Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

Joons

peachyprice wrote: »

It very clearly DID do you a great deal of harm if you think this is a perfectly acceptable way to treat an 8yo child. I'm afraid your father has alot to answer for.

When did I say this was an accepted way to treat an 8 year old??? I'm afraid you're talking cack.

The only thing my father has to answer for is loving me and still does, thanks.

sassyblue

oP you need a solicitor quickly and get contact changed to supervised contact only. This man isn't fit to be a father. He's a nasty bully having to pick on a young boy, his son!

Eta. I'm not sure your new partner is any danger for your ex, those that throw their weight around usually haven't got the guts to back it up. Having said that if l were you, next time l bumped into your ex he'd be walking rather tenderly after l kicked his dangly bits in.

somethingsgottogive

Wow, this is such a horrible situation for you and your son

I just have to say, I totally disagree that every father has the right to see his child, especially if he's saying and doing things that hurt his child It should always be up to the child, and it sounds like your little boy is already scared and anxious about seeing him alone.

I second everything people have said about keeping all of the evidence (texts, and letters from school, and maybe if they speak to you again, ask them to put in writing in case you need to use it) and starting legal proceedings to limit his unsupervised contact. I can't see anything good coming out of the next 10 years of the father's homophobia and mental abuse.

I had a thought - if the father is unwilling to agree to supervised contact with you AND your partner or another person, could you and your son meet somewhere public like a soft play area/busy park/bowling alley where he might be less likely to make a scene? Obviously if he's the type of ridiculous 'alpha male' who would kick of regardless of witnesses it would be pointless

Good luck with whatever happens xx

RAS

samtoby wrote: »

I used to do all the running about lifts for our son and my partner has instagated us doing one way him doing another.

Standard procedure would be that the "father" is wholly responsible for transporting the child both ways during access visits.

I suspect that this ruckus is actually intended to cause as much disruption as possible to your new relationship and to get back at you for having the audacity to move on and get into a new relationship. He needs to remind himself that he still has the power to upset you. And if hurting the child happens to be the best means of doing that, so be it

arbroath_lass

Joons wrote: »

I wouldn't use the word mental abuse as I'm sure your ex doesn't want to abuse his son - he obviously feels really angry and confused by his son's behaviour, ie, the dressing up etc and that's why he is saying things he shouldn't, denying him access seems a little extreme to me. Having said all that, I totally understand why this is upsetting you and yes something needs to be done to sort it out but surely anything is better than ceasing he contact between the two of them. I remember my dad saying things to me as a child that weren't particularly nice, he probably had a point but it was the way he was saying it rather than what - and it certainly didn't do me any harm, nor did I feel abused. It's really your call to decide, you're in the situation but try to listen to your head rather than your heart. What about writing a letter to the ex explaining how much his words are hurting your son, might be worth a try.

You may not want to use the words yet mental abuse is exactly what it is. And no the "father" does not come first in this the wee boy does. Abusive contact is NOT better than no contact.

OP I hope you and your son manage to get this sorted.

Errata

In the OP's shoes I wouldn't even go for supervised contact because that isn't going to wipe from the child's memory every single disgusting thing his father has said to him.

jellyhead

Del_Astra wrote: »

IS the Father aware of this, this could be his problem, as a Father myself this would cut really deep if my son came out with this. This doesn't excuse his behaviour towards his son, but I would find this very difficult to hear / take.

Of course it would hurt to hear your child praising his new father figure, but threatening to punch him simply because mummy has dared to move in with him isn't normal.

If he's so 'sensitive' why isn't he upset about the effect that his bullying is having on the little boy? I suspect that this is about power and bullying rather than emotions such as love.

As mum to a 7 year old I feel so sorry for this little boy. It's not just the ridiculous homophobia - this idiot is telling the child that to be himself is not good enough. It's no different to bullying a dyslexic child for not reading fast enough or an asthmatic child for not running fast enough. The child isn't interested in football or rugby, so what? A loving parent wouldn't bully them about it. If my father had called me a lesbian for not being interested in fake tan and make-up it would have upset me a lot - not that there's anything bad about being a lesbian, but because he didn't love me and didn't think I was good enough.

What's this alpha male rubbish about? He's a human, not a dog.

Metranil_Vavin

Ugh no wonder he's your ex, what a vile sounding man. Your poor little boy

There is lots of great advice on here already, but can I just say thank god your current partner seems such a good role model for your son, and you have him to counter the rubbish your ex is spouting.

quietheart

Samtoby
I'm surprised how upset I feel reading what your ex subjects your son to. He really shouldn't have unsupervised access.
It's just so hard to believe a parent could be such a nasty bully.
Your son is lucky he has you to protect him.

Del_Astra

jellyhead wrote: »

Of course it would hurt to hear your child praising his new father figure, but threatening to punch him simply because mummy has dared to move in with him isn't normal.

If he's so 'sensitive' why isn't he upset about the effect that his bullying is having on the little boy? I suspect that this is about power and bullying rather than emotions such as love.

As mum to a 7 year old I feel so sorry for this little boy. It's not just the ridiculous homophobia - this idiot is telling the child that to be himself is not good enough. It's no different to bullying a dyslexic child for not reading fast enough or an asthmatic child for not running fast enough. The child isn't interested in football or rugby, so what? A loving parent wouldn't bully them about it. If my father had called me a lesbian for not being interested in fake tan and make-up it would have upset me a lot - not that there's anything bad about being a lesbian, but because he didn't love me and didn't think I was good enough.

What's this alpha male rubbish about? He's a human, not a dog.

At no point did I suggest it was normal, I was just trying to figure out what set of the Fathers mental behaviour towards his son. IMO the Father is totally off this planet and not fit to be a Father, I was just trying to work out why he is behaving like a complete and utter half wit. It does sound like he has multiple issues, his behaviour it totally unacceptable and by the sounds of things needs assistance with his anger, he is behaving like a he is in the school playground, calling the person he had a kid with a pig is just vile an immature.