Afraid of driving. Help?

jackyann

I have known a few people in this situation, and I was a very nervous driver.
I would consider:
How important is it to drive? For some it is essential, for others, less so. I have friends who simply spent "car money" on other forms of transport (but they weren't in my village!)
Automatic
Intensive driving course - preferably residential (usually a week) - sounds extreme, but I have known it work in very difficult cases! People with co-ordination problems often benefit from repeated practice without other distractions.
Are other things OK in your life at the moment? If you are under a lot of pressure, maybe step back from driving for awhile, and try again at a better time.

Wellyboots6

I used to be the same, but with swimming lessons!

I got over it by lying in bed at night when I was very relaxed and visualizing swimming, and being really good at it.

I then moved on to going and holding on to the side at the pool and visualizing being able to swim really well. I eventually was calm enough that I could try putting in to practice what I had done in my head

Could you try something similar?

Going and sitting in a stationary car, put some relaxing music on to the CD player and just sitting for a while with your eyes closed imagining that you can drive.

I would do this quite regularly so that you become comfortable being in the car and find it relaxing.

You could even visualize someone stepping out in front of you while you are driving, then mentally slow it down and think through how you would react, step by step, very calmly. Then think through it again, this time touching the bits in the car you would use e.g. mirror, brake pedal, steering wheel etc.

Always keep it very calm, and turn the car in to a place you relax in

pollypenny

An interesting thread. I have become a very, very nervous passenger , let alone driver, on busy roads.

Having past my test at 21' I buzzed around with no problem for years. I think it's only having a mile trip to work for 20 years has got me out of the habit.

I find having to infiltrate a busy busy road terrifying and am avoiding journeys whic mean I have to to that.

Judith_W

Katy's suggestion of visualising sounds like a really good idea. It sounds to me like the car has become an anxiety trigger and you need to get used to being calm in the space.

angelil

Thanks for all your replies since my last visit.

coolcait wrote: »

But, you're still learning! So, you will make more mistakes at this stage.

Yes - but I feel like I should be better by now after 2 x 6 months of lessons in England plus 3 months of lessons in France, so I really feel totally inadequate.

If you're taking driving lessons in France, and have already passed a theory test, I'll take a guess that you speak French pretty well? Maybe to the extent that you don't even have to think about the basic, everyday stuff? If so, think back to when you were first learning the language. All the way back - to when you might even have mixed up 'bon jour', 'bon apres-midi', 'bon soir' and 'bonne nuit'. Never mind all the different verb tenses, and don't even talk about the subjunctive! :eek:

I've been living in France for four and a half years (plus hubby and inlaws are French), so yes, I suppose my skills are alright BUT I've been learning the language since I was quite young so don't remember struggling too much (although I'm not dead fluent now and still struggle from time to time...and remember a time when I was about 11 and even basic translations used to make my head hurt!). So not sure the analogy 'translates' exactly (groan!!) but I do get what you mean.

So, don't beat yourself up about the mistakes; they happen. With a bit of practice, you'll find that you don't have to think about things so much, which helps cut down on mistakes. Pretty soon, you might find that your driving is at 'advanced social conversation' level, and moving forward all the time...;) I hope so. But, in the meantime, try to be a little less hard on yourself. Learning to drive in another country, with different rules, and in a second language is quite a challenge!

I'm sure it's this. I have quite high standards for myself so am sure I put myself under quite a lot of pressure. How to fix it though is the question...!

suki1964 wrote: »

If it helps any I was 42 before I learned to drive

No way on earth could I get to grips with it in London so gave it up as a bad idea. Moved to NI where the roads are long and empty, I passed my test first time

Yes I had tears and fears and it took a year, but I had a great instructor, when things felt too much and I wanted to cancel, he would go back over stuff I was really comfortable with till my confidence was back before we moved on

Yes it cost a lot but well worth being able to go my own pace

Thanks Suki - it's great to know that other people have had the same experience and overcome it. I think my instructors are trying to do the same thing as one of them keeps doing parallel parking with me (which I can do OK).

jackyann wrote: »

I have known a few people in this situation, and I was a very nervous driver.
I would consider:
How important is it to drive? For some it is essential, for others, less so. I have friends who simply spent "car money" on other forms of transport (but they weren't in my village!)
Automatic
Intensive driving course - preferably residential (usually a week) - sounds extreme, but I have known it work in very difficult cases! People with co-ordination problems often benefit from repeated practice without other distractions.
Are other things OK in your life at the moment? If you are under a lot of pressure, maybe step back from driving for awhile, and try again at a better time.

It isn't essential at the moment but we don't plan on staying where we are now forever and know we may not always have such a good public transport network that we can rely on. I'd also like to be able to help my husband by sharing the long journey to my inlaws/to England etc. I'd like to learn in an automatic perhaps, but this would involve a change of driving school, plus (once passed) the inability to drive my husband's car (a manual VW) - and parking is too bad here to consider taking on a second car. The problem with a residential course is that our local one is totally out of the way/inconvenient - you'd have to drive there! (OH THE IRONY!) Other things in my life are fine - long commute tires me, but that's the case for lots of people.

katy721 wrote: »

I used to be the same, but with swimming lessons!

