?

fluffnutter

Claire212 wrote: »

11/12 year old boys are apparently glued to X-Boxes and Playstation 3's playing 18 rated games with the blessing of their parents. They have unlimited access to you tube etc and are watching adult themed programmes with wild abandon. Parental Control is thrown out the window. It does not exist.

This simply isn't true, and you're not doing your son any favours if he's aware that you feel like this. It's going to make him feel even more ostracised and different to his peers. Plus if he thinks that his classmates are brought up by lazy parents it's going to give him a sense of superiority that won't help endear him to the other kids at school.

I can't help thinking that your post is a little 'I'm the only good parent, everyone else is rubbish'. That's not the way to tackle what's going on with your boy.

He needs to find his niche. For some kids this is easier than others. He's clearly at a big school and I know from my own experience that it takes a couple of terms to settle in at a large secondary school. What about his friends at primary? Did they go up to the same school as your boy? Is he still friends with them?

The only thing you can do is teach him to be self-confident, to value his own ideas and pastimes and provide him opportunity to do the things he enjoys. Bullying is a terrible thing and if you genuinely feel he's the target of bullie, then contact the school. In the meantime, talk to him about how he feels and what he enjoys. But don't slag off the other kids, nor their parents. It won't help.

Claire212

I am obviously going about my child raising all wrong.

From several of the posts many posters believe it is acceptable for children to do these things.

I do not advertise myself as a perfect parent with the view that everyone else is wrong.

I am not telling my son that other children have bad parents or slagging off the other kids. Mearly telling him that I do not accept that in my house. For example "I don't care if Freddies Mum and Dad let him play Call of Duty until 3 in the morning. You are not allowed".

I can not help but feel as though I am being made out to be the bad parent in all of this.....

We had to change schools due to moving house through work, so his friends have not moved up with him, although he stays in contact.

I will have to think this one through as it has not been the response I was expecting.

cheepskate_2

Claire212 wrote: »

Actually, cheepskate. I DO think that letting 11 year olds play 18 games and watching inaproppriate televison makes people not so much bad parents but irresponsible ones.

!

But that's your opinion not fact.
Do you not think that responsible/irresponsible parenting is also about how you bring your children up to mix well and be socially adept and be able to cope with life.
I think i saw somewhere a study about the shooters in usa, that they were a bit socially isolated within their peer group........Just something to think about

Purleygirl

"You end up with this strange situation where you have a worryingly innocent child in an adult's body. In the case of girls I actually think it can be dangerous as I know of some situations where over-protected girls have got into trouble because they didn't understand what the other person was talking about. Being savvy is a useful skill for youngsters."

I couldn't agree more, my parents were super strict and I was clueless when I was a teenager. I knew so little of what was going on that I was a real innocent and got into danger on many occasions. I hope this mum gets some help from the school, it's a dreadful situation and her poor son must be terrified, also how can he concentrate and work well at school if he fears for his safety?

Spendless

Claire212 wrote: »

When I was 11 I was going out on bike rides. Must have missed something. I am obviously going about my child raising all wrong. Lol.

I doubt many are out currently in the snow and ice on bikes.:D But kids do play out less than previous generations, they are more likely to be escorted to school to an older age (end of Primary) because of concerns (realistic or not) of traffic, stranger danger or even that they attend schools further afield. Consequently, we do have a 'playstation generation' .

sassyblue

You know what - you are doing an excellent job of bringing up your son so don't go blaming yourself, however, if you want my advice l would let him play those games if he wants to. What is an 18 rated game anyway? There aren't !!!!!! ones to my knowledge just fighting - well he could see fighting in a soap opera everyday.

Watching !!!!!! of course is a no no, but sadly kids being what they are (if they have no parental control) might seek it out. It's not going to rot his brain - he'll probably be horrified that his parents might have done that stuff. What are you like at home regards nudity? Is a grown up naked body going to embarrass him? How much does he know about sex? (You don't need to explain l'm just getting the point over that it may not be a terrible embarrassing shock) As an aside l remember a male school friend bringing in those little books of !!!!!! in the 70's - this was an infant school!! We must have been no more than 7, there was a big hoo ha about it when he was found out of course as he was showing it round. But l remember just thinking it was funny and to my knowledge those who looked at it and the boy who bought it in aren't damaged.

