mum not letting me move back in..

Cornish_piskie

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Maybe my financial position isn't as dire as I make it out. It is certainly manageable, but I would just like to be in no debt lol. As I said I didnt think us moving back would be an issue because she had said it would be fine. Now we will just have to very strictly stick to our budget.

Everyone I asked in work, who are all around her age, with children my age, said they would let their kids move back in no questions asked if they were struggling, with or without monthly pay etc.

So, all those colleagues who would take their kids back in a heartbeat heard a slightly different story then ... :cool:

And, to be fair, I doubt there are many on this board who aren't 'struggling' and having to 'keep to a strict budget' at the moment

unoriginal_uk

Honey and lemon you should def go over to the debt forum and get some advice - if you want to pay your debt off sooner I am sure with a bit of work and sacrifice you could cut back (as I am sure you prob already know) - I thought I had no money to spare at all to pay mine back sooner than 2014/2015 but by making cut backs I managed to pay it back within 2 years ish (and mine was around the 20k mark).

Also if you check out the 1% at a time thread there's a big long list of ways to make extra money maybe by doing some of that you could make some extra dosh to pay it back also.

I'm also so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.....that must be really poop to deal with in any situation, even if you weren't financially ready etc etc....and it does sound like your mum could have been a bit more supportive in that situation without being so blunt about it 'averting a crisis'

victory

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Interesting points Jojo. She was disappointed for me when I fell pregnant, like I was repeating her life. I think she just didnt want me to face the same difficulties she did.

The more I read on here the more I feel like she just feels like shes done her job as mum. She didnt choose to be a mum, but she did it, and now its time for her to get on with life. I dont say that with a bitter tone by the way, Im just trying to get my head round it all.

You are assuming again. Your mum ever actually said this?

HoneyAndLemon

Cornish_piskie wrote: »

Everyone I asked in work, who are all around her age, with children my age, said they would let their kids move back in no questions asked if they were struggling, with or without monthly pay etc.

So, all those colleagues who would take their kids back in a heartbeat heard a slightly different story then ... :cool:

And, to be fair, I doubt there are many on this board who aren't 'struggling' and having to 'keep to a strict budget' at the moment

No I told them exactly what I meant. That we can pay our loan, but we could overpay and clear it in a year if we moved in. And I only got the loan this month to consolidate everything, before that we were struggling to juggle everything. All our own fault we know but thats we are trying to sort it. And most of the women in work have their 'kids' who are older than me still living at home, most of them not paying, and getting their dinners, washing etc all done for them.

HoneyAndLemon

victory wrote: »

You are assuming again. Your mum ever actually said this?

She told me she was disappointed yes.

victory

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

She told me she was disappointed yes.

In you? The pregnancy? The debt? Your behaviour? In what?

HoneyAndLemon

victory wrote: »

In you? The pregnancy? The debt? Your behaviour? In what?

Disappointed for me that I was pregnant.

victory

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Disappointed for me that I was pregnant.

I see, all her demons poured over you

mountainofdebt

Have you thought any more about skintchick's suggestion about renting out a double room?

If not why not?

If yes but dismissed why?

Or is more about your mum not helping out than you trying to find a solution to the problem?

365days

Right I'm going to say it how it is.

Becoming a Mum does not automatically change a woman into a caring, loving, selfless person.

Some women resent their children. Some women use their children. Some women, frankly couldn't give a toss about their kids. Some women drop their kids whenever a new man appears. Some women lean emotionally on their children. Some children parent their parents.

As a child you had little choice in the matter.

Realising that your Mum's life does not revolve around you hurts. Some people find that out pretty young. Some people live in denial that it is even true. Some people keep giving chance after chance for the person to 'make it right' Purely from what you have said, your Mum sounds like she falls into a few of the above catagories. She is a humanbeing, just like all of us and she has her faults, just like all of us.

You feel like she has chosen her new partner over you as she may well have done before in the past. Now you are an adult though, you can step back and decide how you are going to react to someone who does that to you.

You can think 'Oh that's ok you can drop me when new man comes along but I'll still be at your beck and call when you need me' or you could say 'This is how you are going to be from now on. I know where I stand and I will choose carefully what sort of support I am willing to give back to you'