I got over it by lying in bed at night when I was very relaxed and visualizing swimming, and being really good at it.

I then moved on to going and holding on to the side at the pool and visualizing being able to swim really well. I eventually was calm enough that I could try putting in to practice what I had done in my head

Could you try something similar?

Going and sitting in a stationary car, put some relaxing music on to the CD player and just sitting for a while with your eyes closed imagining that you can drive.

I would do this quite regularly so that you become comfortable being in the car and find it relaxing.

You could even visualize someone stepping out in front of you while you are driving, then mentally slow it down and think through how you would react, step by step, very calmly. Then think through it again, this time touching the bits in the car you would use e.g. mirror, brake pedal, steering wheel etc.

Always keep it very calm, and turn the car in to a place you relax in

Thanks for your suggestions. I already feel completely relaxed in cars in every other situation though so don't understand why I completely change once behind the wheel. I will try the other visualization techniques though (e.g. trying to imagine particularly challenging situations).

suki1964

i think also you are putting a lot of pressure on your self

I did as well


My instructor was on me to take my test after about 4 months. I was horrified :eek:

But there's a big difference between being comfortable and confident driving and passing a test


Passing a test is really just that,learning a few manoeuvres that teach you clutch and speed control, and learning a test route

You don't actually learn to drive until you pass the test and get out there

Here in NI we have R plates, means we can't go above 45 mph and every other driver out there gives us a wide birth

We have them for a year. I remember saying ill got get rid of mine as 45 mph is fast enough for anyone

Soon changed as I grew more confidence

And today , 6 years later, i drive 20k a year, know my way around the Provence like a local and really appreciate the freedom driving allows me

Take your time. Do it in steps you can control. Don't think of a time frame, just plan on making lessons as good for you as you can. If that means a 10 min breather, so what? Hell I used to stop the car at the post office or shop and do my messages lol


Good luck xxx

Mrs_Imp

I persevered because I was stubborn and didn't want to admit defeat! I also began to realise that when I was in the car with the instructor we weren't likely to crash, no matter how stupidly I was driving, because he had dual controls, and could easily reach over and grab the wheel.

I use breathing techniques for blood tests now (not exactly the same I know). I used to get myself all worked up about the blood test and I start to panic before we were even at the Drs. The breathing techniques have helped me to get over the pre-test panic.

As others have said, you need to start seeing the car as a relaxing place, and not as a place to panic. You've probably got into the habit of panicking at the wheel, and you need to break the habit.

Can you speak to your instructor and ask him for a lesson or two where you don't necessarily go very far, but where you do stuf to help you relax - eg play some silly games, put your favourite music on, eat cake.

angelil

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I persevered because I was stubborn and didn't want to admit defeat! I also began to realise that when I was in the car with the instructor we weren't likely to crash, no matter how stupidly I was driving, because he had dual controls, and could easily reach over and grab the wheel.

I use breathing techniques for blood tests now (not exactly the same I know). I used to get myself all worked up about the blood test and I start to panic before we were even at the Drs. The breathing techniques have helped me to get over the pre-test panic.

As others have said, you need to start seeing the car as a relaxing place, and not as a place to panic. You've probably got into the habit of panicking at the wheel, and you need to break the habit.

Can you speak to your instructor and ask him for a lesson or two where you don't necessarily go very far, but where you do stuf to help you relax - eg play some silly games, put your favourite music on, eat cake.

I'm sure it's habit-forming and my instructors have already recognised this.

It's really interesting that you mention blood tests as I used to be really freaked out about those as well. Funny how the two go hand in hand!!

So, to summarize!

Things I will be trying in the immediate future that seem most feasible at present:

• Self-confidence CD/DVD (perhaps Paul McKenna)
• Visualizing scarier situations on a regular basis and imagining myself handling them well
• Practising with hazard perception clips online
• Speak to doctor regarding coordination problems
  
• Hypnosis
  
• Possibly changing driving schools
• Possibly learning in an automatic instead (last resort though I think as I would really like to pass in a manual)

Any other suggestions always welcome

mgdavid

angelil wrote: »

......... I had a driving test, which I failed about as badly as it's possible to fail without crashing (18 faults IIRC). Coordination and managing abstract vs practical situations have been big problems for me since childhood (to the point that it's in my medical notes) and unfortunately it seems that these difficulties have followed me into adulthood (and particularly into driving).............

some people just do not have the right abilities to become a safe driver; at some point you may have to balance your 'need' to drive with the risk of being involved in an accident and injuring or killing yourself or somebody else.

Having said that, there was an article on overcoming fear of driving in last Saturday's Telegraph motoring section - it can be done.

angelil

mgdavid wrote: »

some people just do not have the right abilities to become a safe driver; at some point you may have to balance your 'need' to drive with the risk of being involved in an accident and injuring or killing yourself or somebody else.

I agree there. Hoping though to try all avenues before it comes to that.

Having said that, there was an article on overcoming fear of driving in last Saturday's Telegraph motoring section - it can be done.

Do you have a link to this article online? I have just had a look round their motoring section on their website but haven't spotted it yet.