Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

warehouse

This is abuse, plain and simple. Just because the bruises can't be seen doesn't mean it's not deeply disturbing for your Son. If he was beating him then he'd lose access, so in your shoes I'd fight tooth and nail to protect your Son from this man, and that means keeping them apart.

Having a 7 year old Son of my own I find this story deeply distressing.

My Sons two older Sisters regularly put make up on him, dress him up in ridiculous clothes, paint his nails etc. It's healthy, it's normal, it's fun and he loves the attention.

This is the age when Sons and Fathers should be best of mates, doing things together, having fun and bonding for life. Please OP sort this out asap.

samtoby

Del_Astra wrote: »

What age is the "Father"? he is coming out with things that quite honestly sound like he isn't old enough to re-produce never mind have a 8 year old.

I'd suggest you see a Solicitor, I mean the lad is 8 years old and shouldn't be subjected to this.

Just having second thoughts are you sure your ex isn't gay and is just scared to admit it?

He is 32. I am 27.

Joons

PurplePow wrote: »

Completely disagree. If the son is upset from being bullied by his father than denying access is not extreme at all, especially if the son does not want it. Or supervised access if they do. It IS abuse.

Speaking as someone who does not speak to or see their father due to verbal and physical abuse as a child, I can only urge the OP to do something about it, especially if your son starts to feel scared of seeing their Dad.

That's fine, we don't have to agree, if you read the post it says the dad called his son a ponce and said he should have been a woman cos he acts like one - IMO, this doesn't constitute stopping contact between father and son. I am not saying it is right what he said but I don't see it as mental abuse, I think that's going too far, the father is probably frustrated and is venting this at the boy, not right no and yes, something should be done about it. Saying all that, if your son is telling you he doesn't want to see his dad then fair do's, he's old enough to decide this and you very much have the right to instigate no contact.

samtoby

Indout96 wrote: »

A father is someone that loves the child not bullys them, I think you are right and need to see a solicitor about this. Let your son know that not all men are interested in Football & Rugby (i'm not and never have been) and there is nothing at all wrong in this.
Could it be that your ex is jealous of your new relationship and taking it out on your son ?

He has ALWAYS gone on about how I left him and how his life is ruined because I did it but even his parents have told me that he cheats continually on girlfriends, is rude to them as parents and they can only be proud of what a great Mum I am and what a well mannered, kind little boy I have raised. They are absolutly fuming with him.

I left him because he cheated on me.

samtoby

He was my first love I met him when I was 17.

universalady_2

Dosgraceful, the vile man doesn't derserve a son if he abuses him in this way

I would most certainly be keeping a note of every contact with the ex (texts/emails/notes of conversations you have with him) and also what your son tells you after he has spent time with him, how he feels, his thoughts. IF he is upset after seeing his father, I would wait till things have settled a bit for him (whether it be an hour/day) and ask him what he wants to do, and make sure he knows he doesn't HAVE to see his father if it upsets him. Take your lead from him, and I would also contact a solictor to find out about either supervised access/preventing your ex from seeing your son if you feel the need to go down this route

Scorpio33

samtoby wrote: »

My son has said he would rather Daddy came round and then I would be there if he said anything nasty. His Dad will not step foot into our property boundry let alone the house. I suggested somewhere mutual but if he says its not just me and our son he is not interested as he may ' loose his temper'.

My son also said if Daddy hits **** (My partner) I don't want to see Daddy because I love ***** and its not very nice to him because he does nice things with me. (my partner takes him out and does a lot of activities with my son)

So you have offered a compromise - ie: supervised access, but he isn't interested? Would he be ok with coming round with your new partner not there? Is it just the new partner that is the issue or is it that he only wants one to one time with your son?

If he only wants one to one time, then i would suggest to him that he needs to prove that he can be a responsible adult and stop the abuse before you can even begin to think about that. He needs to show this in any supervised access.

You have the power - don't let this man walk over you.

Indout96

My son also said if Daddy hits **** (My partner) I don't want to see Daddy because I love ***** and its not very nice to him because he does nice things with me. (my partner takes him out and does a lot of activities with my son)

As a step parent (I brought my(step)son up since he was 3 - he is now 34) that is the nicest thing anyone would want to hear. The both of you are doing a great job.

CH27

Go & see a solicitor ASAP.
You cannot let him continue to treat your son this way. You must protect him.

samtoby

One of the texts -

I took him swimming today, he did only 2 lengths then p around like some sort of drag queen, why can't u see how camp he is becoming