Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

Snoopinggoose

Hi,

I've had a note put through my door from social services about information they were given from a health visitor about my child! She's 3 years old (will be 4 in March) and she's not in nursery as I chose not to send her to nursery, I also have a 7 week old baby.

Anyway a social worker has been out today and said that because myself and my partner told the health visitor we no longer needed her to come out the health visitor raised concerns with childrens services!! It's because myself and my partner told the health visitor there are other families who need there help much more than we do and we no longer required or needed them to come out to visit us as we already have a big support network! I've got 4 sisters, my partner has got 2 brothers and 7 aunties on his dads side, 3 uncles and 2 aunties on his mothers side etc!

I'm quite rightly fuming about this and am in the process of complaining to the health visitors manager about the conduct of her health visitor just because said health visitor wasn't happy we didn't need her (or want her) anymore!

What do you suggest I say to social services as I know for sure nursery is not compulsory nor is any schooling until my child is aged 5 years old.

Thank you.

PinkLipgloss

I suspect the concerns have been raised because you said you didn't need her to visit anymore - not that your older child is not in nursery.

Health visitors are trained to look for any developmental issues your baby may experience and, as such, arrange early intervention. Their visits (in my experience) are short and reassuring so why ask them not to come back?

I appreciate you have a large support network and experience of raising an older child however I really fail to see what issue is with having a health visitor check your baby from time to time!

You are probably not wanting to hear this but I completely understand why concerns were raised.

amyloofoo

I suspect I'm not going to be saying what you want to hear, and I may well get flamed, but here goes anyway:

Your health visitor is a highly trained professional with lots of experience in helping families and supporting normal child development. It's great that you have such a large and supportive network around you, and I appreciate you've raised a child before; but having a health visitor around could help to pick up on any issues you may miss or be unable to identify. Visits aren't usually too frequent and tend to be very informal and in your own home, so hopefully aren't too inconvenient. I would encourage any new parent to agree to input from a health visitor, it can be a helpful way to get information and support, as well as referrals to speech and language therapists, etc if these are necessary.

Having said that, whether you have the input of a health visitor or not is your own choice - and you're quite right that you can ask for these visits to stop. However you also need to understand that, as a professional, your health visitor has a statutory duty towards safeguarding. Failing to engage with services is completely legal and is your right, but it's also an indicator that there may be issues within the family which you're trying to hide - and would definitely be a cause for concern amongst many health and education professionals. There is a strong link between families who don't work with outside agencies and cases of neglect or abuse - of course I'm not saying that's what happens in all, or even the majority of cases, but all professionals have an obligation to consider that this may be the case.

When you couple this disengagement with the health visitor alongside your child not being in nursery (also your right), this adds another layer to the situation. Your health visitor getting in touch with social services is not her suggesting that you've done anything wrong, but it's an acknowledgement that this disengagement is linked to the possibility of harm. Social services will want to talk to you, and will probably close the case when they hear your reasons - you have a large and supportive network around you and there are no concerns about yourself and your older child. I know you're angry, and feel you want to complain about the health visitor - but unless there's something you're not telling us, I think she's just doing her job. You do have rights over your children's education and health, but she also has the responsibility to raise concerns when certain things take place, and failure to engage with services is one of them.

Snoopinggoose

Well my point is this, no referral should ever have been made just because the health visitor felt her nose had been pushed out of joint..

At the end of the day health visiting is optional not a requirement and if families choose not to use there services (aka mostly being nosy self obsessed think they know it alls, when they don't have kids themselves the majority of the time anyway) then they should respect that! Nursery is also optional for my child and if I choose not to send her to nursery then that's my perogative..

I really am struggling to see why you can see why concerns were raised, at the end of the day this is all down to some jobsworth health visitor who feels she's had her nose pushed out of joint because we don't need them to come out! And at the end of the day if any of our kids were ill we'd take them to a doctor and in the case of our newborn we regularly take him to clinic off our own back to be weighed etc!

No concerns needed to be raised whatsoever, at the end of the day I'm independent enough to know what I want and I choose not to have the health visitor to come out then that's my choice.

And at the of the day taking my newborn to clinic to be weighed etc IS 'engaging' with services, I really don't see what the problem is.

elantan

Can I suggest, you know there is no need to raise concerns but the health visitor felt there was, she is doing her job, you may not like it, but part of her job is to ensure the safety of your children, to her your behaviour sends a red flag up so she quite rightly acted upon it, for all she knows you are an illegal drug user with a partner that beats you up

How many times have situations like that happened and no intervention happened only to find a child swallowed its mothers drugs ( I'm thinking of the one in the paper recently here)

Obviously this is not the case for you, and you have my sympathy, but this woman doesn't know you so you have to be more understanding of that and grin and bear it till they realise their mistake

amyloofoo

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Well my point is this, no referral should ever have been made just because the health visitor felt her nose had been pushed out of joint..

You're right, if that was why the referral was made then it shouldn't have. However, from what you've said, it sounds as though she's raising valid concerns that you may not be engaging with services. In itself, that's not a problem, but it can be indicative of other issues. It's not up to your health visitor to decide whether it's a problem or not, it's her obligation to report it to social services and let them investigate appropriately.

At the end of the day health visiting is optional not a requirement and if families choose not to use there services (aka mostly being nosy self obsessed think they know it alls, when they don't have kids themselves the majority of the time anyway) then they should respect that! Nursery is also optional for my child and if I choose not to send her to nursery then that's my perogative..

