mum not letting me move back in..

FBaby

I can understand your mum's position. She was a single mum and probably gave a lot of her independence away for you. She has now met someone and wants to enjoy the relationship. If indeed she thinks he could possibly move in with her she might be concerned that you guys being there could get in the way. It's not easy to move in with someone after years being used to living alone and the last thing you need is the potential risk of being stuck in between partner and child if there are issues.

She hasn't said no she has said she needs to think about it, maybe discuss moving with him and that is the right thing to do rather than rush in a situation that could end up very stressful for every one. The fact you got into debts hence the reason to move in doesn't mean that she ought to welcome you with open arms.

I expect she intends on telling you it is ok but if you start acting like you expect it she might think twice.

whitewing

I like your signature. I have just noticed it and it made me laugh.

Sounds like things have been rough. I know you have consolidated your debts, but I still think there would be some value in doing an SOA.

When I got settled with my DH (i.e. when I knew I would eventually marry him), I went through a prolonged period of sorrow that I didn't have a lovely middle class family lifestyle with a mum and dad who cared and who could be relied upon and talked to! I was sad down to my bones, but I now understand that it won't happen. I am much less disappointed now (but hardly have any relationship with my parents).

HoneyAndLemon

By the way, she has no idea I'm even annoyed/upset. As I said I don't like confrontation, and I only asked peoples opinion in work because I DIDNT want to be stamp-footy and was interested to see what they thought.

Also, why has she always offered to let us move in, yet only now shes met someone decided shes not so sure?

Also, my fiance lived with us before me and him moved out so shes no issue with him.

Our portion of the bills would only be about £100, we're offering £300. Plus buying our own food on top. So we're not sponging.

Good point though about her probably sponging off me more if we moved back. Honestly we don't really want to now that we feel so unwelcome, I was interested to see how other people viewed it just. And where to go from here.

Interesting to see different views on it.

meritaten

Your mum sounds like a narcissist to me - youre broke she wants you to have the big white wedding (so she can be 'mother of the bride'?), she gets a new bloke - you take back seat. all her life SHE has put herself first hasnt she?
so - play the narcissist game - they hate being badly thought of, so, appeal to her selfish side. You must know her well enough to know if she would be shamed by family, friends, neighbours etc knowing she wont help you - so say calmly 'well mum if you wont have me I will have to ask 'aunty soandso' or 'the old couple next door but one' if they want lodgers til we sort ourselves out'.

thorsoak

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

McKneff wrote: »

She is doing exactly what she has taught you from being a child. To stand on your own two feet.
/QUOTE]

This from the woman who borrowed hundreds of her 75 year old mum this month for her next holiday because shes blown all her own money? She owes our whole family money. Yes she taught me to stand on my own 2 feet, too bad she cant do it herself.

And yes I am resentful. Her reaction last year when I got pregnant was 'thank god you didnt move back in, I couldnt cope with a screaming baby', despite knowing we were already struggling, and when I had the miscarriage, 'oh crisis averted'. Not once did she offer any help.

Now you ARE sounding like a spoiled brat! It is none of your business if your mother is in debt - she is at least in work and earning enough to repay it. I think that you are jealous of the fact that she can go on holiday and you cannot.

I suggest that you wind in your resentment - find your own rented accommodation and let your mother lead her own life.

thehappybutterfly

I've never really had a mum and have never had a normal mother-daughter relationship but.... in the future, if my daughter asked me if she could move back in after two years of living independently, along with her partner, I'm afraid I would be reluctant. As much as I love her, after two years, I'd probably be used to my own space and wouldn't be partial to house sharing again.

I'm sorry but I can see why she's hesitant and I don't think you should tell her you're not happy. You're an adult, you got yourself into debt, it's up to you now to be grown up and deal with your debt instead of getting mum to help you out.

If it was me, I would offer to help you out in different ways - maybe have you round for dinner a couple of times a week or help you out with food shopping but let you move in? No way.

VfM4meplse

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

This from the woman who borrowed hundreds of her 75 year old mum this month for her next holiday because shes blown all her own money? She owes our whole family money. Yes she taught me to stand on my own 2 feet, too bad she cant do it herself.

And yes I am resentful. Her reaction last year when I got pregnant was 'thank god you didnt move back in, I couldnt cope with a screaming baby', despite knowing we were already struggling, and when I had the miscarriage, 'oh crisis averted'. Not once did she offer any help.

Well in that case she's just a mean b*tch. Even your worst enemy would offer you some sympathy under those circumstances.

Leave her alone and live your own lives, everyone struggles for a bit, but standing on your own two feet is priceless.

Person_one

OP, I'm sorry your mum isn't the mum you want her to be.

Its completely natural to want to feel that you can go 'home' when times are hard. Its completely natural for family members who care about each other to want to help out through tough times, however old everybody is.

Its completely fine for you to cut back on the amount you do for your mum now that she's shown you what her priorities are. Look after yourself, that's who you can rely on now.

HoneyAndLemon

thistledome wrote: »

Really? Feeding someone's cat is not comparable to letting a couple come and live with you in your house when you're used to having your own place. Sorry OP, but I don't think she's the only one being selfish....



It's your Mother's home, not yours.



Nice. :rotfl:

I'm not without sympathy for your situation OP. The advice to post a SOA on here is a good idea. I hope you find a way to deal with your debt.

Eh feeding the cat is one example. And when it takes 40 mins by car each time I go up, eating up petrol, and its at least twice a week its quite a lot. She also orders food deliveries from Tescos etc, knowing she'll be at his, and goes ahead with the order, then asks me to be there, without even checking with me first. The list goes on with other stuff too but its all the time. As I said before, I never say no so probably my own fault too. The one time I said no to giving her a lift somewhere at the last minute because I was busy she didnt talk to me for a week.

victory

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

McKneff wrote: »

And yes I am resentful. Her reaction last year when I got pregnant was 'thank god you didnt move back in, I couldnt cope with a screaming baby', despite knowing we were already struggling, and when I had the miscarriage, 'oh crisis averted'. Not once did she offer any help.

And yet you call her your best friend?:eek: