Afraid of driving. Help?

angelil

Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

Basically I have a real fear of driving and NEED to get over it. I just wanted to post here to see if anyone had had the same experience as me and even get some advice on overcoming the fear.

I had six months of driving lessons while I still lived in England, in 2007, during which time I got my theory test with no difficulty. I then had six months off (I changed universities and before I knew it six months had gone by...) before having another six months of lessons in 2008. At the end of that six months I had a driving test, which I failed about as badly as it's possible to fail without crashing (18 faults IIRC). Coordination and managing abstract vs practical situations have been big problems for me since childhood (to the point that it's in my medical notes) and unfortunately it seems that these difficulties have followed me into adulthood (and particularly into driving).

I then moved to France in 2008 and a series of job and house moves meant I didn't start studying for my driving theory test until 2011. Having already got it in England I assumed it would just be a matter of learning the correct terminology and that I would have my French theory test in a couple of months. Sadly it didn't work out like that as the French theory test is completely different, and for various reasons it took me about 10 months to get my French theory test done. I therefore didn't start practical driving lessons until September 2012 (you can't do the two concurrently in France).

So here we are in January 2013 and things are terrible. I had never had a fear of driving when in England and so it was a complete shock to me to get into the car for my first lesson in France and basically be a gibbering wreck (think shaking and tears). Things have not got too much better since. My skills have barely improved and I still cry in the car sometimes. I feel like I can't always visualise how to do the manoeuvres, it seems like there is so much to do at once (which is silly, since I drove a manual car in England) and like drivers are so much more aggressive here.

I have two lessons a week, but these are always after work, so often at 6pm (and of course at this time of day and year, it's often dark, rainy, busy...). I can't get back early enough the other nights to have lessons more often in the week, and frankly I'm so exhausted by Friday night that I can't bear the thought of having my weekend ruined by yet more lessons.

People have asked me why I don't just give up and try again some other time, but I am already nearly 27, want to have kids, and want to get this down before then. I also want the freedom to live away from a big city should I choose (I live near Paris, so rely completely on public transport in the week, and my husband drives when we go on excursions at the weekend), and do not wish to turn out like my grandmother (who doesn't drive and so is completely reliant on her husband for this, even when he has had a few too many to drink).

PLEASE help me as I cannot go on like this. I am beginning to wonder if I should see a doctor as I feel so bad whenever I get into the car (as a driver...no problems as a passenger). Sorry this is so long but I really hope someone has advice or similar experiences to share. Thanks in advance

19lottie82

How is your instructor? If you're not entirely comfortable / happy it may be worthwhile considering a change. Most schools have instructors that specialise in teaching nervous drivers. It can make a world of difference!

RedBern

Paul McKenna was helping someone on the one show last night who had a phobia of driving. He convinced her that she loved driving in a few minutes. However if you have a problem about perception and coordination, then you're going to struggle to control a car. Have you tried learning in an automatic so there's less to concentrate on?

angelil

Thanks for the replies so far. I sort of have two instructors and they are both nice enough, although the driving school only ever tells me which one I am going to get on the night, which annoys me as I prefer to know things in advance. I'm therefore not sure how much difference a change of driving instructor would make, since I already have two and am the same with both of them.

I asked my driving instructor tonight if he thought I would be better off driving in an automatic, and he said it's a possibility but that I would need to change driving schools to learn in one as this one doesn't have any automatic cars. Changing driving schools is a big faff though as all your paperwork has to be submitted to the prefecture beforehand (no idea why) and my dossier was already rejected once (perhaps because I'm foreign?) before being accepted. So I'd rather wait until this current course of lessons is up (25 hours...I'm about halfway through by the school's reckoning, though I'm not sure they counted properly - but lessons are expensive so I'm keeping schtum for now ) before trying to change schools.

go_cat

Was going to suggest an automatic, someone I know struggled with a manual swapped to automatic and was fine, it was one less thing ( changing gears ) to think about.

Persevere though, it will be worth it in the end

meritaten

perhaps you are not comfortable with driving in France? its contrary to how you 'remember' driving?
have you been a passenger in a car in France much? it can be scary sitting on the 'Wrong' side of the car I know!
I have a driving phobia - I have started and stopped lessons many times as it just gets too overwhelming for me and I panic - even to the point of physical sickness. So, I do sympathise!
but, you are much younger than me and I would urge you to try to get over this.
try and work out what it is that has you so panicked! Once you can identify it you can deal with it!

DCFC79

Have you told your instructors your feelings about driving.Wish you luck in your quest.

busiscoming2

I agree with the previous posters that have mentioned driving an automatic. I have a neighbour that learnt in a manual but found it scary once she passed her test, tried an auto and hasn't looked back.

My DD is the same, she learn't to drive and managed to eventually pass her test. She was fine in the little old Micra we had bought her but when that died she just couldn't get on with the new one. She said she was struggling and has not driven since (because of living abroad and now London), but I have suggested she tries an auto when she 'needs' to drive again.

gibson123

I agree with hypnosis, I was petrified of flying and had 3 sessions about 15 years ago, I have never looked back and love flying now.

belfastgirl23

Would you consider a crash course sorry for the obvious pun

Seriously though, I think the problem is that you aren't spending enough consistent time in the car. I used to go to a local industrial estate on a sunday and potter about on my own (illegal I know but genuinely not a soul about and it was just behind my house). This gave me a good feel for the car in a much less pressured environment. Similarly the first time it snowed when I was learning my brother came with me to the estate and got me to skid around a bit till I sort of got a feel for it. Familiarity breeds comfort I think.

But I did also use Paul McKenna's self confidence dvd since I was so nervous about the test. Failed first time but passed second time around

Give yourself a break. Try to find ways to make it easier. You could also consider starting again in the summer when it's light and the traffic isn't so busy, but put money aside now so you can do several lessons a week.

Don't give up, you can do it.

Also rescue remedy really helps in these situations....

System

Drivers in Paris are notoriously aggressive and impatient. Nobody, even the French, likes driving in Paris! Could you try driving in a less stressful location? Do they have car-dromes over there? Or you could just try and drive a little way in a field or an open space (as long as someone who can drive is in the car with you).

Hopefully perseverance will pay off and you will be able to drive, but if there are actual medical reasons like the ones you have mentioned, about the co-ordination problems, it might be worth running this past a doctor?

Don't forget, too, that you are learning everything the 'other way round' to what you were used to here in the UK, - driver seat on the other side, doing the gears with your right hand, going round the roundabouts the other way, etc. Give yourself a bit of time, it will take some getting used to.