We're all aware of your rights - but you seem to be failing to understand that your HV is only doing her job. You have the right to not send your child to nursery yet and to not use HV services (heck, you also have the right to refuse immunisations and homeschool if you want) - these could all be good choices for your child and may be well thought out and done with the best of intentions - or they may be done for other, less pleasant reasons. The fact is, your HV doesn't know and is obliged to refer to others to investigate. She's not making any judgements about your parenting, just fulfilling her safeguarding requirements.

I really am struggling to see why you can see why concerns were raised, at the end of the day this is all down to some jobsworth health visitor who feels she's had her nose pushed out of joint because we don't need them to come out! And at the end of the day if any of our kids were ill we'd take them to a doctor and in the case of our newborn we regularly take him to clinic off our own back to be weighed etc!

Good, I'm sure you would - but not everyone does unfortunately. You may well be the best parents in the world, in which case social services will simply close the file - but what you've done is something which raises alarm bells because it's also used by 'at risk' families who are trying to hide.

No concerns needed to be raised whatsoever, at the end of the day I'm independent enough to know what I want and I choose not to have the health visitor to come out then that's my choice.

And at the of the day taking my newborn to clinic to be weighed etc IS 'engaging' with services, I really don't see what the problem is.

You have every right to refuse HV services and to not send your little one to nursery. I know it can't be pleasant to discover that a social services referral has been made, and it must be difficult to not take it as a criticism of your parenting or an overzealous HV. However, please see it in context - she's doing what she's required to do in these circumstances and allowing others to investigate. After child protection tragedies people always ask how families 'fell under the radar', so now it's drilled into health professionals to refer where there are circumstances which could be concerning and let social services do their job. She's not got all the facts, for all she knows there could be an ongoing case for your eldest child, or the school may have reported concerns - it's therefore not her place to say whether your choice not to have HV visits is serious or not.

I appreciate it's not what you want to hear, but the best thing to do is stay calm, explain your reasoning to social services and let them investigate and close the case. Referrals to social services are made for reasons which some parents consider to be trivial, but could be indicative of wider issues or support being needed (I'm not saying this is the case for you). If you're genuinely concerned about the actions of this particular HV then you're able to request your notes (there will probably be a £10 fee) and you'll be able to see the exact reasons for the referral and take appropriate actions. PALS should be able to help, or there's lots of support from http://www.aims.org.uk/

ilikewatch

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Well my point is this, no referral should ever have been made just because the health visitor felt her nose had been pushed out of joint.

You cannot know whether the HV made a referral because "her nose has been pushed out of joint" or because she has genuine concerns about the welfare of your children.

My partners job means that she has to make regular referrals to SS, and in almost every case the parents concerned feel that the referral has been made vexatiously, however there is always a valid reason for my partner to have made the referral.

Molly41

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Well my point is this, no referral should ever have been made just because the health visitor felt her nose had been pushed out of joint..

At the end of the day health visiting is optional not a requirement and if families choose not to use there services (aka mostly being nosy self obsessed think they know it alls, when they don't have kids themselves the majority of the time anyway) then they should respect that! Nursery is also optional for my child and if I choose not to send her to nursery then that's my perogative..

I really am struggling to see why you can see why concerns were raised, at the end of the day this is all down to some jobsworth health visitor who feels she's had her nose pushed out of joint because we don't need them to come out! And at the end of the day if any of our kids were ill we'd take them to a doctor and in the case of our newborn we regularly take him to clinic off our own back to be weighed etc!

No concerns needed to be raised whatsoever, at the end of the day I'm independent enough to know what I want and I choose not to have the health visitor to come out then that's my choice.

And at the of the day taking my newborn to clinic to be weighed etc IS 'engaging' with services, I really don't see what the problem is.

Im a retired midwife and a mother of 4. The attitude displayed in the post above would concern me. Children are everyone's responsibility - society has a role to play. They are not your personal possessions and you have a duty to ensure their well being as does the HV and anybody who comes into contact and has concerns.

jem132

It may not have been your hv.....

She would of had a duty of care to inform you if she was going to, when I worked as a family support worker you have to inform the client the reasons why? ......and tell them..... I would think hv are the same schools allso inform you....

Maybe it was a nosey nabior???
If you have nothing to hide get a grip ring the same concerned make an appointment for her to come out to your home and visit you and everything should be okay.

I know it's disheartening when someone does this but it's good that they do at least you know people are looking out for kids who may not be having a nice life at the moment..
Take care and don't worry if you have nothing to hide xx

FBaby

Why are you taking so personally and defensively? It's not because social services are involved that you have been dirtied or labelled!

Step away from the HV wanting to prove a point because you said you didn't want her. She wouldn't care less to that fact. As stated many times already, she is only doing HER JOB, that is to identify potential cases at risk. There will be specific trigger point, and both not wanting involvement of a HV with an infant and an nursery child staying at home would be one, that's it.

It is a case of that HV risking losing her job if she didn't raise safeguarding concerns. Social Services will investigate, be reassured that they have nothing to worry with your family and close the case. End of. It's no big deal. HV have to report anything that indicates a desire to be left alone because it is known that this is what abusing family do.

You need to calmed down, welcome social services, show them there are no worries and get on with your life. The only thing that I find not to be right is that the HV should have inform you that she needed to inform social services and let you know that they might be coming, but again, maybe there is a reason why they don't warn families.

johnnyl

the typical nosey nanny state. Make a formal complaint and dont let it lie, there are too many of these thieves walking around making a living out of patronising others and making indirect accusations that they can not back up. Invite her to put her accusations in writing, along with any evidence of wrong doing and then invite her to discuss it in court.