Afraid of driving. Help?

madhatter_1

Thanks Lister and everyone else.

I do sometimes do the commentary thing, and will consciouly make myself do this more, to help with anticipation.

Any hints on reversing around the corner and parking in car parks, and parallel parking, as that is another hate.

I will have to re-take the works driving test, and this will include reversing around the corner in a people carrier type car, so not my own vehicle, which makes it worse.

I am absolutely dreading tomorrow if it snows badly. On Monday with the snow, I got myself so worked up with the anticipation of it all, but it was okay. I was glad to get out of the car.

I guess I need to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

Thanks everyone for listening to me.

angelil

So here we are folks...5 months on and things have not much improved. The good news is that I'm now on a different instructor from the driving school and have not cried in the car with him at all so far He is incredibly relaxed and tends to play music in the car which I think helps me.

However, I've had a big setback recently On Saturday he wasn't available and so I had a mock exam with the only other instructor from the school that's never taught me before. Suffice it to say it went terribly (didn't crash though!). I often found her instructions confusing and felt like she always wanted me to drive right up the !!!! of the speed limit (surely it's a maximum, not a minimum, and if I want to do 75 in an 80 zone I can do?!). Nearly cried in the car for the first time in ages and just feel now like the clock has been turned back months. Got another lesson tomorrow (only time they could fit me in between Saturday and now) and just hoping it will be OK. Unfortunately I have also noticed that the lump sum initially paid to the driving school includes the price of 2 practical tests, not just one - so it looks like I am really tied in with them for the foreseeable future. I had really hoped to take my first test at the end of August but feel like this is nowhere close to happening now Soon I will have had a year's worth of driving lessons with these guys and just don't feel that I've progressed as much as I ought.

As per the list below from January:

angelil wrote: »

Things I will be trying in the immediate future that seem most feasible at present:

• Self-confidence CD/DVD (perhaps Paul McKenna)
• Visualizing scarier situations on a regular basis and imagining myself handling them well
• Practising with hazard perception clips online
• Speak to doctor regarding coordination problems
  
• Hypnosis
  
• Possibly changing driving schools
• Possibly learning in an automatic instead (last resort though I think as I would really like to pass in a manual)

Any other suggestions always welcome

I looked into changing driving schools, but the administrative fee for doing so is €100 Same applies to learning in an automatic as my current driving school doesn't have them. Once I am free of this driving school, though, I have considered going to the south of France (where my aunt and uncle live) for one week and just doing an intensive driving course there. They already seem to think I might find it easier to learn/pass in this area of the country.

Bought 2 Paul McKenna books with CDs but just don't seem motivated enough to use them. No problem reading the books but they don't seem to help on their own and I find it difficult to use the CDs regularly. He uses similar visualization techniques as those mentioned on this thread. Haven't found they've worked for me but again haven't really been working at it regularly. Must try harder!

Spoke to doctor but he only prescribed more homeopathic remedies which haven't worked. Could go back again regarding hypnosis perhaps?

Haven't tried practising with hazard perception clips online yet though - forgot that I would try to do this. That could help.

Any other suggestions as always would be gratefully received. I really still feel like I am not 'at one' with the car, have little perception of whereI am in it and how well I am positioned on the road, and often just feel like I am very vulnerable and just rattling around in the car (and it's not a massive thing either - just a Peugeot 208).

Loz01

I dont have many suggestions that people havent already thrown out, but good luck and remember you're not alone!!

I used to DREAD driving lessons and as for my driving test :eek: I was like a wreck! Failed the first one (not my fault ) then quickly realised there's no point being THAT nervous as its only gonna go on way or another and I might as well get the hell on with it.

If its any consolation I used to have phobias of everything when I started driving - people driving behind me (yes really), roundabouts, merging onto parkways... :cool:

ValHaller

lister wrote: »

As a UK ADI, hopefully I can add a little that may be helpful, although it is difficult without actually seeing the OP in a driving situation to be certain of what is happening.

angelil wrote: »

However, I've had a big setback recently On Saturday he wasn't available and so I had a mock exam with the only other instructor from the school that's never taught me before. Suffice it to say it went terribly (didn't crash though!). I often found her instructions confusing and felt like she always wanted me to drive right up the !!!! of the speed limit (surely it's a maximum, not a minimum, and if I want to do 75 in an 80 zone I can do?!). Nearly cried in the car for the first time in ages and just feel now like the clock has been turned back months.

