Afraid of driving. Help?

kassi

I also struggled with a fear of driving! I learnt to drive when I was 40 and it was the best thing I ever did.
I struggled through the lessons, dreading each one but I had a great instructor and we joked and laughed during the lessons which I think helped to calm me down. I passed first time...god knows how :rotfl:
I never thought I would drive but 6 years later driving is part of my job...I still have issues with night driving and haven't been on many motorways but that's fine, I do what I'm comfortable with.
I think just take each lesson as it comes...don't look at the bigger picture and laugh/joke when you make a mistake...we all do and I still do! Good luck

Mrs_Optimist

OP I can totallly empathise. I have driven for nearly 20 years but don't (nor have I ever) non the motorway, hate driving at night and if I am unsure of the roads etc just don't drive. It is ridiculous as I am a safe driver, have never had an accident - but it is the other prats on the road that worry me. I have worked for Solicitors who deal with road traffic accident claims, and believe me, when you see the photographs of the injuries sustained, the number of fatalities we have had to deal with (on behalf of the deceased's dependants) you realise that driving can actually be dangerous. I don't have any answers for you as I suffer myself but if you were able to find a counsellor that specialises in supporting Road Users (we have one local to us, so you may be lucky with your area) I would recommend you try that as it works for people who suffer from PTSD as a result of accidents.

I wish you luck x

angelil

kassi wrote: »

I also struggled with a fear of driving! I learnt to drive when I was 40 and it was the best thing I ever did.
I struggled through the lessons, dreading each one but I had a great instructor and we joked and laughed during the lessons which I think helped to calm me down. I passed first time...god knows how :rotfl:
I never thought I would drive but 6 years later driving is part of my job...I still have issues with night driving and haven't been on many motorways but that's fine, I do what I'm comfortable with.
I think just take each lesson as it comes...don't look at the bigger picture and laugh/joke when you make a mistake...we all do and I still do! Good luck

Thanks for your encouraging words

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

OP I can totallly empathise. I have driven for nearly 20 years but don't (nor have I ever) non the motorway, hate driving at night and if I am unsure of the roads etc just don't drive. It is ridiculous as I am a safe driver, have never had an accident - but it is the other prats on the road that worry me. I have worked for Solicitors who deal with road traffic accident claims, and believe me, when you see the photographs of the injuries sustained, the number of fatalities we have had to deal with (on behalf of the deceased's dependants) you realise that driving can actually be dangerous. I don't have any answers for you as I suffer myself but if you were able to find a counsellor that specialises in supporting Road Users (we have one local to us, so you may be lucky with your area) I would recommend you try that as it works for people who suffer from PTSD as a result of accidents.

I wish you luck x

Thank you. I will be mentioning my difficulties to my doctors and seeing what they recommend - whether hypnosis, counselling, medication, or something in between. This being France they rarely send you away with a flea in your ear

belfastgirl23

I actually love motorway driving - you can just tuck yourself into the slow lane and go at your own speed! My pet hate is parking, though it is really nuts where I live so I have good reason for that

alias*alibi

I have an irrational fear that I'm going to knock someone over in the car and kill them; coupled with snow on the roads I'm a complete jibbering wreck; full on panic attack and feel physically ill. As you can imagine; the weather forecast for the next few days is sending me in to a tailspin. Actually I'm quite car phobic; I panic I'm going to break down or wreck the car (overheating) all the time as I've had bad luck with certain cars and damn head gaskets going; so I've always got one eye on the road and one eye on the temp gauge.

I'm on antidepressant's for anxiety. I know it's mind over matter but its hard so you have my full sympathy x

PS; I actually enjoy driving; quite competent and touch wood, never been in an accident that I've caused...just a really weird irrational fear that I have. I've got back home after one 'episode' due to weather conditions and sunk in a jibbering crying heap. Odd I know!!

mgdavid

angelil wrote: »

........

Do you have a link to this article online? I have just had a look round their motoring section on their website but haven't spotted it yet.

sorry I'm not registered online and the website is a nightmare to navigate if you want anything older than today... it was Saturday 5th Jan.

You could ask over in the Motoring section on here.... probably where this belongs anyway.

katgirlie

Okay, I haven't read all thr replies so I apologise if I'm not bringing anything new to the party here but I completely understand how you feel.

Indulge me for a bit, and I'll tell you what happened to me. I started having driving lessons at 18, then stopped when I went to uni (too expensive, unfamiliar city, no car to practise in between lessons etc.). Eventually I started having lessons again a few years later. Initially I was okay, then I failed a test. Then I failed another test. Then I thought I had passed the test!! Until the examiner told me I'd failed. That was it, my confidence was COMPLETELY shattered. I would have full-on panic attacks, shaking, crying, feeling (on the odd occasion actually being) sick, you get the idea. It caused big problems between me and my (then) boyfriend, who thought I was completely ridiculous. I stopped having lessons and tried to avoid driving all together (making excuses when my boyfriend tried to make me practise etc). It wasn't the practical skills (I'd had about 18 months of lessons by this point so knew where the gears were etc), it was more putting everything together with reading the road, other (idiot) drivers, and my own confidence.

I spoke to my GP, who referred me to a counsellor but advised it would be about a 12-18 month wait for an appointment. I tried a hypnotherapist, but I found him a bit creepy and didn't go back.

Eventually it became apparent that if I wanted to pursue my chosen career, driving would be essential. In a moment of madness I booked a practical test for the week before my theory test was going to run out (about a year in advance) and put it completely out of my head.