And yes l would still monitor his computer - allow him a bit more freedom now he's beginning to grow up though. Not sure about Keith Lemon, it's a bit much, things have evolved since we thought we were grown up watching The Young Ones. :cool:

As for the school l absolutely would NOT take no for an answer, of course they can sort bullying out. :mad: If l were you l'd be down the school demanding they do their job, your son is entitled to go to school in safety.

fluffnutter

OP, you've got a great opportunity to help your boy develop a bit of healthy scepticism and perspective. Where do you get the idea that all these boys are running riot and watching age-inappropriate things and !!!!!! on the internet and whatnot? I'd hazard that that's what your son's telling you. I bet he comes home saying 'They ALL do this' and 'EVERYONE does that'. I certainly used those sorts of arguments when I was a kid.

The fact is, they don't all do this and that. Most parents are doing a great job and most kids are nice. Your boy is noticing the ones that do have the more lax home lives, only because they're the ones shouting their mouths off. I bet the vast majority are just like your boy and are keeping their heads down for fear of being targeted by a few gobby kids.

When your lad talks about school, it's your job to put it into perspective for him, to give him the tools to deal with people like this (God knows he's going to keep meeting them all his life, they're not consigned to school!), to encourage him to see beyond the bluster and the showing off.

I don't believe for a moment that everyone at his school is an arse, and it's your job to make your son see this too.

It's also your job to answer his questions about the more explicit things he hears. Don't be horrified, kids need to learn this stuff and secondary school is where it all goes on, trust me. Just answer him honestly in a way that he can understand - he does need to know the facts about the more unsavoury stuff in life and far better he hears it from you and not the nonsense that kids come out with.

pigpen

Claire212 wrote: »

Am I harming my son? Should I allow him to play on these games just to fit in? Shoud I allow him to watch !!!!!! on you tube or Keith Lemon with his bits out on a weeknight?.

No.. they have harmed their children by lot allowing them to be children and by not having boundaries.

I feel parents should actually be prosecuted for exposing their children to such inappropriate matter tbh. It is lazy parenting, or no parenting and definitely abusive to some degree.

I don't even know who that Lemon person is, and by the sounds of it I don't want to!!

You need to be on to the school about the behaviour of these children, and if they do nothing the police for assault!.

Mine went from a primary of 200 to a high school of 2200.. that is irrelevant. What is relevant is how the school allows the children to behave. We had an issue with DS3 (13) a few weks back and the school involved the police, those children now have police record and dna on file (they were cautioned) and we haven't had a bit of bother since.

And fluffs sensible advice above echoed!

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

You know what - you are doing an excellent job of bringing up your son so don't go blaming yourself, however, if you want my advice l would let him play those games if he wants to. What is an 18 rated game anyway? There aren't !!!!!! ones to my knowledge just fighting - well he could see fighting in a soap opera everyday.

Ever seen grand theft auto? :eek:

Joons

You sound like a good parent, and yes, unfortunately a lot of kids this age are playing adult themed games and, some, watching !!!!!! on their gadgets, it's a sad state of affairs. Thankfully my daughter is 27 now so it wasn't anything like this then. From observing my friends and their younger children, I can honestly say I've been quite shocked (and I'm not easily) at the amount of bad language they use, the parents, as you say, letting their kids play any game they want until 3am etc.....it's terrible. Not sure if it makes them bad parents but certainly there seems a lot less parental control over what kids are doing. Wouldn't advocate your son fighting back but perhaps he could show them he will not accept it and let them know this, ie, he will report it. Well done for doing the right thing and not following the crowd like a sheep. Also, you'll get negative comments on here always, just ignore those ones!