Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

koalamummy

Nicki wrote: »

I was at university with a girl who had been home educated by parents who were similar to you! She wore knee socks, brown buckled sandals and a floral anorak with a hood and carried a school bag. She definitely did not have a boyfriend in her 3 years there and I am fairly sure she had no friends either because she stuck out like a complete sore thumb.

I find the idea that an adult would think a 9 year old girl in a short skirt to be sexually precocious to be very distasteful and it says miles more about the adult than the children in my opinion.

I am vaguely wondering if you went to the same uni that I went to Nicki! There is something startlingly familiar about that description. There were a few individuals I encountered who seemed unwilling/incapable of integrating despite many attempts to include them in various halls activities, (not all involving parties and alcohol either).

There were a few girls I did get to know who had definitely been home educated and university was probably a very dangerous place for them. They threw themselves wholeheartedly in the party/drink/casual sex lifestyle very quickly, and took risk that I aged 17 saw as being very stupid and dangerous. One in particular was totally unable to read situations or people at all despite the very obvious cues that most of the rest of our peer group picked up on very quickly. One horrific memory I have is that she called the payphone just outside my bedroom at 03:00 in a terrible state from inside a locked bathroom telling myself and my neighbour that the boy she went home with had invited his friends round and they had locked her in the flat with them. All I will say is thank heavens that 1471 had just been introduced or who knows what would have happened.

The girl in question refused to follow a legal route regarding this incident as she didn't want her parents to know what had happened

POPPYOSCAR

koalamummy wrote: »

I am vaguely wondering if you went to the same uni that I went to Nicki! There is something startlingly familiar about that description. There were a few individuals I encountered who seemed unwilling/incapable of integrating despite many attempts to include them in various halls activities, (not all involving parties and alcohol either).

There were a few girls I did get to know who had definitely been home educated and university was probably a very dangerous place for them. They threw themselves wholeheartedly in the party/drink/casual sex lifestyle very quickly, and took risk that I aged 17 saw as being very stupid and dangerous. One in particular was totally unable to read situations or people at all despite the very obvious cues that most of the rest of our peer group picked up on very quickly. One horrific memory I have is that she called the payphone just outside my bedroom at 03:00 in a terrible state from inside a locked bathroom telling myself and my neighbour that the boy she went home with had invited his friends round and they had locked her in the flat with them. All I will say is thank heavens that 1471 had just been introduced or who knows what would have happened.

The girl in question refused to follow a legal route regarding this incident as she didn't want her parents to know what had happened

I knew quite a few girls just like that and they had not been home school educated.

shirlgirl2004

365days wrote: »

School for him is a challenge, having said that, it is a microcosm of the world he will enter in adulthood. In an earlier post you said you don't want your children exposed to 'foul language and bullying' I take it you realise that these things happen everywhere, not just in schools. When will you allow your children to be exposed to such things? Or do you think you will be able to protect them from it forever?

I have to agree that some clothes worn by youngsters are inappropriate but that is down to parental choice and nothing to do with school so not sure how that supports your argument.

Yes foul language happens everywhere but that doesn't mean I want my children exposed to it on a daily basis. Bullying happens everywhere. It can happen within home educated social groups. The difference being the problems are addressed, the children don't go committing suicide because of it. They don't get scared for life with low self esteem as they can when it's left unaddressed by schools. There are plenty of things I don't think my children should be exposed to on a regular basis before adulthood and bullying and foul language are two of them.

The way the children dress is down to peer pressure again. On another forum I use someone is talking about her children being bullied in primary school because they don't have the latest mobile phones. Peer pressure is responsible for a lot of very horrible behaviour in school children.

RichardD1970

When did this become a debate about Home Ed vs School?

Both have pros and cons and suit different people.

My sister Home Educated her middle daughter because she didn't get on well in school, she is now at uni doing philosophy and politics, but the other two sisters went/are going through school because they are individuals and what works for one doesn't work for the others.

I know someone else who is a Home Ed nut and thinks that everyone who goes through the education system comes out the other side as a brainwashed zombie.

Both systems are valid and produce people at either end of the spectrum.

koalamummy

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I knew quite a few girls just like that and they had not been home school educated.

I didn't though as the majority of my social group were not strangers to alcohol and either knew their limits or had learned that in a larger city if you are going to exceed them then stick with a small group you know and can trust to get you home safely. Also the boys as well as girls were definitely more inclined towards relationships than the risks of anonymous sex. That unfortunately is why I mentioned the people I did because despite mostly being attached to our group their attitudes and understanding of risks jarred so significantly

I am sure many people home educate very well and manage to help their children understand the risks that adult life poses but my lived experience of a very small group sadly showed me that some of these children are dangerously ill equipped to cope with modern life.

365days

shirlgirl2004 wrote: »

Yes foul language happens everywhere but that doesn't mean I want my children exposed to it on a daily basis.How are you going to protect them? I guess from that you censor Tv and Music too. Bullying happens everywhere. It can happen within home educated social groups. The difference being the problems are addressed,Do you believe they aren't in school? the children don't go committing suicide because of it.Suicide from bullying is very rare They don't get scared for life with low self esteem as they can when it's left unaddressed by schools. There are plenty of things I don't think my children should be exposed to on a regular basis before adulthood and bullying and foul language are two of them.Foul language is everywhere though. Do you not travel on buses? Go to concerts/football matches? Anywhere that isn't part of the home schooling community? What is going to happen the first time someone tells your child to F off?

The way the children dress is down to peer pressure again. On another forum I use someone is talking about her children being bullied in primary school because they don't have the latest mobile phones. Peer pressure is responsible for a lot of very horrible behaviour in school children.

I'm sorry but after reading that I'm slightly worried for your children. You seem to have an idea that children are inherently bad. Shame. The vast majority of children are fabulous.

shirlgirl2004

365days wrote: »

I'm sorry but after reading that I'm slightly worried for your children. You seem to have an idea that children are inherently bad. Shame. The vast majority of children are fabulous.

Yes I censor the television as every responsible parent should. Radio 4 is generally free from foul language. Would I let them listen to foul mouthed rappers for example? No I wouldn't.

Yes I believe bullying is often poorly addressed. My own nephews have been the subject of horrendous bullying in school. I know a number of children who are home educated because the schools couldn't (wouldn't?) stop the bullying.

No we don't travel on buses, go to football matches or concerts unless you mean classical music which is fairly tame. We did hear someone swearing loudly in the street during last summer and I explained that some people have mental health problems that aren't treated very well. TBH he might have just been drunk but I gave him the benefit of the doubt as it was the middle of the day. Please don't worry about my children. One is already grown up and happily married and in a good job. I'm sure the others will follow suit in due course.

POPPYOSCAR

Whilst it(Home Schooling) is not something I would ever considered doing myself for various reasons, mainly selfish ones, presumably the authorities would not allow it if they thought it detrimental?

shirlgirl2004

RichardD1970 wrote: »

When did this become a debate about Home Ed vs School?

Both have pros and cons and suit different people.

My sister Home Educated her middle daughter because she didn't get on well in school, she is now at uni doing philosophy and politics, but the other two sisters went/are going through school because they are individuals and what works for one doesn't work for the others.

I know someone else who is a Home Ed nut and thinks that everyone who goes through the education system comes out the other side as a brainwashed zombie.

Both systems are valid and produce people at either end of the spectrum.

Unfortunately when people expressed that parents whose children aren't sent to nursery should be treated with suspicion.

POPPYOSCAR

shirlgirl2004 wrote: »

Yes I censor the television as every responsible parent should. Radio 4 is generally free from foul language. Would I let them listen to foul mouthed rappers for example? No I wouldn't.

Yes I believe bullying is often poorly addressed. My own nephews have been the subject of horrendous bullying in school. I know a number of children who are home educated because the schools couldn't (wouldn't?) stop the bullying.

No we don't travel on buses, go to football matches or concerts unless you mean classical music which is fairly tame. We did hear someone swearing loudly in the street during last summer and I explained that some people have mental health problems that aren't treated very well. TBH he might have just been drunk but I gave him the benefit of the doubt as it was the middle of the day. Please don't worry about my children. One is already grown up and happily married and in a good job. I'm sure the others will follow suit in due course.

It is an interesting subject - swearing.

I hate it myself and our children have never used foul language in front of us.

As you say, their peers use it all the time and it is common place on facebook for example. I caught sight of my daughter's facebook page once and she had joined in - not a lot I can do about that but at least she knows not to do it in front of us.