Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

samtoby

Scorpio33 wrote: »

So you have offered a compromise - ie: supervised access, but he isn't interested? Would he be ok with coming round with your new partner not there? Is it just the new partner that is the issue or is it that he only wants one to one time with your son?

If he only wants one to one time, then i would suggest to him that he needs to prove that he can be a responsible adult and stop the abuse before you can even begin to think about that. He needs to show this in any supervised access.

You have the power - don't let this man walk over you.

He isn't interested in Supervised. I have tried. That is because I have said my new partner will be there as I do not want to get in an arguement and I feel protected by him. I have said that my ex can bring someone as well just to keep it fair?

Tish_P

samtoby wrote: »

One of the texts -

I took him swimming today, he did only 2 lengths then p around like some sort of drag queen, why can't u see how camp he is becoming

Blimey. What a nasty text. And heaven forfend that an 8 year old at a swimming pool should mess about in the water having a nice time!

Next week, tell him his visit's cancelled because your son's busy watching Glee, and hope his homophobic rage gives him a fatal aneurysm.

samtoby

Is it up to me to take him to court or for him because if I stop contact then I would think it would be up to him? Or am I wrong?

Scorpio33

samtoby wrote: »

He isn't interested in Supervised. I have tried. That is because I have said my new partner will be there as I do not want to get in an arguement and I feel protected by him. I have said that my ex can bring someone as well just to keep it fair?

Can I ask you reasons for insisting your new partner is there? Yuo say you feel protected by him - is there no one else who can be an alternative as protection?

I can understand that he would find it difficult to see you with your new partner, so I can understand where he is coming from in wanting to see his son without your new partner there, as instead of it being a happy time seeing his son, it would be a sad time, reminding him of what he lost.

Tish_P

Could you have someone else there instead of your partner while your ex has access? A close friend who can take notes if needed? Your ex's mum? I can totally understand your not wanting to be alone with him, he sounds angry and bitter and very likely to make a scene.

samtoby

I have asked if he wants the supervised access until we sort this and this is his reply -

I don't need supervision, if u want that u need a court order, I'm quite capable of looking after my son,

samtoby

Scorpio33 wrote: »

Can I ask you reasons for insisting your new partner is there? Yuo say you feel protected by him - is there no one else who can be an alternative as protection?

I can understand that he would find it difficult to see you with your new partner, so I can understand where he is coming from in wanting to see his son without your new partner there, as instead of it being a happy time seeing his son, it would be a sad time, reminding him of what he lost.

I suggested my Mum. He said no.

samtoby

Tish_P wrote: »

Could you have someone else there instead of your partner while your ex has access? A close friend who can take notes if needed? Your ex's mum? I can totally understand your not wanting to be alone with him, he sounds angry and bitter and very likely to make a scene.

He gets abusive sometimes - calls me names. I am not prepared to sit alone just incase it escalates.

zzzLazyDaisy

Your son does not want to see his father on his own. Respect that.

At the same time, you are not obliged to have the father in your home and I would suggest that you don't even consider this.

I would also suggest that you do not involve your new partner in contact visits. I can see why you might want this, but by even entering into these discussions you are allowing him to pull your strings, and to feel a sense of power and control over you, as a result of this situation.

Please get some professional assistance and arrange for supervised access at a child centre, where the supervision is given by an independent professional.

I would be prepared to bet that he is doing all this to get at YOU, and your son is caught in the cross fire. You need to get independent impartial assistance with this. Once you arrange contact via a professional intermediary, there will be no need for him to contact you directly, and he will almost certainly lose interest.

One other thing - in appropriate cases, the child is entitled to legal aid in their own right, regardless of the parents' earnings. I don't know if that would apply here, but it might be worth finding a solicitor specialising in children law, and making the enquiry. Your local law society should be able to give you a list of solicitors on the children panel.

Scorpio33

samtoby wrote: »

I suggested my Mum. He said no.

He is a pure prize idiot.

Speak to a lawyer - you have a valid reason for not trusting him, you have offered a compromise, and still he can't agree to anything except his own way. Which makes me think he has something to hide. He can't even see where he will end up.

The power usually is with the mother - so if you have concerns, the courts would usually side with you. How he cannott see this I don't know...