Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

thehappybutterfly

adouglasmhor wrote: »

My stepson's real dad thanked me for the care I gave his son when I lived with his mother, we are both also on good terms with the partner she had after me. Am I strange or are you?

Even my ex, as horrible as he is, admitted that our son was better off with his step dad. I was amazed when he said that.

OP - listen to the advice on here and from your best friend. Ask your son what he wants to do - does he want to see his dad on his own? If not, don't make him. And try not to take your ex's threats too seriously. I'm not saying ignore them completely and would suggest that you do what you can to minimise risk, but in my experience, threats to take your child away etc. are usually empty threats designed purely to get you worried and to attempt to control you. Don't rise to them but be vigilant. If he threatens you with taking him away, or suggests you need to see a solicitor to fight to keep him, smile sweetly and walk away / hang up / ignore his emails/texts. Don't give him what he wants which is your attention.

bargainbetty

OP, I'm going to add something else into the mix here. If the father has threatened both you and your new partner, you would be well within your rights to appy for a temporary restraining order. This would prevent him from contacting you except by approved methods and could be specifically requested to cover the period until 'a structure of supervised visitation has been agreed via mediation'.

It could also be handed to the school, and include a clause that prevents him removing your son without your written authority due to the ongoing mediation over his violent and bullying behaviour.

See a solicitor immediately. Let him take you to court if you want, but you have to get that order for your own safety and peace of mind, and then go via the mediation centre and supervised access sites. If the staff hear him bullying your child with homophobic rants, they will provide statements to support you. If he calms down once he realises you're not taking his b*llsh*t anymore, it might work out.

The TRO might be a useful tool as it utilises the threats to you and your partner, without having to involve the entire family court division straight away.

Good luck, but get legal advice.

Del_Astra

adouglasmhor wrote: »

My stepson's real dad thanked me for the care I gave his son when I lived with his mother, we are both also on good terms with the partner she had after me. Am I strange or are you?

I don't know you well enough to determine if you are strange or not. See post #71.

samtoby

Just thought I would update. I have taken some advice and it seems a contact order is the only way forward. So I am going to apply. My next dilema is on what grounds I suggest contact. His father works a shift patter of two days two nights four off but my son has said he wishes there was a day for Daddy so he can ride the pony set days as we try to do and he knows that its 'Daddy day' I have said thats fine, I can not see anyone not agreeing with that. But how do I explain that on the order what my suggestion is.

I have decided that due to the threats to me and my partner I would rather I dropped Toby at family and dealt with a family member from his side than need to speak with him. Prevents any tension.

Any suggestions?

barbiedoll

Yes, change your user name and don't mention your son by name. You are far too easily identifiable otherwise.

make_me_wise

Your poor little boy. Kids look up to their parents and should be able to expect them to set examples and behave in a way that encourages respect. A young child should also be 100% respected and be treated and spoken to nicely. Your ex is robbing your son of this right and slowly but surely bringing a black cloud over his childhood. Even at such a tender age this treatment will stay with him, he wont forget this.

If my childrens dad did this he would lose all access to them until the courts had decided whether he was fit to be around them. No way on earth would I allow them to be exposed to this kind of abuse. Go and see a solicitor and put this moron well and truly in his place. I would not trust him to be around a dog let alone a child.

Errata

Any suggestions?

Protect your son by ensuring 100% that that the father ceases to verbally abuse his son by calling him disgusting names and belittling his behaviour. You will be able to do that, won't you?

zzzLazyDaisy

samtoby wrote: »

Just thought I would update. I have taken some advice and it seems a contact order is the only way forward. So I am going to apply. My next dilema is on what grounds I suggest contact. His father works a shift patter of two days two nights four off but my son has said he wishes there was a day for Daddy so he can ride the pony set days as we try to do and he knows that its 'Daddy day' I have said thats fine, I can not see anyone not agreeing with that. But how do I explain that on the order what my suggestion is.

I have decided that due to the threats to me and my partner I would rather I dropped Toby at family and dealt with a family member from his side than need to speak with him. Prevents any tension.

Any suggestions?

• Instruct a solicitor to deal with the application for a contact order
• Ask the court to order that contact takes place at a contact centre, until it can be established that the ex is willing and able to interact with your son like a responsible adult
• Do not involve any other family member in this situation - it is not fair to involve them and it is not fair to expect them to protect your child from this man.

Purleygirl

Your poor son,it must feel as if you're sending him to the lion's den every time he sees his Dad. For the record, my son used to dress up in his sister's clothes, hates sport, loves art, flowers and cooking, but he is definitely straight. Not that it matters, I'm making the point that your ex is clearly ignorant and his comments to your son are hideous. I would suggest a meeting with you, your ex and the educational psychiatrist. Ask the teacher at your son's school if this could be arranged because of your concerns and the damage the comments could be having on your son. If your ex is unwilling to attend, then maybe the next step is a solicitor. You clearly find it upsetting and I am very sorry for you, the notion that someone is gay because they don't like sports, or like dressing up is absurd.

jellyhead

Purleygirl wrote: »

Your poor son,it must feel as if you're sending him to the lion's den every time he sees his Dad. For the record, my son used to dress up in his sister's clothes, hates sport, loves art, flowers and cooking, but he is definitely straight. Not that it matters, I'm making the point that your ex is clearly ignorant and his comments to your son are hideous. I would suggest a meeting with you, your ex and the educational psychiatrist. Ask the teacher at your son's school if this could be arranged because of your concerns and the damage the comments could be having on your son. If your ex is unwilling to attend, then maybe the next step is a solicitor. You clearly find it upsetting and I am very sorry for you, the notion that someone is gay because they don't like sports, or like dressing up is absurd.

Yes, one of my brothers is soft and girly, but is straight, not that anyone would care if he hadn't been.