About a week before the test (which I had totally forgotten about) the reminder I'd set in my phone's diary told me it was approaching. I felt absolutely no better at all about driving - probably even worse as I hadn't been behind the wheel in all that time. Part of me wanted to just ignore it and not do the test, but I was a skint student (again) and the thought of wasting £76 (or whatever it was) was too much!! So, what to do??

I went back to my GP who prescribed beta-blockers for the day of the test (although I didn't actually take them in the end) and I bought some Bach's Rescue Remedy. I will add here that I am REALLY not one for 'alternative therapy' etc so this was a real act of desperation! I went to the test, and knew there was absolutely no way I'd pass but maybe it would kickstart me into more lessons. Force my hand, that sort of idea.

Well, blow me down, I only blooming passed, didn't I!! I still had the shakes, the nausea, the hot and cold sweats, the prickling of tears in my eyes, but I had done it. Looking back I genuinely don't know how.

However, this didn't really solve the problem. I continued to HATE driving, and would only do it if I really had to, and if nobody else was in the car.

Shortly afterwards, my (then) boyfriend and I split up. This meant I had no choice. I had to drive 20 miles to and from my new job, drive around the city, drive friends hither and thither. But little by little, the fear went away. Driving on my own, knowning that nobody was scrutinising my every tiny movement, was the biggest help. I firmly believe that you don't really learn to drive until you've passed your test and you're out there on your own.

So, what is my advice? You've had months of lessons, so you know the basic skills. You've driven in at least two different countries with different highway codes, sides of the road, road signs etc. You have the individual components that mean you can do it. You need to become really comfortable in the car - go somewhere quiet for the day - maybe a quiet town you know really well so there are no surprise one way streets or dead ends! Get comfortable physically sitting in the car - I used to ache so much after an hour's lesson as I was so physically tensed - my thighs and shoulders would be burning for at least 2 days! Just drive. But don't think that you have to be absolutely perfect to pass your test. If you've got the skills, you WILL be able to do it, and the experience comes later. There's no magic answer here, it will just take time.

I don't know if this will help, and I'm really sorry it's such an epic. To be honest I don't know if it would have helped me at the time. But, 6 years later, I think I'm actually a pretty good driver, and I even quite enjoy it.

Good luck.

angelil

Thanks for your epic contribution to this discussion Here are my responses to your reply:

katgirlie wrote: »

It wasn't the practical skills (I'd had about 18 months of lessons by this point so knew where the gears were etc), it was more putting everything together with reading the road, other (idiot) drivers, and my own confidence.

Yep, this is totally me. Luckily for me though my husband is supportive

Eventually it became apparent that if I wanted to pursue my chosen career, driving would be essential. In a moment of madness I booked a practical test for the week before my theory test was going to run out (about a year in advance) and put it completely out of my head.

Would do this if I could...not sure it's allowed in France however Really want to just get it over and done with and forget it.

But little by little, the fear went away. Driving on my own, knowning that nobody was scrutinising my every tiny movement, was the biggest help. I firmly believe that you don't really learn to drive until you've passed your test and you're out there on your own.

I've had lots of people say this to me, so know it must be true

You need to become really comfortable in the car - go somewhere quiet for the day - maybe a quiet town you know really well so there are no surprise one way streets or dead ends! Get comfortable physically sitting in the car - I used to ache so much after an hour's lesson as I was so physically tensed - my thighs and shoulders would be burning for at least 2 days! Just drive.

Sadly I can't go for practices outside my lessons as this is not allowed in France (unless I sign up for the AAC scheme...which you have to be on for two years...and I want it to be done before then). However, I definitely hear you regarding the physical tension; my legs often ache after a driving lesson.

But don't think that you have to be absolutely perfect to pass your test.

This is what my instructor said also...apparently parking about a foot from the kerb is OK in France

Thanks so much for all your advice It's great in a perverse sort of way to know that others have been there and got the T-shirt before me

katgirlie

I'm glad you've found some encouragement in my post! I have to say, having been to Paris I can quite understand why you wouldn't want to drive there!

The only other thing I can think to add, is that I ultimately took my final test in my own car (as I was no longer having lessons at this point). Maybe this helped - I was more comfortable, and whilst I didn't have the security of him covering the pedals if I needed it, it also meant he couldn't see if I was riding the clutch a little too long!! I don't know if that's an option in France, but it's worth suggesting.

Would it be feasible to take an intensive (maybe even residential) course in the UK if that's where you've done most of your lessons? Then when you'd passed you'd know you could do it, then you could get out an about on your own in France. It sounds like it's the lessons themselves stressing you out as much as anything else.

angelil

katgirlie wrote: »

I'm glad you've found some encouragement in my post! I have to say, having been to Paris I can quite understand why you wouldn't want to drive there!

The only other thing I can think to add, is that I ultimately took my final test in my own car (as I was no longer having lessons at this point). Maybe this helped - I was more comfortable, and whilst I didn't have the security of him covering the pedals if I needed it, it also meant he couldn't see if I was riding the clutch a little too long!! I don't know if that's an option in France, but it's worth suggesting.

Would it be feasible to take an intensive (maybe even residential) course in the UK if that's where you've done most of your lessons? Then when you'd passed you'd know you could do it, then you could get out an about on your own in France. It sounds like it's the lessons themselves stressing you out as much as anything else.

Not sure if I can take the test in my own car, but could look into this (although I've never actually driven my own car! I co-own it with my husband but so far have never driven it as I'm not insured).

Have definitely considered a residential/intensive course in the UK, but there are specific rules to French driving which it's also important to cope with, so trying to weigh it up against that really.