Dad has been calling our 8 year old a ponce and a woman to his face

System

samtoby wrote: »

He calls me a pig!

What a vile man!

Del_Astra

samtoby wrote: »

I suggested my Mum. He said no.

What about his parents? I noticed you mentioned them in another post, would you feel safe / protected at their place?

pollypenny

AS most people say, you need to speak to a solicitor, preferably one specialising in family law, to find out where you stand with regard to access.

This horrible man is abusing his son: he does not deserve to have one. You must protect your son from him and you will get help to enable you to do that.

Keep all the evidence.

Good luck. The poor little boy!

divadee

I personally would cut contact and wait for him to take you to court. If he doesn't bother (which part of me thinks he won't when he knows it will cost him) then life will be so much better for your son. If he does take you to court then you have all the proof needed to show them why you cut contact.

Tish_P

Document everything so you have evidence on your side if it goes to court. Keep texts, note any conversations with him or school in a diary (and where possible have these conversations in writing or over email so they are dated and verifiable).

Your son doesn't want to be alone with his father and that suggests things are very bad - you should put your son's wellbeing first by honouring his wishes. It takes a lot of courage for kids to tell adults that kind of thing so congratulate yourself on having raised a brave and confident son despite his dad's ridiculous behaviour.

zzzLazyDaisy

OP

Please check out the contact centre link provided by RPC

http://www.naccc.org.uk/find-a-contact-centre


This is exactly what you need, they provide a neutral place for contact to take place. This will safeguard your child, and limit the father's ability to use this situation to manipulate and control you.

You need to take a clear step back and let the professionals help you, otherwise he will continue to abuse your child because he knows he is getting your attention. Put a stop to it for all your sakes.

marisco_2

Your ex is inflicting emotional abuse on your son. Just because your son doesn't conform to his fathers ideals on how a boy should be, does not mean he should be subjected to such horrendous comments. It is so detrimental to a childs confidence and self esteem to speak to and refer to them in such ways.

My eldest son is very much as you describe your son. He hates Rugby and football, most sports actually, though recently he has started circuit training. He doesn't play with cars either but loves dressing up in fancy dress and belongs to a local drama group. He is also brilliant at gymnastics. These are his preferences and choices and have no bearing on how he will turn out as a man. Whatever life choices he makes later on are up to him and I will love him unconditionally regardless. That is what good parents do isn't it.

For him to suggest to your son that he will physically hurt your new partner is awful. This appears to be a man your partner has never met and whom has caused him no problems. Is your ex going through some kind of mental break down, only he seems to have little grip on reality or any idea of how to appropriately conduct himself?

This is clearly deeply effecting your son as he has started to mention to adults at his school what is going on. When a child confides details of this kind of behaviour toward it by a parent the school SENCO will be made aware of it. If this continues or escalates they can contact outside agencies such as social services.

Dont let it come to that. Contact a solicitor and explain exactly what has been going on. Ask the school to put in writing to the solicitor all that has been divulged to them. The solicitor may be able to put supervised access into place. Your ex is a vile, foul mouthed bully who needs to realise once and for all that he cannot treat your son so appallingly.

busiscoming2

It is mental cruelty. While I am pleased you have tried to keep the access with your son and his father going, I am afraid that if it were my son I would stop all contact. I could not let my child spend time with someone that treats him like this.

If the school has picked up on this (and believe me it takes a lot for children to speak up) then it is obviously affecting him greatly.

Keep a copy of all correspondence with your ex and see a family solicitor even if it is on the fixed fee appointment, just so you can find out your position.

peachyprice

Joons wrote: »

I wouldn't use the word mental abuse as I'm sure your ex doesn't want to abuse his son - he obviously feels really angry and confused by his son's behaviour, ie, the dressing up etc and that's why he is saying things he shouldn't, denying him access seems a little extreme to me. Having said all that, I totally understand why this is upsetting you and yes something needs to be done to sort it out but surely anything is better than ceasing he contact between the two of them. I remember my dad saying things to me as a child that weren't particularly nice, he probably had a point but it was the way he was saying it rather than what - and it certainly didn't do me any harm, nor did I feel abused. It's really your call to decide, you're in the situation but try to listen to your head rather than your heart. What about writing a letter to the ex explaining how much his words are hurting your son, might be worth a try.

It very clearly DID do you a great deal of harm if you think this is a perfectly acceptable way to treat an 8yo child. I'm afraid your father has alot to answer for.

Flugelhorn

The man is clearly a child and not old enough to be supervising another child.