Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

samtoby

In my heart I believe this doesn't have much to do with our son. It does in his behavior but he is very controlling and now I have moved in with my partner he has none. I used to do all the running about lifts for our son and my partner has instagated us doing one way him doing another. He does ask for me back, usually a few times a year and has done since I left him. But that is never going to happen I would never go back. My partner is amazing and an excellent role model and my son loves him to pieces. He chooses to spend time with him over his Dad sometimes and whilst I understand this must hurt his Dad what can I do. I have ALWAYS maintained contact with him and his son and it is up to him to make the relationship and he has had years. My partner is quite strict sometimes and I think ohhhh gosh I would not have been so strict but this seems to only support my son and make him love him more as he trusts him, draws him pictures and doesn't care when I am home just when my partner will be!

Del_Astra

samtoby wrote: »

He is 32. I am 27.

Time he started acting it then, the name calling is the stuff you grow out of at 13/14 at the latest.

geminilady

Tish_P wrote: »

Could you have someone else there instead of your partner while your ex has access? A close friend who can take notes if needed? Your ex's mum? I can totally understand your not wanting to be alone with him, he sounds angry and bitter and very likely to make a scene.

This is good idea mabe you could take your son to your x's parents house? Whatever you decide please do not let your son see his Dad on his own again, he will damage him for life.I cannot believe and "Dad" would talk to and about his son this way.He has serious problems.As others have said keep the texts so you have proof of his disgraceful behaviour if you have to resort to the courts.So glad your son has your partner to love him for who he is and to be a role model.

samtoby

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Your son does not want to see his father on his own. Respect that.

At the same time, you are not obliged to have the father in your home and I would suggest that you don't even consider this.

I would also suggest that you do not involve your new partner in contact visits. I can see why you might want this, but by even entering into these discussions you are allowing him to pull your strings, and to feel a sense of power and control over you, as a result of this situation.

Please get some professional assistance and arrange for supervised access at a child centre, where the supervision is given by an independent professional.

I would be prepared to bet that he is doing all this to get at YOU, and your son is caught in the cross fire. You need to get independent impartial assistance with this. Once you arrange contact via a professional intermediary, there will be no need for him to contact you directly, and he will almost certainly lose interest.

One other thing - in appropriate cases, the child is entitled to legal aid in their own right, regardless of the parents' earnings. I don't know if that would apply here, but it might be worth finding a solicitor specialising in children law, and making the enquiry. Your local law society should be able to give you a list of solicitors on the children panel.

We have just bought a house and I am concerned about the costs of legal proceedings but what can I do. I will have to protect my son and thats why I thought it might be better to wait for him to go to a Solicitor. Because he may never do it.

samtoby

Del_Astra wrote: »

Time he started acting it then, the name calling is the stuff you grow out of at 13/14 at the latest.

He calls me a pig!

balletshoes

samtoby wrote: »

He isn't interested in Supervised. I have tried. That is because I have said my new partner will be there as I do not want to get in an arguement and I feel protected by him. I have said that my ex can bring someone as well just to keep it fair?

Would your son like to have the supervised access at his grandparents house (your ex's parents) would that make a difference to your ex's behaviour and what he says to your son, in front of them?

rpc

This is emotional abuse, whether intended or not. It could seriously damage your son.

I would get a solicitor's letter off to him and let him take you to court if he disagrees with the terms.

You could use a contact centre (see http://www.naccc.org.uk/for-families ) if you don't want to do contact at your home. They will not permit the child to be removed without your permission.

Del_Astra

samtoby wrote: »

My son has said he would rather Daddy came round and then I would be there if he said anything nasty. His Dad will not step foot into our property boundry let alone the house. I suggested somewhere mutual but if he says its not just me and our son he is not interested as he may ' loose his temper'.

My son also said if Daddy hits **** (My partner) I don't want to see Daddy because I love ***** and its not very nice to him because he does nice things with me. (my partner takes him out and does a lot of activities with my son)

IS the Father aware of this, this could be his problem, as a Father myself this would cut really deep if my son came out with this. This doesn't excuse his behaviour towards his son, but I would find this very difficult to hear / take.

Treevo

You must pay attention to your son and not let this abuse continue. Get a record of all the texts and the school incident reports etc, and take them to a solicitor. All access should be through a contact centre now for the safety of your son.

This is abuse. Don't be complicit in it. Protect your son.

geminilady

samtoby wrote: »

We have just bought a house and I am concerned about the costs of legal proceedings but what can I do. I will have to protect my son and thats why I thought it might be better to wait for him to go to a Solicitor. Because he may never do it.

If you stop him seeing your son he will have to go to a solicitor.