Afraid of driving. Help?

angelil

DCFC79 wrote: »

Have you told your instructors your feelings about driving.Wish you luck in your quest.

meritaten wrote: »

perhaps you are not comfortable with driving in France? its contrary to how you 'remember' driving?
have you been a passenger in a car in France much? it can be scary sitting on the 'Wrong' side of the car I know!
I have a driving phobia - I have started and stopped lessons many times as it just gets too overwhelming for me and I panic - even to the point of physical sickness. So, I do sympathise!
but, you are much younger than me and I would urge you to try to get over this.
try and work out what it is that has you so panicked! Once you can identify it you can deal with it!

My instructors do know my feelings about driving, yes (they sort of worked it out thanks to the crying-in-the-car thing ).

Out of interest meritaten did you ever pass your test in the end?

I have been a passenger in a car in France for many hours ever since being a child (my parents often took us on camping holidays in France and we sometimes drove further as well, like to Italy. Plus, these days, the drive to my in-laws' house is 8 hours by itself). So this isn't really an issue. I actually enjoy being a passenger and feel very capable of observing well in that situation (I try to practice my observational skills as a passenger in the hope of improving them as a driver...doesn't seem to be working well though ).

Keep the suggestions coming folks

angelil

gibson123 wrote: »

I agree with hypnosis, I was petrified of flying and had 3 sessions about 15 years ago, I have never looked back and love flying now.

I have never tried hypnosis before but at this point I would try anything. Don't know what it costs in France though.

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Would you consider a crash course sorry for the obvious pun

Seriously though, I think the problem is that you aren't spending enough consistent time in the car. I used to go to a local industrial estate on a sunday and potter about on my own (illegal I know but genuinely not a soul about and it was just behind my house). This gave me a good feel for the car in a much less pressured environment. Similarly the first time it snowed when I was learning my brother came with me to the estate and got me to skid around a bit till I sort of got a feel for it. Familiarity breeds comfort I think.

But I did also use Paul McKenna's self confidence dvd since I was so nervous about the test. Failed first time but passed second time around

Give yourself a break. Try to find ways to make it easier. You could also consider starting again in the summer when it's light and the traffic isn't so busy, but put money aside now so you can do several lessons a week.

Don't give up, you can do it.

Also rescue remedy really helps in these situations....

I would be willing to try the self-confidence DVD. I fear that taking a break would make things worse, ironically (even though in some ways I think things can't get much worse...).

Money isn't an issue for the frequency of lessons; time is (I leave for work at 7.20 and three nights a week I don't get in until 7pm when the driving school is closed).

I have tried Rescue Remedy pastilles and other Bach Flower Remedies (my aunt is a Bach Flowers consultant) but found they helped with all my other issues EXCEPT the driving

As for crash course, our local one takes place in a town that isn't served by public transport. HOW IRONIC.

avogadro wrote: »

Drivers in Paris are notoriously aggressive and impatient. Nobody, even the French, likes driving in Paris! Could you try driving in a less stressful location? Do they have car-dromes over there? Or you could just try and drive a little way in a field or an open space (as long as someone who can drive is in the car with you).

Hopefully perseverance will pay off and you will be able to drive, but if there are actual medical reasons like the ones you have mentioned, about the co-ordination problems, it might be worth running this past a doctor?

Don't forget, too, that you are learning everything the 'other way round' to what you were used to here in the UK, - driver seat on the other side, doing the gears with your right hand, going round the roundabouts the other way, etc. Give yourself a bit of time, it will take some getting used to.

I don't drive in Paris (yet!); I live just outside the city, so tend to drive in the western suburbs. So that's something at least.

I also can't go driving with my husband for extra practice as you are not allowed to do this in France without registering with their AAC scheme, which you need to be on for two years before the driving school will let you take a test. For me, that seems to be too long as I would love to get this done sooner.

I haven't mentioned my coordination problems to the doctor yet, but maybe I should (hey, if I'm paying nearly €30 for a consultation I may as well get value for money and ask about hypnosis at the same time ).

Mrs_Imp

When I learned how to drive I was terrified of everything in and out of the car and I'd often finish my lesson a nervous wreck and sweating from the fear.

That was nearly 15 years ago, and I'm well over most of my fears now (still hate night-time driving, but that's another story).

So there is hope for you. I would say persevere. Get some daylight driving hours in, and learn some relaxation techniques.

meritaten

sorry hun - but no - I have never mustered up the courage/confidence to take the driving test. even tho every time OH has a new car I go 'can I have a go'?
I am ok in deserted car parks! on the road I go to peices!

purcel

I would say try and figure it out what exactly are you afraid of? Is is the traffic? Is it the visibility? Maybe try weekend daytime lessons?