You have probably been driving long enough that you should be able to cope with a mock test - however, I think that the instructor may have been trying to break you. I would refer you to the post below which I have not quoted in full

lister wrote: »

As a UK ADI, hopefully I can add a little that may be helpful, although it is difficult without actually seeing the OP in a driving situation to be certain of what is happening.

To amplify the point, if the car is stationary, you are in complete control, it is when you start moving that it becomes more difficult. If you keep the speed down, you will reduce the amount of work you have to cope with mentally. One of the 'higher skills' is having a strategic overview of what is coming from where and controlling when you have to deal with it. Once you have the hang of it, it is not too difficult to go at or near the speed limit and reduce speed to deal with situations accordingly.

I would suggest you need some 2 hour sessions in open country taking lots of junctions - you are probably trying to cope with too much.

If you are learning in a busy urban situation, there is probably too much going on for you to develop those skills.

Mrs_Imp

angelil wrote: »

just a Peugeot 208

I hate driving those things. Maybe it's the wrong car for you too?

aileth

I started when I was 17 with an instructor who regularly turned up hungover, with bruises and cuts from where he'd been fighting 'in da club' the night before. I hated the car too. I learnt nothing, so lost confidence and gave up.

When my sister passed a few years later first time, not to be outdone I went with lessons with the woman she passed with. She was expensive but bloody hell she was amazing, I loved the car too. I passed first time when I was 21.

Now I've moved city and I haven't driven for a year. I hate driving here. Everyone is incredibly aggressive, rude and if you go the speedlimit you will be permanently tailgated and intimidated. City really has a lot to do with it as well, and I'm going to myself have to get some courage to take to the wheel again as I don't want to forget. Good luck!

artichoke

hi all

Sorry to but in on this thread but I have found it really useful to read it.

I do have a driving licence but it took me years to get it and i only drove for about 3 months after getting my licence. I have now not driven for years..

I need to get driving again as it is limiting my work choices, and also my DH gets fed up as he has to drive everywhere and not driving means i can't take the kids out places.

Can someone post a link to the best hypnotherpahy CD's / relaxation CD's that are specifically for driving?

I have close family who were killed in a road accident and so I am very frightened of cars. I think i am an ok driver (or i used to be) but i know others are idiots and i can't stop worrying when i am driving.

So does anyone have any advice for how to increase confidence for driving when you do have a licence but don't drive at all? I have not driven for 7 years now.
I have set a goal for myself to get driving locally again (and then will build up to driving on motorways later) but everytime DH says he will sit with me to get my confidence back i just panic and make some excuse.
art

ValHaller

artichoke wrote: »

So does anyone have any advice for how to increase confidence for driving when you do have a licence but don't drive at all? I have not driven for 7 years now.
I have set a goal for myself to get driving locally again (and then will build up to driving on motorways later) but everytime DH says he will sit with me to get my confidence back i just panic and make some excuse.
art

Find some quiet time and drive on your own.

artichoke

ValHaller wrote: »

Find some quiet time and drive on your own.

thanks but i am scared to even get the car off the drive on my own... i am thinking that if DH drives the car somewhere quiet and then i take over the driving to drive back that might work but i always find an reasone why i can't do it, ie i'm tired, have the wrong shoes on for driving etc...

I was wondering if the hypnotism driving CD's might give me more confidence....

I am a confident person in the work life, so most people would be shocked to hear i am scared to drive...

art

Errata

I'm sure it's this. I have quite high standards for myself so am sure I put myself under quite a lot of pressure. How to fix it though is the question...!

This just jumped out at me. You don't have to be a perfect driver, just a good enough one. If you feel you're driving should be perfect, I think all your panicking and flapping is your way of self-sabotaging to ensure your driving ability will never be tested and nobody can tell you your ability is not perfect and nobody will see that you're not as smart as they think you are.
Just a thought and I may be way off the mark.