Daughter causing me grief.

bargainbetty

rose28454 wrote: »

Should I then take her key back aswell ?

Personally, I would. I had a flatmate for a couple of years, and things got difficult. He moved out, but very locally, and our friendship was repaired over time and we are very close. However, he didn't give me key back (it was useful having a keyholder nearby too) until the day he phoned me asking if he could borrow some bits for a meal, rather than go to the shops. I explained that I wasn't home, and said that he would have to wait till I got back.

'Don't worry, I'll let myself in and just help myself to what I need.' says he. I told him to sod off and had my key back the next day. No mate, my kitchen is not your private supply cupboard, nor do you tell me you intend to walk in without my consent.

If you have the slightest worry that she will let herself in and use your resources or even shift her stuff back in (and from the lack of respect you describe, I can't see why she wouldn't)

sulkisu

Personally I would forget about the £100 keep plus £27 owed from christmas, and instead just tell her to leave. Give her a deadline, a week at most, to be packed and gone - change the locks if you have to.

Primrose

It's time she grew up. Many girls are responsibly married with children by her age. Give her two weeks to stop deceiving her fiance (or tell her you will tell him of her double game) and the same amount of time to move out and find somewhere else to live where she's taking responsibility for herself. Tough love but it may bring her to her senses.

whitewing

Yes take away her key too.

rose28454

Well I was out all day at my Mum's and she called to say fiance was popping around for t. I said ok as i was out. He came round and had t and went home about 8.00. She is seeing him again tommorow as they are going to Blood Doning together. I did not say anything when i got in but i did mention the £100.00 per month earlier today and she argued about it and said it should only be £80.00. i said take if or leave it.
So watching telly with her and the other one rang on Iphone facetime and I am in the kitchen in my pj's on the phone to my sis and she comes in and pointed the phone at me so he could see me. I am no babe and dont like to be seen in my PJ'S. Now she is upstairs on the phone on him for about 25 minutes. Last night I also found out that this chap is friends with the fiance on FB. What a bloody mess.
I dont want an alercation now as it will mean i will I wont sleep all night. Just told her that she need to tell them and she just laughed at me and stormed off to bed.
I actually contemplated killing myself tonight as I can't take much more of this.

System

rose28454 wrote: »

Well I was out all day at my Mum's and she called to say fiance was popping around for t. I said ok as i was out. He came round and had t and went home about 8.00. She is seeing him again tommorow as they are going to Blood Doning together. I did not say anything when i got in but i did mention the £100.00 per month earlier today and she argued about it and said it should only be £80.00. i said take if or leave it.
So watching telly with her and the other one rang on Iphone facetime and I am in the kitchen in my pj's on the phone to my sis and she comes in and pointed the phone at me so he could see me. I am no babe and dont like to be seen in my PJ'S. Now she is upstairs on the phone on him for about 25 minutes. Last night I also found out that this chap is friends with the fiance on FB. What a bloody mess.
I dont want an alercation now as it will mean i will I wont sleep all night. Just told her that she need to tell them and she just laughed at me and stormed off to bed.
I actually contemplated killing myself tonight as I can't take much more of this.

Please don't do that. She's put you in a really crappy siuation that really isn't fair on you, i agree with everyone else that she needs to grow up and move out.

If you need someone to talk to Samaratains are 24/7 08457 90 90 90

You need to look after yourself, you've done all you can for her but honestly she needs to get her !!!! together :mad:

whitewing

rose28454 wrote: »

going to Blood Doning

So she does have one redeeming feature.

I would not be sitting talking to her fella if you knew for definite that she is cheating on him. If that meant telling him, then I would do that as gently as I could (although I wouldn't seek him out to tell him; I'd only say if he were in your house and probably in front of her too).

rose28454

whitewing wrote: »

So she does have one redeeming feature.

I would not be sitting talking to her fella if you knew for definite that she is cheating on him. If that meant telling him, then I would do that as gently as I could (although I wouldn't seek him out to tell him; I'd only say if he were in your house and probably in front of her too).

Well he is coming round again tommorow so that would be my chance. However I am going away on a break with my sis on Saturday to Portugal till Tuesday and if I do something tommorow it will mean I will have a million calls about it while I am away. She just sent me a text from upstairs telling me she will be gone by end of March. i am going to speak to her tommorow and tell her she has to make it clear to fiance it is over and if she wants to still see him as a friend she has to tell him she is moving on and tell the other one she is still seeing fiance ( as a friend). Also told her she needs to arrange to get her stuff out of fiance's flat asap.

rose28454

She has gone to Blood Doning and will be home later. Had a bad day myself as BUILDING SOCIETY offered me a consolidation deal last week which would have meant a reduction in my monthly payment f £300 plus per month. That would have meant a real respite to my finances and a chance to get straight financially. However the letter came today and the new payment is £160.00 per month MORE than I was paying. I have spent most of the day in tears and cancelled my trip away as I could not justify going with this hanging over me. I have called the B/S and got the figures for my mortgage ( which is made up of 4 accounts) and passed them to my brother. He is very good at figures and is going to look at them and work out the amoritisation figures.
DD kept texting me to say she was worried about me as she knew how upset I was. She actually acknowledged that every one in the family leans on me too heavily including her. Over the weekend I think I am going to have a serious talk with her about it all. Feeling drained this evening wuth all this stress.

meritaten

rose - please do not tell her boyfriends about each other! its really not your place to do so! there, that is one less burden off your back!
tell DD to raise her own deposit - and to help her, if she gives you £100 per month for keep YOU will save a set amount of it towards a deposit on her own place! and tbh given the grief your DD is putting you to - I would save the lot and be heaving a great sigh of relief in a couple of months! another burden off!
if she refuses then give her a letter to take to the council/housing association telling her she has one week to find alternative accomodation as you are throwing her out then. harsh, but, at least she will be not be on the streets!
I think everything is just getting too much for you - as another poster suggests The Samaritans are there, on the phone if you again feel suicidal - please ring them.
I do hope matters improve for you rose!