I know that traffic near Paris is a nightmare and having passed my driving licence in Creteil I remember dreading going on my own afterwards... Also the instructor you have may not be very helpful, my first instructor was shouting at me at every mistake I was making, making me feel very insecure and not very confident. It did took me 2 other instructors and about 50 hours lessons and 3 tries but I've got it in the end! So persevere, try to relax( I know it's easy to say it), maybe change the driving school after your current hours finish( yes i know it takes time) but you'll get there in the end, I'm sure! Good luck!

angelil

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I would say persevere. Get some daylight driving hours in, and learn some relaxation techniques.

Is this how you managed to get over it yourself?

I would really love to have a driving licence by the end of 2013 but at the moment I feel like there's just no end to the stress and fear of the lessons. I have already bought 3 self-help books for my Kindle (of which at least one was specifically to do with driving) and have read them all cover to cover. While I recognise that they all contain perfectly sensible and sometimes even comforting advice, I seem to forget it all when I am driving. Perhaps some CDs would be better?

The annoying thing is that I never get nervous or panicky in the run-up to the lesson. I can get through a whole working day and even my journey home/to the lesson feeling perfectly fine even when I do think about the lesson. It's just when I get in the car that I start feeling like c**p. And I could understand me crying if I'd had a crash or a near-miss or something but nothing that bad ever happens. I just turn into a complete muddle, seeming to not be able to change gear properly, missing vital signs etc. Sooooo frustrating

purcel wrote: »

I would say try and figure it out what exactly are you afraid of? Is is the traffic? Is it the visibility? Maybe try weekend daytime lessons?

I know that traffic near Paris is a nightmare and having passed my driving licence in Creteil I remember dreading going on my own afterwards... Also the instructor you have may not be very helpful, my first instructor was shouting at me at every mistake I was making, making me feel very insecure and not very confident. It did took me 2 other instructors and about 50 hours lessons and 3 tries but I've got it in the end! So persevere, try to relax( I know it's easy to say it), maybe change the driving school after your current hours finish( yes i know it takes time) but you'll get there in the end, I'm sure! Good luck!

I think it's mainly the traffic. I've actually ironically had quite good lessons in the past (in France!) in the dark and rain. People just seem to come at me incredibly fast and incredibly close, and pedestrians here have a real habit of stepping straight out in front of you without looking too. Plus there are wacky French things that I'm sure you are aware of (like the priorit! à droite, which doesn't exist in England....). Le sigh.

WolfSong2000

Ever since I was a child I had nightmares relating to driving cars - wasn't until I was 25 that I finally passed my test, and that was after multiple attempts in an automatic! I also have issues with judgement (especially distance) and coordination which made things difficult for me for a long time. One thing that really helped me was buying a lavendar spray which I sprayed in the car - really helped me keep calm until I became more confident.

I think having a positive mindset is really important, as is not "overtthinking" things...you may want to get one of those theory test practice CD's with the clips for hazard perception and run through those...they are surprisingly helpful - or were to me. Just so you get a feel for potential hazards, visibility, etc.

meritaten

I do urge you to persevere angelil! I wish I had! it really annoys me there is a perfectly good car outside the house and I have to either walk or catch a bus!
I understand exactly what you mean by traffic and pedestrians! my OH kept saying to me 'never mind them......just concentrate on YOUR driving'! but, I couldnt, I kept envisaging hitting other cars, other cars etc hitting me or even worse me hitting a pedestrian - and I know now its crazy! my foot was ever ready to hit the brake and I never went fast enough to do much damage!
Perhaps it this you need to work on? as I remember, Paris pedestrians are past masters at dodging traffic! and although they are nutters most Parisian drivers are really good at braking! and a few dings in the bodywork dont faze them!

coolcait

angelil wrote: »

.... I just turn into a complete muddle, seeming to not be able to change gear properly, missing vital signs etc. Sooooo frustrating ..
.

But, you're still learning! So, you will make more mistakes at this stage.

If you're taking driving lessons in France, and have already passed a theory test, I'll take a guess that you speak French pretty well? Maybe to the extent that you don't even have to think about the basic, everyday stuff?

If so, think back to when you were first learning the language. All the way back - to when you might even have mixed up 'bon jour', 'bon apres-midi', 'bon soir' and 'bonne nuit'. Never mind all the different verb tenses, and don't even talk about the subjunctive! :eek:

That's the stage you are at with driving at the moment.

So, don't beat yourself up about the mistakes; they happen. With a bit of practice, you'll find that you don't have to think about things so much, which helps cut down on mistakes.

Pretty soon, you might find that your driving is at 'advanced social conversation' level, and moving forward all the time...;)

I hope so. But, in the meantime, try to be a little less hard on yourself. Learning to drive in another country, with different rules, and in a second language is quite a challenge!

suki1964

If it helps any I was 42 before I learned to drive

No way on earth could I get to grips with it in London so gave it up as a bad idea. Moved to NI where the roads are long and empty, I passed my test first time

Yes I had tears and fears and it took a year, but I had a great instructor, when things felt too much and I wanted to cancel, he would go back over stuff I was really comfortable with till my confidence was back before we moved on

Yes it cost a lot but well worth being able to go my own pace